A Conversation With My Son About God

THE SETTING 

Last night I had a circuitous and momentous conversation with my son.  He is 17, and life is coming at him fast.  We interacted about God, church and faith.  I came away with a greater respect for him, and understanding of the very important spiritual journey upon which he has now fully embarked. 

Here are parts of the conversation:

Dad:  I’ve learned from our church workers, that you have lots of hard questions and differing opinions about God.  Now I’d like to know, truly know, if your questions are sincere, or just a way to irritate your teachers?
Son:  He became serious, and quiet.  Not defensive.  Yes, they’re sincere.
Dad:  Of all the people you know, I’m probably the most qualified to discuss these matters with you.  I have a seminary degree.  I’ve pastored, and worked with people for many years.  If these matters are so very important to you, why didn’t you come to me?
Son:  I was afraid to tell you.  I was afraid you would get mad.

He opened up, and I listened.  I had no idea his mind and heart were so deeply in search of such things: 

MY SON TALKS ABOUT GOD

“Lately I’ve been wondering if there is a God.  Last night was the first time I had prayed in a long time.  But in the middle of praying, I just stopped, and it seemed nobody was listening.  Do you ever feel that way, like you are just talking to air when you are praying?”

“I don’t read the Bible much.  That book has been around for a long time, and I think it contains errors.  It’s been translated, and re-translated.  Especially the King James Version, I don’t like it."

“I look at Christian people around me, and study them, and I really do not see much difference in their lives."

"You, dad?  The only thing I see that is different is that you love people.  You try real hard to love other people."

I TALK WITH MY SON 

"I think this is a good time in your life."

"I’d like for you to behave respectfully toward those who are adults who may not understand, or even appreciate, where you now are at in your spiritual journey.  These folks are not theologians, or deeply knowledgeable people.  They’re just normal folks trying to do a very difficult thing- work with teenagers.  Cut them some slack, please.  If you know your questions are going to upset them, and not be appreciated, then please hold off on asking those questions.  There are other people who can deal with them."

"I do believe there comes a time when you have to figure out your faith for yourself.  When you are a kid, you are basically imitating the faith of your parents.  But you are growing up.  You have to think about God and how you want to live out your relationship with Him.  You have to work through these things and come to your own understanding.  It takes time."

"One of the saddest things in life is an unexamined life (to paraphrase Socrates).  There are a lot of people, over there in the church and really all around, who have never even asked the questions you are now asking.  That’s sad, because they have never really come to the deep connection with God that you are headed toward."


AFTERWARDS 

I was surprised, and actually quite honoured, that he would be so thoughtful and honest about matters of faith.  To be honest, I did not know he was willing to dig this deeply into his heart and into the heart of God.  Some probably think my boy to be a heretic just to say and think such things.  I think he is bright to honestly wrestle with such universal questions.  I think he is moving in a very positive direction with faith and God, the most important matters of life, and I’m proud of him.
02.07.07 (10:57 am)   [edit]


posted by: LadyG (reply)
post date: 02.07.07 (8:41 am)

I think it is great that he is asking questions now when you are here to help him with the right answers. I think that a lot more christians go through a period of doubt and never really seek the answers. I am glad that he see you for the loving man that you are PD.


posted by: fairmoon (reply)
post date: 02.07.07 (8:47 am)

I've always believed, and was taught to believe at church, that questioning potential deepens ones relationship to God. Following blindly when something doesn't feel right doesn't to anyone any good. It down plays the importance of God and lessens ones relationship with God.

This is of course coming from a heretic so who am I to speak on your sons behalf?

