Hasselhoff vs. Simmons: Who Will Win?
Fairmoon claims this adorable creature as the sure winner:
I dare to say this guy will be the winner:
When we place these two in head-to-head competition, who will win?
Wrestling Match?
I truly believe that Richard Simmons would win a wrestling match between these two. I know he is older, I think. And his body is not as buff; Hasselhoff does have cute buns, don't you think? But that's just it. This Baywatch guy is all show. His body is groomed for the television. Richard, on the other hand, has developed his physique in an ongoing battle against obesity. He is forced to stay in good physical conditioning. In the match he would slowly wear down The Hass. Maybe get him in a headlock and squeeze, and just not let go. Hass would exert his superior strength for about 15 minutes, and then tire out. For the rest of the time Simmons would be able to just toy with him. And he would.
Worst Actor?
I've seen Baywatch. To be honest I remember very little about Hasselhoff. What was he, a beach physician or something? Now I did notice his assistant actresses. And they were all excellent at their crafts. Just tremendous. In contrast, once I saw about 5 minutes of a Sweatin-To-The-Oldies Video. I think it was in a Sears store. His assistants looked nothing like those on Baywatch. I did not even need to confess after watching. If anything, his video was an encouragement not to lust. So, this category goes to Hasselhoff.
Most Time On My Television?
Hasselhoff wins, mostly because of the talking car. I liked that car.
Most Likely To Be Gay?
Now at first glance, you would think this would be a tie. Although as a sometimes-mature person, I know the stereotype is unfair, still if anyone should be trying to look "gay" it would be these two. But Simmons repeatedly has denied that he is gay. Why would he look that way, act that way, and talk that way, and yet deny that he is gay unless he is telling the truth? So The Hass is gay, but I'll give this point to Simmons because of the courage & audacity of his claim.
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Worst Avatar? Most grating, most obnoxious, most unappealing, most likely to make you lose your appetite and not want to view this person's blog? That's up to you. I'll run this thing for about a day, and I need you to leave a note- Hasselhoff or Simmons?
Please vote now!!
03.12.06 (10:14 pm) [
edit]
posted by:
Fairmoon (
reply)
post date:
03.12.06 (5:43 pm)
Can i vote for myself!? I just showed my husband the avatars up for the contest and he told me that the hasselhoff poster I put up he's seen at the head office of the company he works for. It's a full size poster in the office of one of the employees there- it's a joke, she's a "hard core lesbian" as my hasband says it.
He votes for me too!
FM
posted by:
danielmacdonald (
reply)
post date:
03.12.06 (6:13 pm)
my vote go for fairmoons any thing except Richard simmons!!! he should be shot and hung .
Dan
posted by:
danielmacdonald (
reply)
post date:
03.12.06 (6:13 pm)
my vote go for fairmoons any thing except Richard simmons!!! he should be shot and hung .
Dan
posted by:
bacardibreezer (
reply)
post date:
03.12.06 (6:45 pm)
umm...eek...I vote for Richard Simmons...he's funny in that "I'm laughing AT you" sorta way
posted by:
LeananSidhe (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (5:50 am)
Oh wow, I'd really have to toss a coin to choose! They both annoy me, they both kinda scare me, and they both make more money than I do.
*tossing coin*
My vote is for: Hasselhoff.
posted by:
Fairmoon (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (6:11 am)
YIPPEE!!! I'm winning. I don't know why i'm so proud. is there a prize at the end of this? :P
FM
posted by:
graceshaker (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (6:29 am)
arent we voting for which one we think is most annoying?
simmons. by a long shot. especially when hes on letterman and acts all hurt when dave makes a sarcastic remark.
and if you take a careful look at danielmacdonalds vote is actually for simmons too. so by my count its now 3-2 simmons.
but how do you root for something to be most annoying?
posted by:
ruined (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (7:13 am)
Simmons! And that's because I equate his face with his voice, which reminds me of fingernails on the chalkboard. Very annoying!
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (7:33 am)
Reply to: Fairmoon
2 votes for Hass.
I'm not sure that is fair. I may have to get my 12-day-old granddaughter to vote for me.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (7:35 am)
Reply to: danielmacdonald
1 for Hass
1 for Simm
After reading your comment a couple of times, it seems you are saying that Simmons is the most annoying. but you stated your vote goes for FM. So, since you posted twice, and it is a confusing post, I'll do a Wisdom of Solomon on this one and split the vote.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (7:37 am)
Reply to: bacardibreezer
A Vote For the Brillo Pad
So, you think there is intent with his faux-gay personality?
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (7:38 am)
Reply to: LeananSidhe
1 vote Hass
Now are you sure you said "heads Hasselhoff"?
