10 Ways I Have Broken The Law
I've been thinking about the fact that sometimes, well most times, I exceed the speed limit when I drive. Some have chided me. And, let's just be honest- I am a lawbreaker. This gets me to thinking about other ways I have broken the law. You are welcome to read the following list, but please make sure that IRS agents and law enforcement officers do not see your monitor. This list will self-destruct in 24 hours, and I will deny its very existence (another sin, I'm afraid). So, here it is....
Ten Ways I Have Broken The Law:
(1) A little lady in my church gave me $25 in cash, as a birthday gift. I did not report it when filing my income taxes. It was an intentional omission.
(2) A couple of months ago I felt I was about to scratch my eyes out because of the malady of Pink Eye. A friend gave me the remainder of her prescription medication. Thus I engaged in the illegal transfer and consumption of drugs. My health improved, but at the expense of the law.
(3) Everyday I take my dogs for a walk around the church, around the factory behaind the church, and sometimes in the busyard where schoolbuses are parked. In doing so, I knowing break several laws. Oreo and Bailey are supposed to be on leashes- they're not. And, I trespass on private property, including school property. I don't care, which shows a blatant lack of respect for the property of others.
(4) Neither my dogs nor my cat have been vaccinated for rabies. Distemper, parvol, and heartworm- yes to all three. But County laws require full vaccination. I ignore this law.
(5) Often I will drive while holding a glass container of soda or tea. I'm pretty sure there is a law against such. But, the selfish quenching of my thirst is of more importance than compliance to the driving ordinance.
(6) I water my tomatoes on even days of the calendar as well as odd days. County water restrictions forbid this. Even though some neighbor may die of dehydration, big and juicy tomatoes are more important to me.
(7) I tossed a couple of old tires, and a used oil filter, into the dumpster. Recycling is required, and I know it.
(8) Yesterday I took a stroll through my mother's neighborhood. I jaywalked several times. I even spat upon the sidewalk.
(9) 23 years ago I borrowed a book from the Pleasant Hill, Missouri, library. I saw it in my bookshelf the other day.
(10) While travelling through Arkansas, on my way to Missouri, I received a speeding ticket. That was before I ever heard of Bill Clinton. That was 27 years ago. I still haven't paid it.
So there- I admit to a life of crime. And after Confession, I am looking forward to finally being able to sleep well at night. And before I go to bed, I think I'll commit crime # 11...I'm going to tear the tag off my mattress. Remember, don't tell anyone.
05.30.06 (8:44 pm) [
edit]
posted by:
cyrix (
reply)
post date:
05.30.06 (6:17 pm)
well, those are just minor crimes i think.. but i swear i've never heard of 'county water restrictions' thingy.. it's ridiculous if you come to think of it. heheh..
posted by:
bjervah (
reply)
post date:
05.30.06 (6:35 pm)
haha, thanks for the laugh, if only all the people who break the law were as honest as you are
posted by:
yellowsubmarine (
reply)
post date:
05.30.06 (6:41 pm)
just goes to show how absurd the law can be =)
posted by:
Bonegnawer (
reply)
post date:
05.30.06 (10:40 pm)
oh thank you, so now as long we do not report thy , we are commiting a felony by helping you ?
PS. dont worry - tags on mattresses can be removed by customer and gifts till 11000$ are tax free.
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
05.31.06 (2:57 am)
If I arrested for the laws I've broken even unknowingly, I know I'd go to jail for a long long time, let alone the ones I've knowingly scoffed. But see, by and large, my crimes, and yours, are little ones.
Was nice to see some big-time crooks get theirs the other day in the Enron verdict. Personally I despise people who use the system to steal even more than people who blatently work outside it's boundries.
posted by:
bawdy (
reply)
post date:
05.31.06 (9:02 am)
You're a bad, bad man! If you can't beat the evil-doers of the world, join 'em. ;-)
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
05.31.06 (9:26 am)
Reply to: cyrix
Here in the metro area where I live, we are in the process of draining our water supply with the explosive population growth. So, when drought times come, we have to try to conserve. I think a good way to conserve would be a moratorium on new construction. But, noooooo. So, my watering of my tomatoes is a personal protest against urban sprawl.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
05.31.06 (9:30 am)
Reply to: bjervah
Thank you. But, you know, honesty after the crime is easier than self-discipline before.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
05.31.06 (9:32 am)
Reply to: yellowsubmarine
Some laws are absurd, almost begging to you ingnore them. The problem comes when I ignore a law I consider to be stupid, and you think it to be quite reasonable. If we had wise lawmakers it would be better. But we have lawmakers more foolish than you and I, or even our pets.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
05.31.06 (9:33 am)
Reply to: LadyG
Baaad to the bone, I'm baaaaaddddd to the bone!
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
05.31.06 (9:34 am)
Reply to: Bonegnawer
So, it is a felony not to report a known criminal? Then I feel special, that all of you would be willing to risk jail because of your loyalty to me. Wait a minute...why is that police car outside my house?...
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
05.31.06 (9:37 am)
Reply to: surrogate
As it appears, these Enron execs knowingly pilferred the retirement accounts of everyday employees. Not just a little, but drained them. Those guys, if truly guilty, deserve some serious jail time. I wish the fleas of a thousand yaks to infest their groins.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
05.31.06 (9:38 am)
Reply to: bawdy
Join them? I've been one of them all along.
posted by:
scubadiva (
reply)
post date:
05.31.06 (10:08 am)
I'm soooo turning you in. (I do the watering of my tomatoes too... I consider myself a farm and it's necessary for my livelihood.)
BTW, did you realize that as part of the new "Sexual Predator" law that goes into effect in GA 7/1/06, that oral/anal sex will be illegal yet again in Georgia? Something that the news hasn't made a mention of....
posted by:
javageek (
reply)
post date:
05.31.06 (10:38 am)
You really should check into those vaccinations for your pets. Good animal stewardship is its own reward :)
posted by:
Misguided (
reply)
post date:
05.31.06 (12:44 pm)
haha..thanks for the laugh i could relate 2 some of those lol...
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
05.31.06 (3:12 pm)
Reply to: scubadiva
I wonder how the authorities are going to enforce this law? Bedroom cams? That is as ridiculous of use of the law as a 45 mph speed limit on an interstate.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
05.31.06 (3:14 pm)
Reply to: javageek
You are so right. I love my pets, and treat them well. They never have contacts with strange animals, and always eat the best of food. I thake them to the vet when needed- but just have not had rabies shots. You're right.
"Animal stewardship" - sounds just a tad like church talk. You're not a Baptist, are you?
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
05.31.06 (3:15 pm)
Reply to: Misguided
You mean you are a jaywalker, and you spit onto the sidewalk? I'll bet you chew tobacco. Am I right?
posted by:
javageek (
reply)
post date:
05.31.06 (3:40 pm)
Well actually I am what is sometimes called a "back-slid" Baptist. I grew up around a lot of animals since my family was in the dog breeding business for a while. Responsibility with the animals we kept in cages was an important aspect of that. When you take something out of the wild you assume responsibility for its well-being. Even dogs and cats count :)
posted by:
scubadiva (
reply)
post date:
06.01.06 (12:51 am)
Reply to: PastorDave
I think that probably females of the state will just start saying "Oh no, I can't do that, it's illegal!"
LOL
posted by:
Misguided (
reply)
post date:
06.01.06 (3:40 am)
Reply to: PastorDave..yes i have 2 say i did spit on the sidewalk...when i was talkin a bug had flew into my mouth and i had 2 spit lol...and yes i jaywalked its not a big deal here where i live so i do it all the time lol...ewwwww no chewing tobacco
