I have been getting to know a man who is struggling with an addiction.  In the course of our interaction and friendship, I've come to recognize and respect a stubborn integrity inherent in his fight for life and meaning.  He's not a superman.  He's filled with flaws.  And, he knows this may be his last chance to find a way out.  I'm there to help.  We will try to make the journey together.

In his honesty of conversation he has passed along some interesting insights. I'll share a few:

Isolation is an ongoing battle. When alone, when not connected with those who care, it is a lot easier to do drugs. And when you are under the influence, then the loneliness does not seem so bad. To me, the answer is to connect with others who will build you up. This is where the church can wrap arms around such a person and truly love him into a better way of life.

Those who shine are people who never give up on you. This young man has battled with his family for many years. He has done some things probably worthy of abandonment. And, on the surface, his parents seem to be rather simple people. But they have stayed with this guy. They've managed to show him respect. After twelve long years of rebellion, he is coming around. He is quite grateful, even amazed, at their love.

You never know when God is connecting you with someone of need. His parents started attending my church about a month ago. I dropped by to see his dad, and casually met this young man out in the yard. We conversed superficially for a few minutes, and I invited him to church. He attended a worship service, we talked some more, and now I'm privileged to be connected with his quest for a change of life. The lesson: stay faithful with loving others and making yourself available, and those who need what you have to offer will come your way.

We talked about what it is like to be "high". He said it feels good, which I already surmised. But he said it is not good enough, nor long enough, and it sure leaves you empty when you come down. And then he said something real interesting. Initially, he was looking for his involvement in church to enable him to "get high on Jesus". I thought about the phrase. I've heard it used by Christian speakers, to encourage an alternative to drugs. Then the young man made a point that I found to be encouraging. It showed some maturity on his part. He has realized that following Christ is a matter of ongoing relationship and commitment, and not an emotional high. I smiled. He is so right!

Think about this new friend as he begins his journey of faith. With God's help, he will make it.

Vengeance is revenge taken for an insult, injury, or other wrong. It moves beyond protection of self and others, which would be justifiable force. And it moves beyond justice. It is true that justice involves punishment, an action intended to protect others and deter future harm. However, justice morphs into vengeance when the punishment is brought about foremost for emotional benefit of self, and not truly for the good of greater society.

As an example, at this time of societal development, I believe the death penalty is a matter of vengeance. As such, in my opinion it is unworthy of a truly civilized society. Certainly it is not Christian. And I understand as a conservative and Evangelical Christian, and as a political conservative, my point of view is very much in the minority.

I've mentioned my viewpoint a couple of times at church when I thought the study and the scriptures invited such. Most paritioners sort of look at me, with blank stares that say "I don't comprehend and it does not matter because I've already my mind made up and do not want to consider more deeply about the issue". One lady, a couple of times, replied with great emotion that I would think differently if my sister had been raped and killed. Gently I acknowledged her pain, and briefly explained there is a difference between what is right and good, and what I as a sin-capable human being might personally do. I tried to emphasize that I understand such anger and pain and desire to retaliate. But, while justice is our responsibility and right, vengeance is God's job. This lady did not understand. Her sister was murdered, and she would be glad to see the one who did it impaled from a pitchfork. And I really cannot blame her, although I think God expects better.

In my journey upon this earth, I am not even close to achieving the ideal of a heart that foregoes vengeance. I'd like to think my greatest struggle would be to eschew vengence when someone I love is injured, and I'd like to think I have come to the point that I can overcome the temptation to exact vengeance in response to strictly personal offense. Jesus says to turn the other cheek; sometimes I can do that. Not always.

The capacity for vengeance shows up, sometimes, as I am driving. Let's say a driver cuts me off, narrowly missing my front bumper. Primitive hand gestures sometimes follow. More irritating is when the guy behind me flashes his lights and rides my bumper. I slow down even more. Most irritating is the careless driver on the cellphone.

I can be vengeful. It's a fact. It's something God's working on in my life. A lesson yet to be fully implemented into behaviour.

