Bizarro Mom & Dad, Part II
It was time to go out to eat, and I quickly volunteered to drive. I know the driving habits of my folks, and so I always volunteer to drive. Nothing against them; I just want to live.
A couple of years ago, Mom and her then-husband Len decided to take a drive. One thing lead to another, and the adventuresome couple ended up out on the mountain on a barren stretch of road, far from home. It was the middle of the night as a police officer pulled them over. Or, maybe they were steaming up the windows beneath a shade tree- I wouldn't put it past them. Len related the rest of the story to me. The officer gave the confused driver directions how to get home. He then said something like, "You know, elderly folks like yourselves really shouldn't be out this late at night." My mom, who had been quietly listening up until this point, quickly quipped, "You know, a young man like yourself really should kiss my a--." Len told me the officer's face turned beet-red. He promptly walked back to his car and drove away.
I was thinking about this as we pulled into the local store to get some batteries. John insisted upon buying the batteries, but he couldn't seem to open his wallet. Finally he flung the wallet at me, and said, "Get some money out for the batteries." I opened the billfold to find he must have had at least a dozen hundred dollar bills. It is scary to think he walks around with such a load of cash. I thought about giving some advice, but stopped before the words came out. I'm pretty sure John likel y carries something else to give him confidence in deterring would-be thieves. My mom likes to hide money all around the house, and she probably has a cache in her purse similar to that of her husband. I thought about the measly little $20 bill in my wallet.
We went to the restaurant. John paid for the meal, and I did not protest. The meal was pretty good, even with the occasional belch from my new father-in-law. My mom's familiar habit is to gather all the extra sugar packs, and put them into her purse. She went a little extra this time. She grabbed a porkchop, wrapped it in a napkin, and put it in her purse. I was hoping no one was watching. Today I told a couple of friends about mom's peculiar habits, and it seems their moms do similar things. Maybe I should start taking extra food home in my pockets.
When it was time for me to go, John presented me with a gift. It was a big, heavy, cement fire hydrant. The thing must have weighed fifty pounds. I was thinking, "What do I do with something like that?" But I graciously accepted it, and dragged it out to my car. I'd rather have it than one of his prized commodes, described in the previous post. It now sits in my den, since I cannot bring myself to throw it away. I'll post a picture, so you can admire this work of art. I will probably figure out a way to make it into a lamp or coffee table.
So, God bless John and Virginia, parents of a proud (and even a little jealous) PastorDave. I'm hoping to one day be young like them.