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (7:39 am)
Reply to: Fairmoon
No prize. Just the deep and abiding satisfaction of accomplishing something highly worthwhile. Not.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (7:41 am)
Reply to: graceshaker
I have caught Simmons on late-nite-tv. He and Regis make quite a duo for Letterman. If I'm extremely tired and my eyes are working but my brain is almost asleep, then Richard Simmons can even be funny. It's a laugh-at-you kind of thing. Bacardi believes its a schtick of his, a way to get the last laugh and big bucks. Probably right.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (7:42 am)
Reply to: graceshaker
1 vote for Simmons
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (7:44 am)
Reply to: ruined
1 Vote for Simmons
So you don't like his voice. He sounds very much like my mother-in-law. Come to think of it, he also looks like her. Now I'm depressed, thinking about what my wife will become in about 20 years.
posted by:
KaiKai (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (8:17 am)
I'm not sure who Simmons is, but you can't beat the Hoff. Well, you can, but he'll probably have you arrested.
posted by:
graceshaker (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (9:16 am)
Reply to: KaiKai
you arent sure who richard simmons is? oh thou fortunate soul...
posted by:
graceshaker (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (9:17 am)
ruined makes a good point about the voice. hass voice is fairly normal. simmons on the other hand...
posted by:
funkadelichika (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (10:08 am)
Well I have always found simmons a little creepy. Ok more than a little creepy. Until now I have never really found hasselhof creepy. It is just that picture that annoys me. If I had to choose which picture annoys me most it would be the hasselhof. But for overall annoyingness it would be simmons. So I guess for this my vote goes to the hasselhof.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (10:58 am)
Reply to: KaiKai
You do not know who Simmons is? Not familiar with Sweatin' To The Oldies? Never encountered him on the Today Show, or Late Night With David Letterman? Never heard him tell how his heart is broken for fat people? You have missed out on a significant figure in entertainment today. You are so lucky. You are the luckiest person I know. Wait, that is an inappropriate word by someone who believes in providence. You are immeasurably "blessed".
One vote for Hass. You have broken the tie.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (11:00 am)
Reply to: funkadelichika
Hasselhoff again. But that one was close. I could tell that you were wavering with your chilce up until the end. With this you cannot halt between two opinions. Even though it was tough, you made a decision. I rspect that, although in my opinion you made the wrong decision.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (11:23 am)
Another vote for Hasslehoff.
My wife! She was totally "creeped out" by the hairy legs going all the way up.
That Hasslehoff ahead 8 - 5.
posted by:
scarlettgkpi (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (11:47 am)
Simmons is still the most annoying for me. Hasslehoff is annoying too but until recently I didn't even know who he was. So:
My vote: Simmons
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (12:57 pm)
Thank you, scarlett, for disliking Russell Simmons. That brings the score closer:
Hasslehoff 8, Simmons 6
posted by:
darksaber (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (2:18 pm)
I vote for hasselhoff. I just do not want to see that much of a guy's legs or the look on his face saying "Check out these hairy man-legs. Mmmmmmm."
-Revan
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (3:05 pm)
This is fixed. I'm calling in Jimmy Carter.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (3:30 pm)
Reply to: darksaber
9-6, Hasselhoff is pulling ahead
Those legs are hairy. Revolting.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (3:31 pm)
Reply to: surrogate
Hey, the pollster is fair. I can only hope for a late surge as the votes from the suburbs come in.
posted by:
danielmacdonald (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (3:44 pm)
no way I think my voite is for FM. not RS. sorry he don't get my vote for anything RS don't get it.
Dan
posted by:
danielmacdonald (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (3:45 pm)
no way I think my voite is for FM. not RS. sorry he don't get my vote for anything RS don't get it.
yea it was not clear at all so that why I am posting this again.
Dan
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (4:32 pm)
I understand the will of the people. I'll not be a sore loser, aka Al Gore. I'll admit when I am defeated. The people, you fellow t-bloggers, obviously thing David Hasselhoff to be more annoying/obnoxious/irritating than Richard Simmons. I do not agree with you, but I will accept your will.
Fairmoon, congrats! You win.
I now encourage all to cut-and-paste Hasselhoff onto your screen as a screensaver for the next 7 days, in honor of Fairmoon.
posted by:
Fairmoon (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (6:46 pm)
thank you thank you! I feel *sniff* so proud. remind me why i care so much?
FM
posted by:
graceshaker (
reply)
post date:
03.13.06 (8:32 pm)
it was all those hanging chads!
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
03.14.06 (2:20 am)
so those were chads?
posted by:
Fla. bread mixer (
reply)
post date:
03.15.06 (5:58 am)
I would say Simmons would annoy even the cheesey Hass to the point of no return and win in a no contest, however it is my opinion that Pee Wee Herman would take either one in a head to head contest.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.15.06 (6:13 am)
Reply to:
Fla. bread mixer, do I know you?
Pee Wee Herman is a extremely annoying, irritating, even nauseating character, so yes he would make a great avatar for this purpose. Would he beat these guys in a wrestling match? He has a weak, doughy physique. But, he probably has very strong biceps, developed by what he does in theatres at night while watching naughty movies. And I will almost bet he would be a dirty wrestler. So I wouldn't count him out. Still, Simmons would whip him in the ring. But I think the two would like each other, socially.
