BellSouth Employee Pees On My Church
(This story will most likely not remain posted on my blog. But I had to tell it; read it while you can!)
I walked upon him midstream. “Are you peeing on my church?” Startled, he turned as he doused his pants and legs pretty good. There was a look of fright on his face, as if he had just seen God. With voice quivering he zipped his pants and replied, “Sir, I’m sorry. I take blood pressure medication and I just had to stop somewhere.” I told him there was a BellSouth office about a mile down the road, and I thought it would be a fine place to do his thing. I will not reveal his name, except that “Jim” was on his name tag. Noting the information blazoned on the side of his van, which served as a protective backdrop for his urination delight, I stated, “I have a good mind to call this number and tell them that their employee sees the need to relieve himself on my church property. Please do not do this again.”
As he drove away, I was thinking I would not want to touch any phone equipment he may install today. And then I considered that I have BellSouth phone equipment. Wouldn’t it be just the luck of the draw, or karma, that he would be the serviceman to show up next time I need help? Then I thought, “Dave, you know that guy was twice as big as you. One of these days…”
He is not the first or the last. Some of these people commute up to two hours to work everyday, and if they start out with a cup of coffee, chances are they could end up behind someone’s building, somewhere, doing you-know-what.
A couple of years ago we had a “regular”. Every morning at the same time, he would pull behind the church, which is also behind my house, for his “morning devotions”. I decided not to bother him until I noticed that my kids started gathering at the window to watch the disgusting ritual. So one morning I walked out, after-stream, and engaged the guy in conversation. He was having a quick smoke.
“Good morning. Where do you go to church?” I asked.
“Such-n-such Baptist Church. Why do you ask?”
“I thought later on today, I would drive out, and go pee on your church.”
In the next minute I watched as his face revealed a gamut of emotions. His face turned beet-red, then angry, then he just hung his head. “I’ll not be back,” he said.
“Tell that to the grass you just killed”
WWJD? Probably not. Oh, well. Guess I just lost another church prospect.
03.16.06 (9:45 am) [
edit]
posted by:
JT (
reply)
post date:
03.16.06 (4:55 am)
Pastor, you're awesome. Sorry people feel the need to relieve themselves there, though. That's just not right.
I'm just guessing -- you probably don't have so many females committing this particular act... It's definitely not a girl thing to relieve onesself in public. *grin*
posted by:
Fairmoon (
reply)
post date:
03.16.06 (5:02 am)
lol lol lol lol all day long!!!
FM
posted by:
1graham (
reply)
post date:
03.16.06 (5:02 am)
Interesting blog. I generally don't randomly read others blogs but I noticed your blurt and then your 'recent blog.' Sometimes you just gotta go but the Church is not the place for that particular relief. Hopefully his church has more than one restroom for men, they might find him on the front lawn Sunday.
posted by:
LeananSidhe (
reply)
post date:
03.16.06 (5:53 am)
What, are there no service stations on this guy's way to work? How disrespectful. Like how you handled it...if this guy ever does service your bellsouth equiptment there's no doubt in my mind that you'll get a discount ;)
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.16.06 (7:33 am)
Reply to: JT
No females.
But I have a story. A couple of years ago, I was trying to help a Latino husband and wife to find a place to stay for the night. They were following me in their car. He motioned that he was pulling over. She proceeded to get out of the car, walk over to some bushes, and "do her thing". Right there behind the bush. I gues that kind of thing is socially acceptable in Costa Rica. The cultural change for many of these immigrants is indeed a challenge.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.16.06 (7:35 am)
Reply to: Fairmoon
Laughing with me or at me?
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.16.06 (7:38 am)
Reply to: 1graham
I'm glad you stopped by.
What would be his reaction if some stranger pulled up into his driveway, stepped to the front porch, and did his business. This guy of course would be furious.
I guess we need to put up a sign, "No Peeing On Church Property" or "Peeing Is Prohibited".
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.16.06 (7:40 am)
Reply to: LeananSidhe
You think I would get a discount. With such an encounter, I would say nothing about this matter. I'd just give him that "look" that I remember, and let his conscience do the rest. It would probably work. Might even get a free phone out of the deal.
posted by:
guerillafunk (
reply)
post date:
03.16.06 (9:33 am)
I wish they had a sign for that, ferreal. Like the one for swimmers: "NOTE: There is no "P" in our OOL. Let's keep it that way."
You should make a sign, lol.
It's so disrespectful to pee on the church. All I can picture is that horrible little "Piss On [insert object here]" guy you see stuck to the back windows of pickup trucks.
