My Son Wants To Be A Marine
Well, the chickens do come home to roost.
My son, my precious and mysterious son of almost 18 years, informed me the other afternoon that he could not go with me to grab a hamburger because he had an “important meeting” with someone at the mall. I was curious for a moment, but then decided it was most likely a job interview, or perhaps a counselling session with one of his peers concerning his equally mysterious relationships with girls. And so I was shocked, and I use the word with due consideration, when he asked if my wife and I would go with him to meet with the Marine Recruiter.
Now here is where it becomes a very complicated and personal issue for me. I am conservative religiously and politically. When I see a young man in the uniform, I shake his hand and tell him I am both proud and supportive of his service to our country. My wife’s father was a career man of the Navy. He loved his country and served with valour during World War II. His ship was sunk in warfare, and family informed of his death. But he survived. And my brother served in Viet Nam, although by conscript through the draft. He had the duty to disarm landmines. I’m sure the task was by order, also. Many of the men and women of my church, whom I highly admire, served with distinction in various branches of the armed services.
Me? I graduated from High School in 1975. My family had little interest in politics, although mom irritated me with a stock photo of George Wallace in the family album. And it is still there. My conscience awakened to the social turmoil in America through reading the newspapers of the school library, and watching Walter Cronkite on the nightly television news. It was sobering and negative: Body counts; disingenuous so-called peace accords; campus protests galore; and, of course, the likes of John Kerry telling the world what bastards were our military. At ages 14-18, I would have been unable to put my impressions into distinct words, but an understanding of the situation was settled into my mind. This war would not be won. The enemy was fierce and would not play by the rules. The political opponents in America were ruthless and tireless. And smart. They portrayed this war with all of its ugliness right there upon the television screens in our living rooms. Moms, grand-moms, and little kids could see soldiers blown apart. The strategy worked brilliantly. Those with ideological agendas which would never, ever allow them to support any war at anytime used the media to lose this war, not on the battlefields of Southeast Asia, but in the tired hearts and minds of hometown Americans. And I was one of those. I did not know a lot. But I knew I had no interest in going to Viet Nam to fight in an impossible-to-win war, protracted with a deadly and half-hearted effort, only perhaps to come home to be scorned and spat upon.
Fortunate for me, I did not have to burn my draft card or move to Canada. Or, more realistically, acquiesce to a service that I would hate. Perhaps I would have become a gun ho hero. Perhaps I would have died in an ambush. More likely I would have survived the tour of duty, and lived with the scars and ambivalence of many that I now admire. Instead Nixon was elected. The war ended. The draft was discontinued. And, I went to College.
So now my son has announced his desire to serve in the Marines. He has talked about it throughout his adolescence. I’ve pushed it away as just the idealized dreamings of a kid. But his dreams have not gone away. He wants us to meet with the Recruiter.
I was upset. I told him in no uncertain terms, “No”. I spoke directly, and severely, not to a kid but to an adult.
For several years, we have extracted and received from him a repeated promise to pursue a College education. A purpose of this has been to temper his desire for military service. I have not been anti- military with this strategy. My thinking was that a 22-year-old College graduate could make a wiser decision concerning military service than an 18-year-old. Now, several weeks later, I still believe that ideal. I asked him about that commitment, which I considered to be his binding word. He believed the Marines would help him to secure his education. And then, in rapid-fire manner, I spewed out some hard-felt opinions. This recruiter is a salesman. He is not interested in your well-being. You are not his son; you are part of a quota for the month. This war is headed for disaster. There is not a will of the American people, and certainly of our representatives in Washington, to claim a military victory. There are just enough soldiers deployed, and just enough support back home, to make a mess and kill our brave men and women. Likely a Democrat will be our next president, and then all Hell will break loose in our world and especially for our military. Given that scenario, I told him, I am not willing to sacrifice my son. I pray for him. I love him. I continue to sacrifice, much, for him. And he is not worth this cause.
My son was quite upset. His appearance crestfallen, and tears in his eyes, he went to his room and slammed the door. And so did I. My son will turn 18 in a few months, and I have little doubt he will then sign upon the dotted line. I love him dearly. He is no longer a kid, and almost a man. And I have to handle this like a man, also. I want to be a person of integrity concerning my family, faith, and country.
Matters have moved somewhat to a conclusion. Love. Prayer. Communication. Time. Such are important ingredients to such vital matters of life. I’ll share more in the next post.
