It's Mother's Day...And You Have A Bad Mother...
We've just celebrated Mother's Day, a time to recognize the nobility of motherhood. But, what does a person do if he has a bad mother?
Edmund is such a person. He is a teenager in our church, and really a good kid. I've baptized him, and often talked with him about the Lord and spiritual matters. He sings in the choir. His mom is a consummate alcoholic and drug abuser. She has a filthy vocabulary. She steals cars and spends lots of time in jail, and in the arms of men who will support her habits. And she does not deserve a son like Edmund. His salvation has been his Aunt, who has raised and loved him since infancy. He will get fighting mad if anyone dares to say something about his mom. But he knows. And in quiet times of special talk, he thanks his Aunt for loving him. He has some hard times ahead, for no doubt he will grow to greatly resent this woman who claims the title of “mom” when all she really did was get knocked up by some fellow drug user.
And, that's a bad mom.
Most people who carry an ongoing resentment toward their parents have encountered nothing like this sad excuse for a mother. Chances are, their parents are basically good people who have made an earnest effort to love their child. Yes, good people who have sometimes done some bad parenting.
Some dads and moms go at this thing without ever having a good role model for themselves. I've told you that my dad was emotionally absent from his family, and died when I was ten. And my step-father never even pretended to be my parent. So I've had to struggle with this thing, and sometimes I would like some appreciation from my kids for at least making a good effort.
Some dads and moms have some real struggles of their own, so no wonder they mess up in the parenting business. Some men do not know the first thing about gentleness and kindness. Others just cannot provide financial ease, or even stability. And lots of good people just make poor choices when it comes to a mate, and so the kids suffer big-time. None of these are “bad” people. And they probably love their kids. They just mess up.
So, I am calling on kids, even middle-aged and above, to give their bumbling parents a break. If you know that he/she truly loves you, and would never intentionally hurt you, then you need to let go of resentment and grant the gift of forgiveness. Maybe the possibility of an idyllic childhood was never realized. But, how about a special friendship with mom or dad? Probably, he/she truly feels sorrow for past behaviour, and is looking for opportunity to start over. And it would be neat if you felt the same way. Thus, there lies ahead for the both of you the possibility for something really good and life-affirming.
I think a parent who really tries, even though he may mess up, deserves our respect. And, our love...and friendship.
