I was in line at Burger King on Saturday morning, a bit grumpy myself and just wanting a Whopper.  The guy in front of me was verbally abusing the lady who was taking his order.  She appeared to be maybe 19 or 20 years old, a trainee still struggling with the intricacies of a cash register and the English language.  As I remember the conversation went something like this:

BIG HAIRY MAN:  I want two whoppers with cheese and no mayo.  And nothing else.

LITTLE MEEK WAITRESS:  Would you like to make that a meal?  It will only cost you a dollar more?  (This is what she is trained to suggest.  An expected part of her job.  More correctly, she said with a heavy accent, “Wuldcha luyk da whuppa meel?  Eyts only wun dullah muh!”

BIG HAIRY POMPOUS MAN:   (Pointedly, loudly, eyes riveted, pausing between words for emphasis) “I.....Want....Two...Whoppers.....Nothing.....More....”

LITTLE MEEK NERVOUS WAITRESS:  (Her face is flushed) “I was only trying to....”  (Big mistake.  She tried to converse with this man as an “equal”)

BIG HAIRY POMPOUS JERK MAN:  “What are you, deaf or something?  I'll tell you one more time what I want...”  (By now, everyone in the place has stopped to observe, including cooks and those of us standing in line.  The man is hovering in the face of the girl)

LITTLE MEEK NERVOUS SCARED WAITRESS: “Yes sir.”  She takes his money and rings up the order.  Her hands tremble.  She drops some change.  All the time, BIG MAN stares icily and unblinking.

About this time, the manager of the restaurant walks in.  BHPJM seems to know her!  He speaks a bit of friendly banter, displaying to all of us his connection to high society.  Then he points to the waitress and demands, “She was very rude and unprofessional to me.”  The waitress was now graven in color, and tightlipped.  The manager looked her way disaproovingly, and told BHPJM, “Don't worry.  I'll take care of it.”  He approved with a smug smile, then went off to consume his burgers, probably in about two bites.  Then the manager went behind the counter to help take care of the now-long-line of customers.

I was standing aside, thinking.  First I was hoping that, maybe, one of the cooks was able to insert something gross into his sandwich.  When I got up to the girl at the counter, I smiled my biggest and said to her, “Don't worry.  That guy was an A___hole.”  I said it so everybody around could hear, and I want to tell you I got more “amens” than I get for a Sunday morning sermon.  And that is a term I never use, but it just seemed most appropriate for the moment.

All during my meal I was thinking about what happened.  I looked back and wondered why he would want to treat someone so unkindly.  I went back to the counter and asked to speak to the manager. She was busy but finally worked her way over to me.  I said, “Mam.  I witnessed the entire encounter between those two.  I want you to know this young lady did nothing wrong.  That man was rude to her.  And he intimidated the little girl.  I think she is to be commended for handling it as well as she did.”  She looked at me, sighed, and said, quite knowingly, “Thank you.  I know what happened.”  Obviously, this guy may have been her acquaintance, but she also knew he was a BHPJM.  And I will add AH to the initials.

“A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter or to others, is not a nice person.” - Raytheon CEO Bill Swanson

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posted by: fairmoon (reply)
post date: 04.20.06 (9:23 am)

i like that quote. I agree with it too. I think everyone should spend a year of their lives working in serivce or retail. so they'll know how sucky it is and show more respect to the people doing those jobs.

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posted by: mimi (reply)
post date: 04.20.06 (11:20 am)

why didn't someone step on this horrible man while the dirty deed was taking place?????????????

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posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 04.20.06 (11:24 am)

Reply to: fairmoon

I've worked retail type jobs. I drove a shuttle van and worked at a rental car agency at the Kansas City airport for about a year- not too bad of a job, except for the contracts with government employees who sometimes were not so nice. I worked at a parking garage, 3rd shift, in KC also. And, one of my 3 worse jobs of all time, I worked in a portrait studio showing and selling pictures. How dare a customer think he/she is superior to you just because they perceive that they make more money than you.

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posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 04.20.06 (11:50 am)

Reply to: mimi

That is a fair question. Why do we, so often, stand aside as injustice/mistreatment is taking place? I'd be interested in the answer from fellow bloggers.

Why didn't someone step on this man while the deed was taking place?

(1)The drama had to "sink in" for me. I was aware, but not really tuned in to what was transpiring; just wanting to get a hamburger and be left alone.

(2)Then, as he was running his mouth, I was thinking that surely there was more to the story than what was before my eyes. Maybe she was behaving inappropriately toward him; after all, good and decent people just don't get this upset over a sandwich.

(3) I wondered if someone else would say something.

