Shirley Sherrod made a speech to a largely black audience in which she told her own story of personal growth in race relations.  Part of the story included admission to a less than sterling personal attitude from over 20 years ago- from which she has since grown and matured.  A three-minute portion of that speech has been lifted, out of context, and used across the internet as evidence of her racist approach to a federal job.  She was fired.  I think she should receive apologies and her job back.  I think those who lifted this out of context, not bothering to study the matter thoroughly, should likewise apologize.

Let’s consider your words, the statements you have made, over the course of the last month.  Likely you have interacted with a variety of people about many things.  Sometimes you have been exact and careful about what you had to say, and at other times more relaxed and comfortable.  Likely there have been moments when you spoke with immediate response and little thought and therefore did not express yourself carefully.  Perhaps you were just having a bad day- we all have those.  And it could very well be that you have spent many hours in positive dialog with an individual or concerning a subject, but you said one thing that in hindsight you know to be improper, and for which you are now being judged.  In my estimation this is unfair.

My job involves speaking and interacting with people.  I average at least five presentations per week, and verbally interact with hundreds of people every week.  Inevitably, sometimes I mess up.  Some Sunday sermons are topnotch, most are alright, but sometimes one comes along that needs to be buried and forgotten.  I strive to give fitting words to persons in need and to sincerely interact with those I meet along the way.  But if you catch me when I am tired, preoccupied, or a day when I forget to pray (Yes, I have those days!), you may be disappointed with the words you encounter.  And that’s life, I think, for all of us.

I think a person should not be judged solely, or too harshly, about any singular matter.  Somewhere along the way the wrong thing will be said.  Although we may strive to walk the straight and narrow, we all have bad events and even bad chapters of life.

Let’s work hard to be persons willing to consider the book in its entirety- not judge it by the single word or page.

How many of you are the same persons today that you were twenty or thirty years ago?  Parenthetically, some people are basically the same, and that is a shame.  You have not examined your heart and carefully considered matters.  You have not taken the risk of exposing yourself to things that are different, that make you uncomfortable.  You haven’t allowed your heart to be open to God and His amazing work of transformation.  And, that’s sad.  But, for the rest of us, we were in many ways different persons back then.  We had prejudices, viewpoints, matters we espoused even with great conviction that had yet to be subjected to the processes of life, growth, and inevitable change.

I know, for me, I am a different person.  I said some things I would never say today.  Sometimes I treated persons in ways that called for apology in later years.  I held some views that proved to be wrong, that I fought for a while and eventually acknowledged.  So, please do not judge me today by the person I was back then.  I am now a different person.  That’s a beautiful product of this process of life.

So, whatever Shirley Sherrod said or did 20+ years ago needs to stay in the past.  For those willing to listen, she has made it clear she is now a different person.

Late night Sunday, a time to unwind, I found myself watching Revenge Of The Nerds.  I remember it as a low-brow comedy satirizing Greek life on College campuses.  But now it’s not as funny as it was 25 years ago.  I still like such stuff, continuing to find Naked Gun and Airplane spoofs to be funny.  But this one is a little too juvenile even for me, sort of a bad imitation of Animal House- another film not quite as good as it used to be.  But, I still snicker at the scene of John Belushi smashing the guitar and then saying sorry.

Anyhow, what happened to John Goodman?

Mark, our church music director, has resigned his position and will be leaving in a few weeks.  He has been with us for about 4 years and has done well.  In a job such as church ministry change can be refreshing, and so I guess the timing is good.  Mark will focus fully on his education and career in music therapy.  I will always appreciate how well this young man handled an interpersonal challenge when he first came to our church.  The pianist at the time, in my opinion, was not a nice person.  I think she resented that we hired someone whom she considered beneath her skill level, and likely even coveted the position for herself.  She behaved quite unkindly toward Mark on numerous occasions, especially during rehearsals.  As the rest of us were unsure how to handle the matter, Mark shined as he consistently responded with kindness and gentleness.  He set a great example.  Unfortunately, the pianist did not take the hint, and finally we came to a consensus that she had to go.

A friend told me recently he was in line at a fast-food restaurant and heard a customer berating the cashier.  He considered the behavior of this person to be quite overboard and unkind.  After being seated, he looked over at this red-faced person and recognized it was our former church pianist!  I believe we all have the opportunity to grow and change.  Some people never do.