<3
G.Funk
posted by:
Darksaber (
reply)
post date:
03.16.06 (11:43 am)
As if we do not have enough to worry about, there are serial urinators! Actually my church is supposed to have a "moat" around it to sort of lower temperature. I don't think it's ever been filled, and I just had a strange thought regarding your post and that moat's empty state. OK nevermind.
-Revan
ps. keep the post up!
posted by:
mercuryrising (
reply)
post date:
03.16.06 (11:44 am)
LOL. Too funny, and laughing with you, of course, pastordave :)
Back home in Greenville, South Carolina I used to work at Winn Dixie while I was in high school. There used to be a BellSouth truck that would be parked behind the store every afternoon...he wasn't peeing..he was always sleeping. Those bellsouth employees! lol
Thanks for sharing that.. it reminds me of home in a sad, weird kinda way :)
posted by:
ScubaDiva (
reply)
post date:
03.16.06 (12:13 pm)
WWJD = What would Jim do? LOL
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.16.06 (2:02 pm)
Reply to: guerillafunk
What would the sign say?
"We're already BAPTIST- We don't need any more P"
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.16.06 (2:04 pm)
A church with a moat around it? I have not seen that. Send me a picture, please.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.16.06 (2:06 pm)
Reply to: mercuryrising
We have a local restaurant which serves as a gathering place for working folk, and retired folk. There is a table full of Bellsouth guys who gather around 10:30 a.m., and sometimes they are still there well after lunch break. They're "working".
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.16.06 (2:07 pm)
WWJP - Where Will Jim Pee?
posted by:
Bhere4me (
reply)
post date:
03.16.06 (3:05 pm)
why can;t they just pee on the side of the road? honestly. why does there have to be a building??
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.16.06 (5:38 pm)
It's just a male thing, I guess.
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
03.17.06 (3:37 am)
I have an idea! Make a "urine shrine." Surely crazier things have been done. Okay, heres the deal:
Right next to the road put up a little sign that simply says "Urine Shrine" with an arrow pointing to a specific area... then another sign, and another till it takes them to the edge of the property where you could have a little wodden ring of some kind laying on the ground, next to which you'd put a post with a metal offering box attached... A little placcard should request a specific ammount to "use" the shrine, say $5.00. I figure either people will get the idea that you're ridiculing them a bit, or? hey, 5 bucks!
posted by:
ScarlettGKPi (
reply)
post date:
03.17.06 (2:38 pm)
That is just so disgusting for one and for another it is completely disrespectful! I'm glad you confronted him!!
posted by:
tucky (
reply)
post date:
03.17.06 (5:19 pm)
i might have to laugh all night about this... thanks PD
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.18.06 (7:17 am)
Reply to: surrogate
Urine Shrine. We're not supposed to promote idolatry, you know. I'm afraid, next thing you know, a Urine Day would come about. Rednecks from all over America would gather on that day to discuss and share about urine, and to pee on my church. That would never do.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.18.06 (7:19 am)
Reply to: ScarlettGKPi
Disgusting? Disrespectful? Lots of folk are proud to claim those titles. Please don't encourage any t-bloggers to travel this way for like purposes.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.18.06 (7:21 am)
Don't laugh so hard...
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
03.18.06 (7:43 am)
Reply to: PastorDave
In that case... make the signs point over to the Unitarian Church... those folks seem to find beauty in everything... (My Mom has been attending a very nice one for a number of years. When I've gone with her, I always feel like a cynic... even though I agree with much of what I've heard there, it always feels like many of the people are trying to come off as more caring and more intelligent than I get the impression they are, or could possible be, (always feels like a half-day-long Wayne Dyer touchy-feely festival) and what makes me feel especally badly about it, is that I have no way to know if that's so or not, not do i have the inclination to attend often enough to find out.
I say? Give THEM the Urine Shrine.
posted by:
ruined (
reply)
post date:
03.18.06 (3:49 pm)
I once caught some dude peeing in a trash can outside of the Taco Bell I worked at. Funny thing... once we caught the guy, he never came back.
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
03.20.06 (4:54 am)
Reply to: ruined
After Taco Bell, you're lucky he was just peeing. Maybe he didn't eat there. (Sorry, thinking of personal experiences.)
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.20.06 (6:49 pm)
Reply to: thunderthighs
And you think that is funny? May someone from the California equivalent of Bellsouth defecate in your yard.
posted by:
graceshaker (
reply)
post date:
03.20.06 (7:24 pm)
we all have to pee somewhere and since God made the entire world theres no real chance of peeing on something that isnt his.