(4) And, there is always the question of whether face-to-face confrontation would accomplish anything? At times I have confronted, only to realize after the fact that there was a better way to handle that particular situation.

(5)Civilized people tend to avoid confrontation. This man would not have rationally and calmly discussed the issue with someone like myself. He would have been belligerent, and perhaps even physical.

Having offered all of the mentioned rationale, still it would probably have been appropriate to "take up" for the defenseless counter clerk.

Tell me, Mimi, have you witnessed similar situation(s)? And, what did you do?

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posted by: dangerkitty (reply)
post date: 04.20.06 (1:39 pm)

It's true. My father told me that when I went on my first big date. He said to pay attention to the little details - like whether or not he leaves the last french frie for you or does he blast his radio on high instead of talking to you etc. He also talked about the way that he treated others around me. For example, did he just hold the door open for me, or did he allow others to pass through as well.

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posted by: mimi (reply)
post date: 04.20.06 (2:15 pm)

Reply to: PastorDave
Pastor Dave, I must admit that I despise confrontation if it only involves me. I must also tell you that I am a "mother bear" when it comes to others and yes, I do speak out against bad treatment of others, especially those I feel are "helpless". I have often caught the rage and fire of others, but by the time I get through with them, they are hanging their heads and running away with their tail between their legs. I have "fired" doctors, I have demanded "so called professionals" to listen because I was talking to them and they started walking away! I stand up for friends and loved ones all the time. I don't feel that anyone should treat another person badly. So, yes, I probably would have stepped up to the plate and told this oaf that his behaviour toward the young woman was unacceptable and seen where it went from there. xoxo

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posted by: mom's heart (reply)
post date: 04.20.06 (2:48 pm)

I am glad you asserted yourself, and I believe God will forgive you for the AH remark. You were sticking up for one of the "least". Isn't there something like that in bilbes? Seems I remember something of that sort.
I'm sure the girl appreciated it. When I was a waiting tables I always appreciate a kind word after a Pompus Jerk's remark. They come in many shapes and sizes. Even denominations.

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posted by: babe4jesus55 (reply)
post date: 04.20.06 (2:59 pm)

I've been in a similiar situation to the waitress. I was officialing a tennis tournament when I spotted a parent coaching his daughter. (Coaching, except by coaches, isn't allowed in tennis.) I approached the man, who fiercly denied my claim. Then he told me that I, as an official, had no power to tell him to decease coaching and that he was going to report me to my superiors. This whole incident occured in front of about 25 adults. This being only my second time to official I was astonished and so angry I couldn't speak anymore, so I fetched another official to throw him out. (You'd never think of someone getting thrown of a tennis match, but it happens!)

Seriously, people need to take into consideration the hard work given to the public by the service sector of the work force and be more kind; we're just doing our job.

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posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 04.20.06 (6:10 pm)

Reply to: dangerkitty
Your father is wise. Always listen to your daddy!

You can also tell a lot about a guy by the way he treats his mom and his sister.

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posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 04.20.06 (6:11 pm)

Reply to: mimi
I do not think I would want to face the wrath of Mimi! I appreciate your sense of justice, and you have challenged me to renew mine.

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posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 04.20.06 (6:16 pm)

Reply to: mom's heart

Well, thanks. Like I said, that kind of language almost never comes out of me. Sometimes it enters the mind, but then it stops at the tip of my tongue. But with this guy, the word was just written all over his face. It was just his name for the moment.

Certainly, Jesus had a sense of indignation when others were mistreated. I think of the man with the withered hand. When the Pharisees did not want him to be healed because it was the Sabbath, Jesus gazed at them intently, and with anger. And the classic is when he drove the money changers out of the temple with a whip, because they had set up their business in the Court of the Gentiles, disabling for the non-Jews their only venue for worship.

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posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 04.20.06 (6:19 pm)

Reply to: babe4jesus55
What is so sad is that the child of this man you mention witnessed the ugly scene. Also, when this man berated the waitress, his daughter was with him. Children learn, good and bad. But, I believe there is a law at work out there in the universe- a jerk will always meet his/her match. In Christian circles, it is called the Law of the Harvest: "Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap."

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posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date: 04.20.06 (6:26 pm)

Nice job. I get sooooo sick and tired of seeing people being rude. I just don't get it.

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posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 04.20.06 (6:36 pm)

Reply to: surrogate
Me too. Here is a fast-food worker, maybe making $7 per hour, working hard. We should respect anyone willing to try to do a good job, and treat this person with kindness. Even when she messes up, or is surly in demeanor- good grief, it's a hamburger!