I write of the "heart of darkness". I think, lurking within every person, is the capacity for evil. The Bible is abundant with this teaching. I pray. I spend time with God. And I resemble the ideal, Jesus Christ, a tad bit more than before. But, just a tad.

I remember, about 20 years ago, going through a very difficult situation with a group of people. They were relentless in their ugliness toward my family and self. I sought to reason with them, but they were hellbent for my demise. I asked God to deliver me, and yet the confrontation continued for over a year. These were supposed to be fellow Christians, disciples of the same loving Jesus as myself. Yet they were mean. I finally worked through the matter and found a way to survive. Toward the end, when it became obvious that God was not going to swoop down to my rescue, I had a dream. It was a sweet dream. It felt so very good. I can still vividly remember some of the details. In the dream I took a gun, a big gun, and went from house to house to confront my enemies. One by one I looked them in the eyes, and without remorse I pulled the trigger. There was no guilt. And, like I said, it was only a dream. In real life, I never threw a punch, and I tried to behave with as much gentleness as I could muster at that point in my process of maturity. But it is a reminder that, inside somewhere, is a person who just possibly could do such a thing. It scares me, and it humbles me. It is a reminder of why I must follow Christ.

Last night I saw the movie Death Sentence. Following will be a quick run of the plot. Then I want to deal with the theme of the film, which is vengeance.

Nick Hume lives a great life. He has a nice home, good job, beautiful wife, and great kids. Who could ask for more? All of this comes crashing down when his son is senselessly murdered as a bystander during a gas station robbery. Hume is incredulous to discover that his son's death is actually a calculated gang initiation. The perpetrator is captured and prepared to face justice. If the father, the only witness to the crime, will testify convincingly then the killer may get a couple of years in prison. Hume is so angered at the injustice of the situation that he refuses to testify against the creepy and unrepentant gang member. The cocky kid is released and the vengeful dad quietly follows him to his residence. Later that evening, he walks outside to the dumpster, where Hume confronts him with a knife. A struggle ensues, and halfway by accident the knife ends up in the side of killer. The broken man has exacted revenge. And in doing so, he continues in motion an escalating series of violent acts of vengeance between the gang and himself. In the process, it seems that everyone of significance is destroyed. His family is murdered. Every gang member is killed. And Nick Hume becomes a monster.

An interesting exchange occurs toward the end of the movie. Hume and the gang have their final shootout in what looks to be an old, abandoned church. The protagonist is armed with powerful guns. A leg is completely severed by a shotgun blast. A bad guy is shot in the forehead at point blank range. Billy Darley is the powerful and violent leader of the now dead gang. He and Hume exchange a flurry of gunfire, and both are wounded and exhausted. Both stagger and end up sitting side-by-side, exhausted, upon a bench. Darley looks over at his opponent, whose head is shaved and face spattered by blood, and says something like the following: "Look at you. You're just like me." Hume pulls out a revolver, cocks the hammer, and says matter-of-factly, "Are you ready?" The spent Darley simply closes his eyes and nods his head. The film spares us the next scene, but we all know what happens.

It is a good movie. Not a classic, and it has some flaws. It is violent, very much. I think Kevin Bacon is always a good actor. Garrett Hedlund is quite scary as the unstable and capable gang leader. And John Goodman plays well his cameo as a greasy gun dealer with coke-bottle glasses. Obviously the film is hypocritical with its message, simultaneously glorifying violence while preaching against taking the law into your own hands. To me a good film will leave an impact upon your heart and mind. And this is one I cannot forget easily.

Could you, would you, with calculation exact revenge upon an enemy? Maybe, you do it even now, in subtle but unmistakable ways. What would you do if another person, with calculation and evil, were to bring serious injury or death to someone you love? If the only route to justice would be vengeance, would you do it? My answer is yes. It is complicated and quite a bit messy, and is not good.  But I am capable of such.   I'll explore this in the next post.