06.02.07 (12:13 pm) [
edit]
posted by:
inkspector (
reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (9:42 am)
Although this is your son's desire, maybe a compromise of attending a two year college and gain a skill then enter the Marines. By this time, he may have a clearer picture of the reality and does he really want to be a part of it. With a skill, he could still get Marine training but be put into another capacity besides an active soldier. Then when he gets out, use the education promise to up an Associates degree to a BA or BS and beyond. Just an idea, he may think differently when he is 20 and has a 2 year degree under his belt. Good luck!
posted by:
ropoy (
reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (10:36 am)
I can visualize how hard it is to be a father. Don't worry the Lord is going to look into it. God Bless!
posted by:
ammegan (
reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (10:48 am)
This is tough...God will lead you as you lead your son.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (10:53 am)
Reply to: inkspector
Makes sense. He marked upon his application that he most desires education as a benefit from the Marines, which to me illustrates how misinformed he is about military service. It would not be easy to take College classes while on active duty. It can be done, but would require lots of discipline. I did ask the recruiter, when we met, why the Marines could not wait until my son finished College? I'll share his answer, a bad answer in my opinion, with the next post.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (10:54 am)
Reply to: ropoy
Great confidence, my friend. Free will and the hand of God, they work together in mysterious ways.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (10:55 am)
Reply to: ammegan
My goodness, but you folk are more confident than myself. Thanks.
posted by:
(
reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (11:56 am)
Oh dear PD, I feel your angst completely!
I'm sure you, your wife and your son have discussed this, a lot! Your son knows your feelings, and this is very difficult. My heart goes out to all of you. It does no good to alienate our loved ones and cause more pain; sometimes it is good to step back. You have made your point; your son knows how much he is loved and respected.
This is what I do if faced with a situation beyond my control. If you knew me, you’d know how difficult this is to admit, as I do not give up easily. I let go of the problem and let God take care of it!
Breathe deeply, pray a lot, and know that you have turned it over to God.
I wish you and yours all the best, and I’ll keep you in prayer!
posted by:
(
reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (11:58 am)
Reply to: ~ oops, this is auntconi
~ again, lots of prayers!
posted by:
auntconi (
reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (11:59 am)
~ perhaps you'd better pray that i can remember how to post here .. i do need your help *giggle*!
posted by:
bawdy (
reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (12:14 pm)
You've been such a staunch supporter of this war, so why are you drawing the line here? Is it only a just cause if it's other parents' kids doing the fighting?
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (12:58 pm)
Reply to: bawdy
Yours is a fair statement. It is the main reason I chose to post about this subject. I owe it to myself and those who know what I believe and where I stand to explore this matter. Next post!
posted by:
bawdy (
reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (1:00 pm)
I commend you about being forthright about it.
posted by:
lenfanterrible (
reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (1:18 pm)
This is a post to remember. I wish you the best for your son.
posted by:
scubadiva (
reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (1:22 pm)
I thought we were all supposed to be buying lottery tickets to pay for his 'free' education? If he lived in Alabama, then it might be a different story but we have "Hope".
And where is my TV????
posted by: eraserhead667 (reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (1:25 pm)
"Those with ideological agendas which would never, ever allow them to support any war at anytime used the media to lose this war"
"Likely a Democrat will be our next president, and then all Hell will break loose in our world and especially for our military."
I'm going to do the nice thing and try to forget these inane and illogical comments and wish you and your son well. I think you are doing the right thing in trying to help him make better decisions. Good luck.
posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (1:49 pm)
I agree that a 22 year old with more education would be able to make the decision more thoughtfully. At least he'd have a little more experience behind him, but why do you think they're paying people so damn much money to join up so young? -with promises of even greater finantial gain if they re-up later?
At least the death benfit has been raised from 12,000 just a few years ago to half a million today. It helps keep the whining down from families who've lost loved ones - which is all it was about, even though ten times that wouldn't be enough for me to give up my son for such an idiotic and mischaracterized cause. The great American bribe lives on. You must be happy they don't even allow us to see the coffins coming home from this war, let alone up close and personal fighting shots... out of sight, and it's all just statistical... and God forbid we count the Iraqi dead - after all, they're not people anyway.
God this pisses me off. Don't you let him do this. Please talk him out of it. Coast Guard maybe? Navy? Hell, buy him a gun and take him hunting.