FM


posted by: searcheng (reply)
post date: 02.07.07 (9:08 am)

so Christians are different just not perfect, right? and because they aren't perfect, they still mess up (sin, I guess you'd say?) it's how they act/react after they mess up that makes the difference? guess faith is not just going on your feelings. more later


posted by: bawdy (reply)
post date: 02.07.07 (10:45 am)

Whoa! I think all I thought about at 17 was girls.


posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 02.07.07 (1:47 pm)

Reply to: LadyG
Good point. The questions are coming at the right time, and he is willing to converse. I notice he is eager for time with me, although always it seems at my initiative. I'd best take advantage of this moment in his life.



posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 02.07.07 (1:49 pm)

Reply to: bawdy
Yep. I think you were typical, although the same questions were probably percolating just below the surface of your life. Teens are a riddle. They can be quite deep at times, and yet oh so shallow at other times, and often a simultaneous mixture of the two. I hope I survive this, and most importantly I hope he survives this time.


posted by: FinalyFree (reply)
post date: 02.07.07 (1:49 pm)

I think it's great that he's asking questions. At his age I had many of the same questions but I'd been conditioned NOT to question things like that. According to my elders it was blasphemy and just plain rude. When both of my children came to me with questions I became nervous and tried to reassure them as best I could. Luckily we've been blessed recently with a wonderful Pastor who relates especially well with young people. I told him about some of my son's questions about religion and he said he'd be glad to talk to him, he also told me to be glad he's asking, that means he's thinking. I never made my kids feel bad for having doubts and tried to show them that our relationship with God and religion in general is a walk of faith. I think you did great with your son. I'm sure he'll remember this conversation for the rest of his life, particularly when one of his children come to him with the same questions :)


posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 02.07.07 (1:51 pm)

Reply to: fairmoon
Heretic? The choice of words is yours, not mine!

I do not believe in an unexamined faith. Not wise. Not honoring of God.



posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date: 02.07.07 (3:49 pm)

It must be irritating to the teachers, but it's pretty normal, I'd guess.


posted by: Barbara (reply)
post date: 02.07.07 (5:41 pm)

Sounds like you have a teacher in the making :)


posted by: almsthvn (reply)
post date: 02.07.07 (6:07 pm)

Awesome. Good on ya for being open-eared for him.

I believe Preacher's Kids have a particularly hard time growing up in the Fish Bowl, especially when those watching have Bibles in their hands and seem willing to beat you with them... yeah, I'm a PK too :)

It is tough. Some things you don't WANT to talk about with your parents - but where to turn? Your preacher? :P Sometimes I'd have a youth leader or Sunday School teacher that I felt safe talking to and by that I meant I could bring up that I had questions. Seems most kids are allowed to ask questions but for a PK to do it seems to "reflect poorly" on their parent... which totally denies the teen to be a "normal" teen, and so on.

So don't be too offended if he explores talking with other people, and good for you for being supportive of his inquiring mind.

*hug*


posted by: fairmoon (reply)
post date: 02.08.07 (8:01 am)

Reply to: PastorDave
I'm confused. but thats normal. I thought you said some might call your son a heretic cuz he had questions. I refered to myself as one because i also had questions at his age, and ended up leaving the church, apparently for just a while though. So you're word or mine? i'm confused. not a big deal though.

I pray that your son finds the answers he needs.

I like what alms said, makes a lot of sense.

FM


posted by: guerillafunk (reply)
post date: 02.08.07 (10:08 am)

Good job.


posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 02.08.07 (3:25 pm)

Reply to: bawdy
Oh, he does his fair share of thinking about that subject, also. A young lady, who is "simply a friend", just got him an $80 valentine gift. So he is debating with how to handle that matter. Teens have a lot on their minds, including God.



posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 02.08.07 (3:27 pm)

Reply to: searcheng
It seems you have made a very fair assessment. I also believe one can be a Christian even as he/she conducts an honest search to know God better. And that is the current place where my son is at.



posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 02.08.07 (3:30 pm)

Reply to: FinalyFree
You think so? He walked away as if the conversation/interaction was no big deal. And he has not said anything about it since. I was told by his teacher that everything was now fine between she and B. Apparently my son had a wonderful attitude and good participation in the last youth group meeting. He's an enigma, for sure, but I am blessed that he is in my family.



posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 02.08.07 (3:31 pm)

Reply to: Barbara
Teacher? Maybe so. I do want him to have a healthy relationship with God, growing in his faith and his service.