23 days until my cruise!

Right now I smell like pina colada, which is a bit disconcerting for a Baptist minister.

Since the dirt on the outside was soiling my clothes and the trash on the inside made it difficult to work the pedals, I decided today to have my car cleaned.  And I just so happened to have a ticket for a free carwash.  Several months ago I pulled into the car wash when they were refitting some equipment, so the apologetic attendant gave me a handful of free passes for my trouble.  That was nice.  Usually when I pull into the place, they make a hard sell for extras. But generally I stay cheap.  Today, however, for some odd reason I was convinced to go with the deluxe special, The Works.  Every imaginable piece of my car would be cleaned and shined, protectants and emmoliants added, and the allusion made that my Chevy Aveo would somehow be transformed into a luxury vehicle.  And all for an additional $11.95- it was just too good to pass up!

The attendant asked what fragrance I preferred?  I inquired about pizza and got the suspicion he considered me a smarty pants.  He rattle off a list of the fragrances, and what registered in my head was pina colada.  Now I know almost nothing about pina colada, or any other alcoholic drink.  I am by choice a teetotaler, and happy with it.  And it is expected of most Baptist pastors.  But I know the pina colada song with the catchy ditty.  So I was curious how it would smell.

Driving out of the parking lot, the cocoanutty-fruity smell was quite strong.  It was a rather nice sensation, making me think about some of the fruit concoctions my wife likes because they are supposed to be healthy.  But when I got out of the car to make a hospital visit, the smell went with me.  Apparently the attendant sprayed an abundance of the stuff, even in the driver’s seat.  Maybe he knew I was a pastor, from the Bible and bulletins, and thought it would be funny for me to go around smelling like an alcoholic drink?  No.  It was my fault for being so stupid.  I could have walked around for the rest of the day smelling like cherry, pine, or even popcorn.  But I chose pina colada.

It’s now 3 hours later, and my office smells like pineapple, cocoanut, and rum.  It’s a good smell.  I’ll be in trouble if it smells this way tomorrow.

Tommy Lasorda and Reggie Jackson did a quick interview on a Fox Sports baseball game this past Saturday.  Things appeared to get a bit testy between the two Hall of Famers, particularly as they discussed a World Series Game from 32 years ago.  Many think it is evident Lasorda still holds a grudge.  Jackson was the star player of the New York Yankees, known as Mr. October for his ability to perform heroically in the clutch.  Lasorda was beloved manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers, known to bleed Dodger Blue for his avid passion for the game and his team.  It was game three of the series, the Dodgers having won the first two.  Jackson was on first base when the batter grounded into what appeared would be an inning-ending double play.  As the shortstop made the relay, Jackson appeared to stick out his hip into the path of the ball, allowing it to hit him and therefore prevent completion of the play.  This meant he was automatically out, but it kept the double play for happening.  The runner on first was safe, and the runner on third scored.  This proved to be a crucial incident in a pivotal game, as the Yankees proceeded to win the game and eventually the Series.  Lasorda argued passionately with the umps that Jackson cheated.  However, the umpire did not reverse the call, since of course he could not read Jackson’s mind and could not discern with certainty that the interference was intentional on the part of the runner, instead of error on the part of the one throwing the ball.

It was a wily play on the part of a smart base runner, evidence of his passion for the game. Now Jackson smiles and good-naturedly banters about the matter.  It’s over, in the past, a part of rich baseball lore.  But, not Lasorda.

O.K.  I’ve seen the video, and it appears Lasorda is not quite the grudge holder he’s been portrayed to be in the media.  It is always good to check out a matter for yourself instead of accepting the popular opinion, or even worse, the media interpretation.  I think, in the impromptu interview, he is an old man not quite as sharp as he used to be, playing the part of a crusty old curmudgeon.  Behind the tough words are a chuckle and a twinkle in the eye.  So I do not think he loses any sleep over the matter.  And likely he and Reggie Jackson now sit down and truly enjoy one another’s company.  But, it is also pretty plain that he still thinks Jackson cheated.  And there remains just a bit of fire.