I sat in a coffee shop a few months ago one booth over from two recruiters and their boss - I don't know what his rank was - and you are exactly RIGHT. They are NOTHING but salesman, complete with monthly bonuses and lies. I listened to the boss dude going over "techniques" to push the undecided over the line. And this line, delived almost exactly the same way, I heard at least five times during the half hour or so: "You can promise them any especially they ask for. It's not your fault if things change later for reasons beyond your control." In other words, lie, but feel good about it.
posted by: inkspector (reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (2:29 pm)
Reply to: surrogate
I am glad you eavesdropped. That is good information to know.
posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (2:31 pm)
Reply to: inkspector
Wasn't even really evesdropping... they talked right out loud.
posted by: ruined (reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (3:06 pm)
Wow... what a thing to be faced with. How can you show support for your son's wellbeing without making it look like you don't support his dreams? It's a bad situation to be in and wish you and your son the best through it. Keep us posted.
posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (6:42 pm)
Reply to: auntconi
You are right. Once how I feel has been stated clearly, then respect for my son requires that I step back and give him some room to make his own decision. Not easy. I'm not good at it.
posted by: LadyG (reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (6:44 pm)
Very tough Pd, I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I don't think the Democrats will do any worse then the Republicans.
posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (6:45 pm)
Reply to: lenfanterrible
Thank you. Our relationship most certainly will survive this matter of difference, and continue to be strong. Conflict with a teenager? I know, I know, he does not need me to be his buddy or even his friend. But, his dad. I don't have to be cool. I think he needs to know without a doubt that I believe in him, and I do. Not necessarily do I agree with the decisions and actions of his life. But my son is an amazing person. I support him. So if he is clear that I love him, and believes I am a person of integrity, then our relationship is o.k.
Kids. Where's the manual?
posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (6:52 pm)
Reply to: scubadiva
You are aware, I guess, that our Republican friends who now control both houses and the governorship of our state, have changed the rules for qualification for the Hope Scholarship? They've upped the grade point average required to obtain tuition assistance. And they have done away with the possibility to repeat a class and use the new and better grade as part of the Hope requirements. Why? I'm of the opinion their kids are privileged in comparison to the average student of our state, and especially in comparison with children of minority groups. Their kids go to the best schools. Their kids have access to tutoring. Their kids have been trained to aim for College from grade school. Therefore, their kids of course will generally make the better grades, and therefore receive the bulk of the tuition assistance. Who will suffer? Poor kids. Kids who try just as hard or harder, but make average grades. I guess that's alright, because blacks and hispanics and poor folks do not generally vote for them, anyhow. And to think I helped to elect these people!
Boy, I'm in a foul mood. Need to go to bed, I guess!
posted by: auntconi (reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (6:53 pm)
oops, sorry about that ~ the Kids Manual is being updated and is at the printers. ((hugs))
posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (6:55 pm)
Reply to: eraserhead667
I think these comments make perfect sense. But they are not at the heart of this particular post, and I appreciate not veering off into those directions at this time.
posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (6:57 pm)
Reply to: surrogate
It's interesting how you and I come from very different directions to meet at the same juncture. In my next blog I want to share in more detail what happened when the recruiter came to the house. Let's just say he would make a fine fundamentalist door-to-door evangelist.
posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (6:59 pm)
Reply to: surrogate
I am sorry, but the conversation you overheard makes me very angry. If I were listening, albeit with evesdroppings, most likely I would have had some choice words to say to them. Being covert and dishonest with kids so you can ship them off to war, and perhaps win a trip to Hawaii in the process, is despicable. Did I spell that correctly?
posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (7:01 pm)
Reply to: ruined
Little kids are alot more fun. Believe that, and cherish it. They turn into these strange creatures called teenagers, who morph into young adults. And if I can hang on long enough, I think they finally become fun again.
posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (7:01 pm)
Reply to: auntconi
$1000 per copy? I'll buy one.
posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (7:04 pm)
Reply to: LadyG
We have political leaders who are amoral. What motivates them is power. And greed. The Democrats and Republicans are alike, I am afraid. Tonight I have been reading the Old Testament book of Joel, in preparation for teaching tomorrow. It is all about national corruption and resulting judgment. It's pretty sobering. I see lots of application for today.
posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date:
06.02.07 (7:12 pm)
Reply to: PastorDave
They seemed pretty open about their practices... I'd like to know exactly how the pay and bonus thing works... I heard the boss guy telling one of them that he was behind in his "quota" (not the word he used, but I can't remember what it was) hence the "pep talk" - exactly the same sort of thing I've overheard at Monday morning sales meetings at the dealerships I work for since I was a kid. There, when encouraging the sales folks to sell more Chevys or Dodges or whatever, it's never bothered me in the least. In this context however? - yeah, despicable stikes me as the right word, whether we've spelled it correctly or not.
posted by: SupremeAnna (reply)
post date:
06.03.07 (5:23 am)
It must be hard being a parent. I see the struggle my own parents go through - emotional, physical and financial - and I can't help but wonder if I'll be able to live up to a fifth of their legacy. I don't know what it's like to someone's parent, but as someone's child, I can say this - sometimes, I think my parents are wrong, and argue and fight with them, only to realize, a few days or even a few years along the way that I was the wrong one. And I kick myself for not listening to them. Of course, I can't go back in time and change my actions, but I'm always glad my parents spoke up and that we had the chance to fight, because those memories come back to me the next time I'm faced with a hard decision and I think to myself, "Okay, wait, last time you ignored mom and dad. And they were right, maybe this time..." I guess that's what all parents hope for their kids, huh?
posted by: auntconi (reply)
post date:
06.03.07 (1:59 pm)
Reply to: PastorDave
~ I think the "Kids Manual" is always undergoing changes and upgrades and never seems to be available, for any price.