Do I know you?


posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 02.08.07 (3:32 pm)

Reply to: guerillafunk
Thanks. You seem a bit like my son, reaching out for understanding and not settling for simple answers.



posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 02.08.07 (3:37 pm)

Reply to: surrogate
Should be normal. part of being a teenager is to stretch the boundaries. Authority, doctrine, etc. I think anyone who works with teens should be prepared for such. But it seems, when it comes to matters of church and religion, we quickly set aside such common sense and tend to expect more. And, yes, teens can be irritating. But, there are rewards which make it very worthwhile.

I think you would be very good working with teenagers. A few of them would even appreciate you.



posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 02.08.07 (3:41 pm)

Reply to: almsthvn
I appreciate your sypathetic perspective. You're right. When my kids are perceived as misbehaving, it seems to be doubly frowned upon. Not always. These folks were amazing all through my daughter's pregnancy. And I do believe if I cut them some slack, they will come through for me with my son also.

We do have some people who work with our teens at church who are pretty cool. I think they relate quite well, and so my son has others who are available if he chooses to open up with them.

That's very important, to have someone who will listen and try to understand, without judgment. We all need it.


posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 02.08.07 (3:42 pm)

Reply to: fairmoon
I don't know. It's my confusion, I think. I'm glad you are back, considering the church and the message of Christ.


posted by: fairmoon (reply)
post date: 02.08.07 (3:50 pm)

Reply to: PastorDave
hhhmmmm... ya know i got this icky feeling in my stomach when i read those words. I have to be honest with you that though i'm attending church the whole 'message of Christ' as i think you mean it, has nothing to do with it.

I can't explain that. As i wrote in my post, you're just going to have to trust me that I have my reasons and they are good ones.

I do hope that given time i will beable to share it with you, but i can't. Sorry i don't mean to be weird or anything,

oh, i'm just babbling now, talk with you later.
FM


posted by: FinalyFree (reply)
post date: 02.08.07 (4:49 pm)

Reply to: PastorDave
Oh I absolutely think so. As alms pointed out, he's in a difficult position--where my son had the good fortune to have a Pastor he trust and relates well to talk to, your son looks to you as 'Dad' before 'Pastor' thus making the dynamics of the situation all together different. In the same vein he's doubly blessed to have a Father and a Pastor he feels comfortable enough to talk about delicate topics.



posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 02.08.07 (6:45 pm)

Reply to: fairmoon
So you get an "icky feeling in your stomach" when I imply that it is a good thing for you to be connecting with the church and the message of Christ? I'll have to say this: if you find a group of people who meet together and participate in what they call a "Christian church", and what they are about is centered on anything other than the person and message of Christ, then that gathering of people is not a church- at least not a Christian church. I guess you can cut out Christ from what a group is about, and still call it a "church", but in reality it is a sham, even a mockery. Warmth, love, service, self awareness- all are good pursuits and noble endeavors- but you simply have some kind of fellowship/social club if these matters are not connected to Christ. The person of Christ, lordship of Christ, worship of Him, service in his name and for his sake, striving together to know more about him and be more like him- these are absolutes of a church.

Let me ask, and think about it a while before you explode, but is it possible the "icky feeling" you get within is evidence of a spiritual battle taking place in your life? I can see no way for there to be a compatibility between pantheism/nature worship & demand Christ makes of singular Lordship of our lives. Somewhere along the way, if you are earnest in your pursuits, you will have to choose one or the other.



posted by: laydeepulse (reply)
post date: 02.09.07 (11:01 pm)

i think it is awesome that you would listen, im having a really hard time talking with my dad about anything. im also 17, and trying to find myself in this crazy place we live in.....read my new blog.


posted by: Barbara (reply)
post date: 02.10.07 (2:57 pm)

yes


posted by: guerillafunk (reply)
post date: 02.13.07 (8:19 am)

Reply to: PastorDave

A simple answer is never enough for a complicated person.

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