Forgive and forget.  We preach it.  But, must the two go together?  Of course, when we say forget, no one infers that we must wipe the matter from our memories.  But, the implication is that you come to the point in life that it no longer bothers you.  It does not negatively affect the person you are today.  You can think about the matter without feeling raw pain.  And you no longer wish ill-will toward the person.  Instead you now understand this was but a chapter of life- the person, and yourself, are now different.  And you wish him well.  Apologies, explanations, reconciliation- not required.

My question: Is that possible?  I want to take a few posts to examine this subject: Forgive & Forget?  Perhaps Tommy Lasorda is a more realistic role model.  Please pass along your thoughts about the matter.

 

"Jarretta was asked not to return because of a moral issue that was disregarded, namely fornication, sex outside of marriage...  The employment application, which she filled out, clearly states that as a leader before our students we require all teachers to maintain and communicate the values and purpose of our school...  We request that Jarretta withdraw her complaint and consider the testimony of the Lord.” - Southland Christian School, St. Cloud, Fla.

Jaretta Hamilton voluntarily signed a contract in which she committed, in writing, to conduct herself according to the standards of Southland Christian School.  This is a private institution with a distinct and stated understanding of proper behavior.  And with pen and ink, she agreed to those principals.  Many of us understand that when you choose to publicly identify as a Christian, you choose to conform yourself according to the teaching of the Bible and specifically what would be honoring of Jesus Christ.  Throughout the Bible is the consistent teaching that sex is to be confined within marriage, and to engage in sex outside of marriage is sin.  I know such belief is not widely respected or practiced in society today.  And I know there are many who call themselves Christians with a very different understanding.  So the popular attitude is that these people at Southland Christian School are hopelessly behind the times and should be forced to conform to a more reasonable standard.  And, of course, the government and the law should be the weapons to use to force such enlightenment.

Now if Jaretta Hamilton finds the right judge, one who wants to force his morality or lack thereof upon the public, then she can move forward in the lower courts.  She will garner much publicity and sympathy from the Today Show and various elements of society who despise conservatism and old-fashioned Christianity.  And perhaps she and her supporters will break the back of this little school.  But somewhere along the way she will encounter the Constitution and fairness.  And she will lose.

Why do you send your children to a Christian school?  Of course there are many reasons, some better than others.  Surely there are certain morals you wish to instill in your children.  In a Christian school your children are taught the Bible and how its teachings specifically apply to life.  There are different interpretations of the Bible and differing understanding of application.  That is why there are so many different churches, and by extension many different kinds of Christian schools.  A member of the public is a consumer when he chooses a private school for his child.  It is your job to educate yourself concerning the school you choose.  And if you decide at a later time that you have made a mistake, then you have the freedom to choose another product.  But in a free market, you do not have the freedom or right to force that product to be conformed to your wishes.  I cannot go into a restaurant and force the cook to prepare the meal according to my tastes.  It is not my right to call 911, or bring a lawsuit, because the sauce was too bland.  Of course I can walk away, find another place to eat, and encourage friends not to dine at the establishment. 

Here’s the proper and reasonable option for Jaretta Hamilton:  If she does not like the morality clause of the private business where she works, then she is free to go elsewhere. But she has no right to force a Christian School to change its morality for her benefit.

 

 

     

Scott Hudgens Park is a huge soccer park owned by the city of Duluth and managed by a soccer association, located about three miles from my home. I've never played soccer, although my kids were involved to a small degree. Growing up we participated in what I still consider to be more traditional American sports of baseball, basketball, and football. Of course I was not very good at those either, but I tried. I do remember occasionally pitching in little league, a memorable highlight being when I beaned five opposing players in one game before the other team's manager and parents insisted I be relieved. I am told that soccer is an excellent participation sport because there is a niche on the team for everybody- including the slow and little guys. Maybe so, but I do not guess I'll be taking up this sport anytime soon.  Doesn't Pele play soccer?

 And so Big Dog and I spent a couple of hours exploring this beautiful park. It is huge, and refreshingly undeveloped. There are no paved biking paths, picnic tables, or playgrounds. Just soccer fields and lots of green space along the periphery.

 

Walking along the extreme back area of the park, far from any fields or activity, a passage into the woods caught my attention.  Big Dog entered first, to make sure a Georgia BigFoot was not awaiting.  I followed.