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posted by: lynne (reply)
post date: 04.20.06 (6:53 pm)

I couldnt agree more. I think that how one treats service people is a very accurate mark of their character. I am always most impressed with people who can treat rude service people kindly. I remember one time I was out to dinner with a particular friend whom I admire a LOT. Our waitress was very short with us and I was annoyed and was struggling to remain polite. My friend got this expression on her face that I can only describe as complete kindness and she asked the waitress if she was having a bad day. That poor waitress just sagged. It was almost like a weight was taken off her shoulders. A tear fell down her cheek and she whispered that her boyfriend of two years had just dumped her and moved out and even though she didnt want to come to work she *had* to so she could pay the rent which was late because he had taken the rent money with him. I felt like a heel for just feeling annoyed at that poor woman. After the waitress left us alone, my friend just said "I almost always find that when a stranger is rude to me it is because they are trying to hide a deep pain. It helps me tolerate their behavior and see them with compassion"

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posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 04.20.06 (6:57 pm)

Reply to: LadyG

Good point about timing. I would have never thought on that Saturday morning that I would have opportunity to be of service to another. I was unshaven and in a somewhat dark mood, and just looking for a hamburger. God's timing, and call to service, is always interesting. I guess we just need to be "on our toes".

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posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 04.20.06 (7:00 pm)

Reply to: lynne
Thanks for the refinement of the point I am trying to make. When a waitress is rude, I seldom consider the reason why, except to judge that person rather harshly. It is so true that most people behave unkindly because of personal pain. I believe the scripture says, "A soft answer turneth away wrath", a very good word of advice. I will try to put your moral into practice with the next bad waiter/waitress. By the way, that particular friend of yours sounds like a great person to hang around; a friend worth keeping.

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posted by: cherryblossmgrl (reply)
post date: 04.20.06 (7:04 pm)

AMEN, PastorDave! I do know people who work or have worked at Burger King, and at least in this area they definitely do not making $7 an hour! Anyway, as a waitress myself (restaurant, not food service) I appreciate this post. I am constantly dealing with rude/standoffish people, but instead of just giving them their food and them leaving, I have to return to them for 30 - 60 minutes for typical stuff. Sorry for the rambling ... but this was a great post!

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posted by: mimi (reply)
post date: 04.21.06 (1:22 am)

Reply to: PastorDave
LOL! I am a nice little woman until someone awakens the bear in me : ) then i am still nice unless i have to be otherwise : ) xoxox

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posted by: JT (reply)
post date: 04.21.06 (3:22 am)

Absolutely dead-on, Pastor Dave! I can't stand when I see injustice like that, partly because I'm a mom and have the MamaBear syndrome, but also because I've been in several customer service positions and know the difference between a great customer and a really difficult one.

I appreciate someone asking why nobody confronted the man, but the honest truth is, it's just not a safe thing to do these days. You just never know how someone will react. If the guy was that awful to a young, meek, emigrated woman, imagine how he might respond to being confronted with a critique of his behavior!

Now, I have in the past tried to diffuse a situation with a little humor, but only when I've known my audience. I think the best things here were that Dave both (a) tried to comfort the girl, and (b) spoke to the manager to let her know what really went on -- just to make sure the employee wouldn't be unfairly judged.

I feel the same way about service -- I thank every waiter, busperson, etc., and watch closely to how others treat them. I have a family member (related by marriage) who never thanks the waitstaff or even speaks without being condescending to them, and I find it repugnant.

Related to this, I'm the first person to provide a commendation for outstanding service and/or an especially kind or friendly demeanor -- whether it's a support person online, a phone conversation, or the checkout person at Target. I've gotten at least a few thank-you notes from an associate who was commended based on my compliments to their manager - and every one of them said how it made their day.

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posted by: bacardibreezer (reply)
post date: 04.21.06 (3:28 am)

It's sad but, the world is full of AHs. If people only lived by "treat others the way you want to be treated" it would be a better place *shrug*

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posted by: mom's heart (reply)
post date: 04.21.06 (5:11 am)

Reply to: PastorDave
I'm certain of your expansive vocabulary Pastor Dave and I'm confident that seldom, if ever, that you use such colorful explicatives. Is proves you ARE human like the rest of the population. No self-righteous pedestals for your feet. Only earned confidence in your faith and commitment to your Master. Several good comments on this posting. Glad to see how many others have incurred the rudeness and ignorance of service jobs and grown from the experience. I have one more thing to add; don't reach out and grab your waiter/waitress/register clerk. Keep those paws to ones self. Had it happen, not a good experience. Good part was I got to put them in THEIR place and I didn't get fired.

