The Mystery Of Friendship
I see much mystery in what makes a human relationship to be good.
Take my oldest daughter, for instance. Her senior year in High School she started dating a guy that I view as a quality person. He is thoughtful and considerate, smart, and has a good sense of humor. He reminds me alot of myself. Heck, if I were female and twenty years of age, I'd date him. So, she has decided she is not interested in him. He's best friend, but not dating material, she says. So this guy waits patiently on the sideline, while she plays the field. Presently she is connected with a guy who has just returned from a stint in Afghanistan. He doesn't seem to be interested in church, or college, or anything much but my daughter. He's not my type, but I try not to let her know, lest it would encourage the relationship. Oh, and we have a young man at church who has a lot of interest in her. He's a good looking kid, has a great plan for life, and I like him. My daughter? No interest.
Mr John is 72 years of age. He's retired from the military, and so much about him seems to ring with confidence and success. He's the outdoors type, what would be labeled "a tough guy". For some reason he has taken a liking to me. He had been out of church for a long time, disillusioned with churches and church people. But in some mysterious way, we have really connected. I've been to his home many times. We've been fishing, camping, and out to eat. He has shared with me some very personal matters of triumph and disappointment. And he calls me on the phone regularly. He values very much my presence and my thoughts. I enjoy my friendship with John very much. But I tell my wife it feels a bit strange. John has children my age. He has experienced and accomplished in life so much, and he knows lots of people. I'm honored he would connect so well with me, but it is a mystery.
Tomorrow evening I'll be shooting pool with Trey. It's a way for me to get to know the guy outside of the church setting. He's searching, and somehow he has come my way. This guy is 22 years of age, less than half my age. He has a lifestyle and life-outlook quite different from me. Yet this young man has been telling family and friends how excited he is to get together with me tomorrow night. And I'll enjoy it. He's a friendly guy. And he comes from almost no church background. I'm probably the only pastor he's every conversed with at any length. I find it stimulating and puzzling that we have connected in friendship.
More and more, I'm coming to see human connection as a great spice of life. The greater the difference between the two, the more fun the relationship. Viva la difference!
12.13.06 (10:13 pm) [
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posted by:
seochris (
reply)
post date:
12.13.06 (8:28 pm)
Oh my dear pastor truly u can be friends with different people!
I understand ur dilema regarding ur daughter. Give some time and if the guy is the one for her then no one can stop this relationship else it wud fall flat in months time.
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
12.14.06 (5:16 am)
I love being around older folks. As a younger person, I didn't enjoy it at all, but as i've gotten older and realized that I have more experience in life on which to draw information and as such, have come to realize I know next to nothing, I've come to value folks who've been around the block a few zillion more times than I have.
There's a certain type of wisdom that only living a good long while can provide, I think, and I really get a kick out of listening to the stories of those I encounter who've managed to do so. What's interesting and fun to me is the stark difference in the ways life wears on people over the years. Some folks are sanded smoother by time while others, by virtue of the parts of them that have been broken off by their living have made their personalities harsher, more jagged and sharper - the difference between the Rockies and the Appalachians - both beautiful, but for reasons that we might see as completely opposite from each other.
Remember to sink that eight ball in the first game, ya hustler.
posted by:
doeeyed (
reply)
post date:
12.14.06 (6:53 am)
The more I read about your daughter the more she reminds me of mine. My "A" was engaged to a very nice young man who had it on the ball! He was so very much in love with her but, he didn't pose a challenge, so she broke it off with him. Our whole family was heart broken, everyone was, except her??
Friendship is much like love, there's no accounting for your taste in friendships. That's not to say that someone different from ourselves means our choice is distasteful, it's just different.
My very best friend couldn't be any different than me but yet, there's nobody else I'd rather spend time with (other than my kiddos and husband) She's there for me and I'm there for her and even though she's moved hundreds of miles away, it hasn't changed how close we are..the logistics are the only thing that changed.
Go figure? It's just one more beautiful mystery of life I suppose :)
posted by:
ggirl (
reply)
post date:
12.14.06 (6:55 am)
I saw your blog title and had to check it out. I remember several years ago reading an article about the mystery of friendship. Scientists can't figure out why friendships develop or why they continue.
In this case, maybe the reason these guys connect with you is that they see the reflection of God's love in your face and your actions. What a wonderful thing!
Sooner or later, your daughter will find someone who reminds her in some way of her Dad. Every woman I know is married to someone who shares some characteristics with their Dad. You're right, it's probably wise that you not make your preferences known, though.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
12.14.06 (7:08 pm)
Reply to: seochris
At this point in her life I hope she is far from even considering a lifelong commitment to anyone. Just enjoy life, finish college and start a career, hang out with good people- then, somewhere far down the line she can start getting serious with someone. Hopefully, not the guy she is currently dating.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
12.14.06 (7:11 pm)
Reply to: surrogate
Great analogy. I think I'm an Appalachian kind of guy. Yourself?
I like older folks. Maybe that's why I seem to end up pastoring churches full of them. It's certainly not the prescription for success in the ministry- i.e. a big church and big salary and recognition from your convention. But I enjoy older folks, and they seem to like me even if they don't always understand.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
12.14.06 (7:13 pm)
Reply to: doeeyed
A woman likes a good chase, doesn't she? I do think that's a big part of my daughter's problem with this first guy. He truly loves her, and is an extremely nice guy. And, what do they say about "nice guys"?
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
12.14.06 (7:15 pm)
Reply to: ggirl
That gives me hope! Both my daughters are currently dating guys who, as far as I can tell, are nothing like me. Absolutely nothing. I pray (and I do truly pray) they will find someone else.
And, thanks for the kind words.
posted by:
69whisper (
reply)
post date:
12.14.06 (10:07 pm)
truly so, at prime youth one is thrilled about the life, you need excitement, sensation, adventure, experiment and a kick and a buzz about life as the youngsters put it now. If the guy reminds you of your ownself, probably he is not the right choice for your daughter :) for NOW. She may realize this later in life that he was a better choice.
I have few comparatively elderly friends and a few younger ones and i like to be around them sometimes. for me its learning. I love to share their experiences. It keeps me in touch with past as well as the future. Dont you think ?
posted by:
doeeyed (
reply)
post date:
12.15.06 (6:24 am)
Reply to: PastorDave
I wouldn't say all women like a chase. At this point in my life and if I were single, a chase is the last thing I would want. I think it's something that most of outgrow. I hope that both our daughters figure out that that is NOT what they really want or need in a mate.
posted by:
bawdy (
reply)
post date:
12.15.06 (10:51 am)
I reckon people like you because you're a man of character and integrity and pretty down to earth.
Nice guys often do seem to finish last. Women only seem to search them out after they're straddled with two or three kids courtesy of the bad boys. It's a generalization, but it happens often.
