The Accusation: "Patronizing...(insert naughty word)"
A fellow blogger has referred to me as a patronizing bast*rd.
As you might imagine, this is quite offensive to me. I do not think I am patronizing.
Here's the definition of the word compliments of the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary:
“to adopt an air of condescension toward...”
So, I have to consider the meaning of the word “condescend”:
“to assume an air of superiority...”
It is a question we all should ask ourselves, periodically - “Is there a person, or persons, toward whom I consider, and act, superior?”
There are measurable matters of comparison that will reveal the superiority of one person, over the other, in particular areas. I'm smarter, faster, etc. etc. than some, and less intelligent, slower, etc. etc. than others. But such objective measurements surely do not portray the superiority of one person over the other. A guy may be better equipped to play fullback for the Packers, or supervise the lab at a pharceutical company, but neither would necessarily qualify as being any better as a person than the equipment manager or custodian.
Some people do things that lower my respect for them. I have a very low regard for a child abuser, and disdain for someone who is able but refuses to work. And I have the right to consider some aspects of who I am to be superior to these. For instance, I've demonstrated a tendency to give an ongoing and worthwhile effort for my employer. And I treat children with respect, and would never intentionally harm a child. So, in these aspects, I consider myself morally and ethically superior. But... it does not take much to muddy the comparison. What if the person I may consider to be lazy has a mental disorder, or suffers from a yet-to-be diagnosed physical ailment? What if the child molester was himself abused as a child? I am not making excuses, but surely it is worthwhile to try to understand a person before we label him as “inferior”.
I will ask myself, “Am I patronizing toward others with my faith?”
I do consider Christianity to be the superior way to know God. With biblical understanding and personal observation, I believe Jesus Christ to be God's ultimate revelation and chosen avenue for a relationship with Him.
But, as I see it, that belief only becomes patronizing if I seek to propagate my message to others using pretense and dishonesty. And, of course, it has happened. When I was a jewelray salesman for a large chain store, i remember working hard and long to sell a full carat diamond ring to a man who had told me he was a minister. As I showed the ring and extolled its qualities, I also conversed quite a bit about church and spiritual matters. In essence, I won his trust, and in the process made a sale with a handsome commission. Later, he told a fellow employee that he was hurt because it seemed to him that as soon as I made the sale, I quit talking with him and moved on to another customer. And, he was right. I was patronizing him as a person of faith for the purpose of personal gain.
*If I pretend to be your friend only to “sell Jesus” to you, then I am patronizing.
*If I think, because you are not of my faith persuasion then you are not as good as I, then I am patronizing.
*Even if I consider your behavior to be inferior, if I judge you as a person of less worth than myself, then I am patronizing.
I do believe that some, from the start, have a dislike for people of faith. This can stem from many different reasons, some quite understandable. And when such person meets me, being a public representative of my faith, his prejudice can be expressed through such a label as “patronizing” . The intent of such epithets is to cut and hurt.
Go ahead, please, and tell me how I am patronizing. If you make sense, then you may be a big help. Of course, since I'm probably better than you, I won't listen. I'm kidding.
08.29.06 (8:29 pm) [
edit]
posted by:
mexico8pharmacy (
reply)
post date:
08.29.06 (6:27 pm)
From the way I see it people get Patronized everyday, and If your still crying about it, then you need to unlock yourself from the tiny closet your in.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
08.29.06 (6:34 pm)
Reply to: mexico8pharmacy
As I consider it, you have a good point. Anytime we have an agenda with someone, in a sense we are patronizing that person. What I've written has to do more with intentional manipulation for personal gain, in pretense of caring for that person. That seems malicious to me.
posted by:
inkspector (
reply)
post date:
08.29.06 (6:35 pm)
I recall Edith Bunker saying that we are all each other's superior because I know about things that you don't know and you know about things I don't know.
I don't know if that helps or not but I just wanted to get a tbuck for commenting. LOL -- Is that patronizing or what?