Here's the Chattahoochee River.  It is a protected waterway with limited access and lots of rules about fishing, boating, etc.  And it is the source of water for the entire Atlanta area.  Perhaps you are aware of the water wars taking place between the states who share its water- Georgia, Alabama, and Florida?  A federal judge is now involved, threatening to severely curtail Atlanta's use unless an agreement can be reached within a year.  Stay tuned!


We walked a trail for a half mile or so, and opened into a field.  See the two deer?  Big Dog stood silently by my side, as we both enjoyed the scene for about five minutes.  I like to see deer and leave them to pose with the rest of nature, except when they decide to collide with my car.  Then I'm once again an avid supporter of deer hunters.


Walking a trail far back into the forest, I spied a filing cabinet.  Now how does a piece of office furniture find its way into the middle of the woods?  Inside were the X-Files.


Finally, here's a footprint found out in the middle of nowhere.  Somebody was barefoot.  Or...Something?  Perhaps there is a Chattahoochee BigFoot, with a filing cabinet?

 

 

As I move along in life, I am less comfortable with confrontation.  Don’t get me wrong- it is a useful tool.  It can be quite effective, especially when the other party is unprepared or just not willing to fight.  And so you can get your way for the moment.  However it is also a surefire method to insert a lingering break into the relationship, something that will come back to injure you in the long run.  Equally it is a pretty good way to make yourself look small in the eyes of others.  Finally, it can be the quickest route to being punched in the nose.  So I have developed some strategies to try to avoid such outcomes.  Usually I will consider the matter ad infinitum.  It gives me time to cool off and later analyze the situation when I’m thinking with reason and not with my fists.  Thus, the majority of the time I’ll decide it is not important enough to fight about.  There are other and better ways to get around or through this person to accomplish my objectives. And if, after my thorough analysis, I’ve decided the matter is too important to set aside and the only way to make things better is to confront the individual, I’ve developed an approach that at least seeks to be as kind as possible.  My goal is no longer to injure the person but to bring about what is good and proper for all parties involved, including my would-be nemesis.

So this is working fairly well for me at this stage of life.  When I’m able to turn the other cheek, which right now I’m doing at about a 49% ratio, I’m pleased to find it does not diminish my image in the eyes of others at all.  Most seem to respect someone with enough strength to hold off on the quick verbal counterpunch, and seek a way not to pursue a righteous vendetta.  It’s a work in progress, and a good work.

I’m sure this is included in what Jesus had in mind when he told the disciples to “forgive seventy times seven”, and in his Sermon On The Mount as he instructed to turn the other cheek and go another mile.  I believe a big part of my job here at the church, as pastor/shepherd, is to encourage our people to practice it.  We must treat others with kindness.  But so comes the sticky part of the equation- it is hard to get people to behave as you would like!  I’m sure some in my congregation are thinking they could be a better church if they could just get rid of the pastor.  Sometimes I’m thinking we could have a fine church except for these annoying people!

If you have earned the right, then I think a word of rebuke is sometimes in order.  It can’t just come out of left field, from someone who has patently been an observer and just jumps on another because of personal offense or flared anger.  If you have sufficiently shown that you treat others with love and respect, then your confrontational words of disapproval come with integrity.  Decent people will give you a hearing.  But in my church, don’t jump on someone unless you’ve demonstrated you love that person.  This is especially true with children.

I believe we all have spots in our personal behavior that are glaringly ugly to others and yet blind to ourselves.  It is tough, and hurts, to have these pointed out to us.  But it seems to me such is a healthy and necessary function of a church, and pastor.  Again it must be done with consideration, love, and with the intent of healing instead of assassination.  Some people are a lot better at giving it out than receiving it.  They are quick to find fault in others, and just as quick to fight when you seek to gently nudge said person toward a better way of behavior.  Daring to deal with a church member who is unnecessarily injurious to others is a good way for a pastor to make enemies.

Sometimes I think it would be nice to live the life of Walden.  I envision a cabin somewhere far into the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, beside a beautiful lake with lots of big fish ready for the catch.  Except- that lake would be frozen solid for about a quarter of the year.  Maybe I could find a condo upon a hillside, somewhere on Oahu?  But, it would come with sky-high taxes, and church folk turned tourists.  So, guess I’ll just keep on working with imperfect folk, hopefully making incremental but positive difference.

So goes another chat with the mirror.  Thanks for listening in.