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posted by: mom's heart (reply)
post date: 04.21.06 (5:30 am)

JT gave a wonderful response. I too have a friend that is rather callus with those serving her. She made a comment once that people that work THESE jobs know what they're getting themselves into and are paid well enough to do it with a smile. Unknowingly she was sitting face to face talking to two former waitresses, table busers, floor moppers, and dishwashers. She also refused to EVER leave a tip.
Well, lets just say she was enlightened by the end of her meal. AND she left a tip and still does; at least if one of us are in her company.
My accquaintce, also had a misgiven conception that all service jobs paid at least minimum wage, which just is not true. (She assumed they were receiving that plus tips at the very least and figured they had to earn the tip by being her slave). She know's better now.

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posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 04.21.06 (7:03 am)

Reply to: cherryblossmgrl
Thanks, cherry. You make a good point: if a customer is rude, the waittress must continue to interact with the boor for 30 minutes or longer. I do like for a waiter/waitress to be non-interfering in my interaction with the other dinner parties. But I'm not hard to please. And, a good tip is a must. My wife worked as a waitress for many years. My son works as a cook at Chick-fil-a. And, my first job as a 14-year-old was as a busboy at a local fine dining establishment. Kindness, courtesy, gentleness. You can't really fake these qualities- they need to come from within, and indeed do reveal the real person.

It is amazing what people get paid around here. I saw a sign at a local fast-food restaurant looking for help, starting at $9 per hour, plus benefits. Maybe I should quit pastoring and start cooking fries?

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posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 04.21.06 (7:07 am)

Reply to: JT
The spoken/written commendation for excellent service is great. My wife recently wrote a note of compliment and put it in the drop-box of the local supermarket. They called her that night to say thanks, and to give her a $25 gift card! Apparently they do not get a lot of thank-you's.

Saying "thanks" takes only a moment, but the word sure makes an impression.

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posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 04.21.06 (7:09 am)

Reply to: bacardibreezer
Jesus didn't say much about AH's, at least not by that term, but you state the Golden Rule quite well. A key for me, with an AH, is to ignore him. Refuse to let him darken my day. And, to slight him is the most powerful weapon to use.

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posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 04.21.06 (7:11 am)

Reply to: mom's heart
You need to take about ten minutes to set up a t-blog acount, so your name will pop-up in my replies and save me the five seconds necessary to retype it!

When you say "grab" you mean grab your arm to get your attention, I hope.

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posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 04.21.06 (7:17 am)

Reply to: mom's heart

Never leaves a tip? What a cheapskate. A waitress makes $2.12 per hour and works a very hard job. My K worked at Waffle House for about a year, and I can promise you the clientale was a challenge. Some nights she could bring home $100+ in tips. But she earned every dollar. And, thinking about it, $500 per week, of which she must pay taxes and double-social-security, will not make anyone rich. This little girl at Burger King made far less. Many of these hard-working immigrants are very poor, and some with opressive home lives. I admire her, and wish her success. May she one day drop a Supersized Pepsi on the head of BHPJMAH. In a Christian kind of way, of course.

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posted by: ruined (reply)
post date: 04.21.06 (2:32 pm)

Wow... the timing of this story couldn't be any better. I just brought dinner home from Burger King. They got all of our orders correct (buying food for 5 is a daunting task). All, except for my wife's order, which they managed to completely screw up, except for the Cherry Coke. My wife actually had to drive back (20 miles, keep in mind). Not only did she get her meal, but when my wife was done with them, she also got her money back. I think that's the Dutch blood in her, actually... :)

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posted by: todayinprophecy (reply)
post date: 04.21.06 (4:50 pm)

I like the way you transitioned from BHM to BHPJM.

People like him will get their just reward.

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posted by: mom's heart (reply)
post date: 04.21.06 (5:33 pm)

Reply to: PastorDave
NO, it was not my arm the jerk man grabbed. Neither was it the last time he came to that establishment. Though he did bring a wife with him on most of his return visits. I refused to tend his table so the owner took care of them.
Set up an account. You need the exercise PD. A tiny bit of typing is worth the effort to converse. I'm not yet convinced I want an account. I'll wait and see how things go for a while.

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posted by: cherryblossmgrl (reply)
post date: 04.22.06 (8:47 am)

I loved reading these comments since I last posted. Someone made the good point of how a lot of people think servers make minimum wage ... we DO make minimum wage. SERVER minimum wage. It's $2.15 like you said, I'm lucky to make 15 cents more than that at $2.30/hr. I hated reading about some AH that grabbed "mom's heart." I just got grabbed by the hand for the first time the other day by some middle aged man complimenting my sense of humor and that he liked me a lot. It was very unnerving. I have also been whistled at like a dog. The stuff we put up with ...

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