Blessings always. ;-)
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
08.29.06 (6:40 pm)
Reply to: inkspector
Once again, your comment is witty and of the highest quality, for no doubt a great person. That's also patronizing, and I wonder if a t-buck will also be coming my way?
posted by:
mexico8pharmacy (
reply)
post date:
08.29.06 (6:41 pm)
I just wanted to add, you can not patronize someone If you try to show them your faith. You are not getting any benefit out of it, it is more like your worried about the other persons benefit. So I guess it would be categorized as advice not patronizing to be more accurate =)
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
08.29.06 (6:48 pm)
Well... let's see, I know you CAN be a bastard, though I mean it in the normal "Man, you're a real bastard!" sense, as oppposed to commenting on your parental pedegree. And you certainly can be patronizing. However, I don't think I'd ever label you a patronizing bastard...
But maybe that's just cuz I like ya. If I didn't?... wellllll?
I mean... only a patronizing bastard would go back in time to predict something that's already happened... and have the audacity to call it... PROPHECY! (But it was clever as hell!)
posted by:
mexico8pharmacy (
reply)
post date:
08.29.06 (6:59 pm)
Misleading information has been attacking the Christian faith for thousands of years! They`ve been trying to debunk our prophecy, debunk our gospel, and debunk our lord and savyor. And its the other people calling us patronizers, that are actually patronizing us for their own personal gain, whether that be money, publicity, or hate. When your a christian, you need to have a BS meter, real Christians can see a lie like "only a patronizing bastard would go back in time to predict something that's already happened... and have the audacity to call it... PROPHECY! (But it was clever as hell!)
" From a mile away. The easily manipulated are the victims.
posted by:
inkspector (
reply)
post date:
08.29.06 (7:01 pm)
Reply to: PastorDave
LOL -- I hope so!!! You so deserve it.
ROFL
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
08.29.06 (10:16 pm)
Reply to: mexico8pharmacy
Oh... gee.. I was kidding Dave about something between us from a little earlier tonight... Sorry.
posted by:
69whisper (
reply)
post date:
08.30.06 (3:13 am)
i agree with ladyG.
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
08.30.06 (4:02 am)
Okay... I feel like I'd better explain the bottom of my origianl comment here before people get mad at me... but first! I love PastorDave, Dave knows this... (Uh, back me up here Dave...)
Yesterday I wrote a post In which Jesus called to chastise me. Then late in the day yesterday PastorDave went back to my post from a couple of days earlier saying (paraphrased) "I prophesy that Jesus will call and chastize you for some of the things you said in this post." It was funny, and meant to be, and I'm just teasing him about it here...
No, PastorDave is NOT a patronizing bastard. He's my friend.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
08.30.06 (4:42 am)
Reply to: surrogate
I'm not denying that, sometimes, I just may deserve the latter word. But, "patronizing", that's worth responding with a defense. And, since I usually have an affinity toward you also, I promise to also use only singular insults.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
08.30.06 (4:50 am)
Reply to: mexico8pharmacy
I can respect a genuine and thoughtful effort to counter what another person believes. And I encourage, here on t-blog, those who disagree with me to enter into discussion. Surrogate has been one of my favorites, and I've learned a good deal through our exchanges. He has a very different viewpoint about matters of faith. Now, if folks like surrogate were to only comment on my blog when they agree, then that would be patronizing. Or, if he were to play nice with me in these comments, but send private e-mails to his friends to ridicule me- that would be patronizing.
By the way, I appreciate your entering these personal comments. I guess I was thinking you were just trying to sell something. You're an honest-to-goodness reall blogger! Welcome aboard!
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
08.30.06 (4:52 am)
Reply to: LadyG
Thanks. I feel the same way. How dare they call me "patronizing".
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
08.30.06 (4:53 am)
Reply to: 69whisper
Thanks. My general reaction, when insulted is to first become angry. Then, later I may consider what is behind the insult. Maybe there is something to learn.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
08.30.06 (4:54 am)
Reply to: surrogate
Very nice of you. But, can't a person be both a friend and a PB?