My favorite convenience store now requires employees to greet you with a “Hello!” as soon as you walk in the door.  Obviously it is a forced policy, done unenthusiastically and without expectation of response.  It is likely intended by upper management to make matters more personal, but I think it has the opposite effect.  The first couple of times I walked into the store to hear the cheery greeting, I tried to respond in kind.  But the clerk and/or worker was not interested in what I had to say!  So now I understand what is going on, and ignore the greeting.  But it does create some angst.  Seems to me, in polite society, when someone speaks to you then you should respond.  But what if that person does not expect or even want your response?  Then such a greeting is manufactured, shallow, and insincere.  It is akin to the customary “How do you do?”, although worse.  Sometime early in life I realized that the person asking this question is most likely not interested in my elaboration of well-being, and wants nothing more than an affirmative one-word-reply.  But at least, in this matter, a reply is expected.  Not so with the convenience store clerk.  He is busy with a line of customers wanting cigarettes and lottery tickets, his mind is likely somewhere else, and to top it off he obviously resents the requirement to give a cheery hello to every person walking in the door.

I will have to start buying my gas and Slurpy at the other place, down the street.  They separate cashier from customer with bullet-proof Plexiglas.  She speaks little English, and works a crossword puzzle.  But there is no corporately forced pretense about her.  I’ll slip my cash into the little drawer, and if she returns my smile, at least it will be genuine.

It was Monday morning.

My cell phone had fallen into a glass of tea.  I blame the design of the car.  There is a rectangular slot just below the radio.  It is intended, I am sure, for such things as keys, glasses, and cell phones.  Immediately below that slot is the cup holder.  I like tea, and I use a cell phone, and so the inevitable had to happen.  It went out in a blaze of glory with a fantastic display of lights and sounds, better than any ring tones I have seen.  Then it died.  A friend said to soak it overnight in a container of rice.  The cure did not work, although I did manage to spill the rice.

The associate was standing out front as I pulled up to the cell phone store.  Apologetically she explained that, somehow, she managed to lock herself out of the store and to break the lock.  The locksmith was on the way, and the store should be opened in about 20 minutes.  This was understandable.  We all do stupid things, especially it seems on Monday mornings.  So Skylar, my 4-year-old granddaughter, wanted an ice cream.  Her mother and grandmother would never allow this.  But I like to foil their heavy handed plans for the kid’s health, so we drove over to the combination ice cream and donut shop.  She gleefully perused the 31 flavors.  Although, I only counted 20; what’s up with that?  A seemingly confused little man ambled back to take our orders.  The big-board menu advertised a kid’s cone for $1.99.  Skylar asked for a Strawberry Shortcake Kid’s Cone.  He was even more confused, then put his face almost into the cooler as he methodically searched the flavors.  Then he asked what sized cone?  I replied a kid’s cone.  A dazzled look came into his eyes again.  What size of cone?  I could see, aside his left hand, the kid’s cones wrapped with the distinctive paper and logo, ready for the dip of ice cream.  It seemed a bizarre moment.  So I told him just to forget it and we walked out the door, listening to his angry chatter in some unknown language.

Back to the store.  Now her boss was standing beside, but the door still was not opened.  So we drove down to the place that serves Frosties.  As I am sure you are aware, a frosty is a decadent calorie delight.  I ordered two.  The register was not opened.  And, the prices had gone up, once again.  We sat down to enjoy the treats, and covenanted to do this every week, just Skylar and I.

The phone store was still closed, although a man with goggles and a drill was busy remedying the situation.  We returned in 30 minutes to make the transaction.  I had done my homework and knew the phone I wanted.  It was supposed to come with a rebate.  I pointed to the phone and asked about the rebate.  The guy was obviously perturbed that I was not interested in a more expensive model.  He pointed out the limitations of my selected phone.  In reply I again asked about the rebate.  Begrudgingly, he pulled out a sheet of forms, and scanned the minute print so as to inform me that the rebate does not apply to an upgrade.  I wasn’t too happy about that, so told him just to sell me the cheapest phone available.  He said he could not do that, because that particular phone would not adequately pick up the signals.  So I ended up selecting the model I wanted at the beginning.

He added a $10 transfer fee, which I knew to be at his discretion.  I asked that it be dropped, since I had to return to the store three times.  He said he would do it, if I were to buy a more expensive phone.  I gritted my teeth, and said I understand. 