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
08.30.06 (5:05 am)
Reply to: PastorDave True... And I like your idea... one specific well-chosen insult at a time! lol (I think I'll have to add the ubiquitus "lol" more often in the future.)
posted by:
69whisper (
reply)
post date:
08.30.06 (11:24 am)
Reply to: PastorDave
one always learns. good that you always analyze.
whenever you fall pick up something. but i think that person must no be knowing that he fell thus failing to pick up anything. and i feel sorry for such ppl who stop learning. such behavior is the obvious outcome when the learning process has stopped.they end up having no sense and sensibilty .
posted by:
FinalyFree (
reply)
post date:
08.30.06 (11:48 am)
I think we are all guilty of being judgemental moreso than being patronizing. Seems like everyone is quick to judge someone else, most often without the benefit of proof to back up their opinion. So are we talking about the true act of patronizing or judgement?
posted by:
spook102956 (
reply)
post date:
08.30.06 (4:28 pm)
I always enjoy everything you write and in no way think you are a PB. When someone hurts me by calling me a name or whatever, I just try to pray for them and see what I can learn. I've heard that you can't stay angry at someone if you're praying for them. It always helps me see things in a different light.
posted by:
carelessme (
reply)
post date:
08.30.06 (6:07 pm)
hi, I'm just curious, Are u really a Pastor?
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
08.30.06 (7:37 pm)
Reply to: carelessme
I am. I pastor a small church in the Atlanta area. But I don't try to be a pastor here with t-blog. This is an outlet to have some fun, interact with some folks that I would never meet in church (no insult intended- actually a compliment!), and develop some thoughts that can be useful later on. But, yeah, I'm a pastor.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
08.30.06 (7:40 pm)
Reply to: babe4jesus55
Kind words and good advice. I don't know about the prayer guidance, though. I'm pretty angry with my daughter right now, even though I pray for her. This specific matter will just take time.
Sometimes, criticism has a kernel of truth to it. I'm trying to find that truth.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
08.30.06 (7:44 pm)
Reply to: FinalyFree
I'm developing a practical definition of "patronizing", and it does involve the passing of an unfair judgment upon another person. To patronize someone, I believe, is to pretend to be concerned or interested or respecful of a person for a hidden and selfish agenda. It is to manipulate a person with feigned kindness. It seems to me, in order to treat a person thusly, you'd most likely consider yourself superior to him. And that is passing judgment, wrongly.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
08.30.06 (7:45 pm)
Reply to: 69whisper
You're right. When the other person gets to the point of namecalling, then you have won the debate.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
08.30.06 (7:47 pm)
Reply to: truthserum41
I don't think Jesus ever deserved such epithets. But, sometimes, I behave rather unkindly and thus deserve the names that may come my way. Not always, hopefully not usually, but sometimes. I'm seeking to determine if I deserve this name. I don't think so.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
08.30.06 (7:51 pm)
Reply to: godsmack
I do that sometimes when an interesting exchange is taking place on someone's blog. To me, a good flow of insights from several commenters makes for a great blogging experience. It's what I like most about t-blog. I'm not so much interested in journaling, although I accept it is a legitimate form of blogging. I like so much better the give and take of an interesting blog- an idea, thrown out there and expounded with at least a modicum of sense, and then thoughtfully considered by fellow readers. As long as such can take place, I'll continue to hang around here. And, I'm glad you've come along.
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
08.30.06 (7:55 pm)
Reply to: PastorDave
Just a perfect definition Dave. Well done... really good job... excellent... I've very proud of you for coming up with that definition... No one else could have done it so well... define "patronizing" I mean... just super duper.
Oops, I almost forgot... lol... There.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
08.30.06 (8:13 pm)
Reply to: surrogate
Thank you for the patronizing reply. Even knowing what is happening, I'll gladly take such compliments if they're the only kind I can get.
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
08.30.06 (8:35 pm)
Reply to: surrogate See Dave... I knew YOU'D get it!
-It actually is a good definition, by the way.
posted by:
zoiepsxw xeuirm (
reply)
post date:
03.05.07 (3:58 pm)
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posted by:
exippinssed (
reply)
post date:
11.06.07 (7:20 pm)
Where I can find good quality films?
Can anyone help me?