So I scanned the computerized contract/receipt, and noticed I was overcharged by 99 cents.  That’s right- the store signs and the ads did not include the 99 cent addendum.  I pointed it out and asked that the contract be reprinted and my money refunded.  He met me with a blank stare, as did his assistant.  They had a brief and edgy conversation, in Korean.  He reached into the drawer and handed me a dollar.  Is that o.k., he asked?  I considered that I was also due the refund of six cents in taxes, but decided to be magnanimous and say nothing.

My new phone did not work properly, so later I had to return once again for adjustments to the codes.  The guy was not in the mood for chitchat.

Here’s my point:  Sometimes when it seems that everybody has a problem, and every person you encounter is mistreating you- likely the person with the biggest problem is yourself!  Hey, it was Monday morning.  Give me a break!

A lovable and somewhat eccentric little lady of our congregation just visited the church office for a few minutes.  I listened to the interaction with the secretary, not much wanting the challenge of such banter on a Monday morning.  But after she walked out the door, the conversation registered in my tired mind.  She lost her shoe.  Sometime and somewhere between Sunday morning worship and her arrival home, her shoe disappeared.  This conjures the developing scenario in my mind.  I picture her hobbling around in the sanctuary and out to her car oblivious to the limp.  She shuffles into her home to change into some comfortable clothes- lo and behold, only one shoe!  In the past I’ve helped her search for glasses and purses.  She maintains a huge home, drives a big Cadillac all about town, and bakes cakes for shut-ins.  As best I can tell it is not Alzheimer’s, but just a quirk of personality.

I want to be careful as I write this, and hopefully understood of those close to the situation who might take offense.  And I smile as the words come out, for I am captain and chief representative.  The church I pastor is now quite a collection of the wounded and battle-worn.  Somewhere along the way this nice and quiet, and typical little Southern congregation, has changed.  The process has been going on for quite a while.  Some did not like the developing scenario, and found other places to hang out on Sunday mornings.  The rest of us have hung together.  Now it seems that complicated lives and personalities are attracted to our church family.  Allow me to explain.  Religious culture would imply the typical church is supposed to be made up of mostly intact families, people of middle class lifestyles.  They are to be conservative of outlook, look and live like me.  Of course they have problems, but only of temporary nature, and always overcome with counseling and prayer.  But it simply has not worked out that way at this little church.

Last Sunday morning I scanned the congregation and took a few moments to reflect.  They were singing and did not seem to notice.  There were quite a few elderly folk, dressed nicely and singing with gusto.  They’re still a bit overwhelmed with the changes of culture and church, but with good nature and faith are doing their best to accept things, and graciously loving their pastor in the process.  I saw the dotting of different cultures- blacks, Asians, and Hispanics among the mix.  But most importantly I saw people.  Seemingly they all have stories of interest to tell, some public and some private.  It seems we are all quite imperfect, in process and far from arriving.

*A history of substance abuse, and the ugly stuff that accompanies.
*Messy family problems of many kinds.
*And people who have done bad things.
*Inconsistent lifestyles.
*Annoying personalities.
*We have regular attendees who have done time in prison, and some are still on parole.
*Troubled marriages and multiple blended families- yep.
*Of course, we have a bunch of just plain folk.  Or, more likely, I’m not privy to their stories!

Along the way I have lost a dream, and found another.  I always thought I would climb the ministry ladder of success, with bigger churches and more pay as affirmation of God’s approval.  Lots of guys have been able to do such, having their names regularly appear in denominational periodicals.  I was never overly impressed with most of them.  And, even as I write I want to make sure the roof does not collapse on me, at times I’ve held a bit of a grudge against God.  I’ve wanted to be successful- rub elbows with Baptist elites, baptize big numbers into big churches.  But it has not worked out that way.  It has been fairly recent that I’ve finally come to peace with my place in life.  And, peace is a big thing: to feel I am indeed where I need to be in life, to measure accomplishment and success by a higher standard, and to lay my head upon the pillow at night with satisfaction in my heart.  I do not think a bigger house or denominational accolades could ever give me this.

Today I’ll visit an elderly member at a rehab facility.  A young man in danger of losing his family wants to talk.  Two people with histories of drug abuse and imprisonment want to know if there are places of service for them in God’s kingdom.  And I’ll search the church property for a missing shoe!