And now I just read the comments you made to scubadiva and 'Hope'; apparently I missed that one the last time around. Sort of explains some things to me. I do wish you and yours all the best!
posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date:
06.04.07 (7:11 am)
Reply to: eraserhead667
Funny, I almost quoted those exact same passages, but I let it go. Yes, those are truly inane comments, but it's what Dave's been taught and has adopted as his own feelings, and there's no talking about such things and making any headway. Alas.
posted by: Cuz (reply)
post date:
06.04.07 (8:19 am)
Reply to: PastorDave
"They become fun again."
REALLY? Please tell me when...I'm still waiting.
posted by: ggirl (reply)
post date:
06.06.07 (12:42 pm)
Some of us are (and always have been) pacifists for religious reasons. I would never question your commitment to your faith. I don't think you should imply that the commitment to peace in Vietnam or anywhere else is inherently dishonorable. Pastor Dave, religious freedom in this country is one of our basic rights (and probably not one you agree with, I guess), I reserve the right to practice my religion as I see fit.
I hope your son doesn't go to Iraq. No matter how much I may disagree with you on religious or political issues, I fear for your son's safety there. Take care.
posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date:
06.07.07 (7:13 am)
Reply to: ggirl
Hold on, now! You think I do not support the right to religious freedom? You've heard of Roger Williams, I guess. English theologian. Founder of the city of Providence, R.I. Great advocate of the separation of church and state. And, he established the first Baptist church in the American colonies. I am proud to be a Christian identified with his tradition. True separation of church and state is a cornerstone of what makes America great. It is not a disassociation of faith and religion from the political spectrum. It is that the state does not advocate nor support any particular religion.
The right to be a religious pacificist? Of course you have that right. I admire a true pacifist. I would think that would mean one would be opposed to violence in all forms, for all reasons. I think some of the Hollywood pacifists are laughable, with their armed bodyguards and support of violent regimes in our world. Does one have a deep respect and value for human life, so much that he/she could never take knowne action to directly or indirectly bring the death of another? That's admirable. Most likely Jesus was such a pacifist with his personal life. I do not think such is a consistent Biblical teaching that must be followed by the Christian of today. It's a matter of interpretation. And I don't think it makes for good national or international policy. Remember, separation of church and state? Personally, I believe in self defense. I do not own a gun. And the only way I could envision ever killing another person would be to protect the very life of myself or another. Not just safety, but imminent life. And I believe in a strong national defense. Otherwise, the likes of the jihadist Muslims would quickly and mercilessly dispose of us. Their life outlook does not give room for pacifism, nor the teaching from the Sermon on the Mount to turn the other cheek.
And, I think a true pacifist- remember, I do not include those who feign to be pacifists for any less noble reason- still has a duty to serve his country and contribute to his nation's safety. There are all kinds of roles of national service that do not involve combat. To refuse to be a servant- now that is troublesome to me.
I've never served in the military. Do not own a weapon, other than a golf club. I haven't been in a fight in 40 years. I move out of the way of the agressive driver, and wave at those who give me the middle finger. But I'm not a pacifist in the true sense of the word.
posted by: wpaedavram (reply)
post date:
06.23.07 (11:17 pm)
Hello! Good Site! Thanks you! jdiflyocnb
posted by: Betty (reply)
post date:
07.29.07 (10:25 pm)
My son went into the Marines 1 month before his 18th birthday last yr. July 17th 2007 he`s just getting home after everything from basic to classes. My son was accepted in numerous colleges, got a few scholorships, and was a role model son!! A week before he came home he informs me how "we" changed, and how he could leave town and never talk to his family again, for no apparent reason!!!! Then he comes home and goes out with a 21 yr old "tramp" who we knew for yrs, who gave up 2 kids, had numerous abortions, drank since she was 12,and is on coke!!! Someone who he wouldn`t even look at twice before he left for the "Marines"!!! 2 days ago he moved out of my house without even a word and moved in with her and her mom> He`s been partying every night, don`t sleep all night, gets up early and acts crazy!! So don`t tell me how the Marines are so great, I lost my son just as much as if they sent him to war!!! He has a 17 yr old brother and 3 older sisters, 1 who him and his girlfriend beat up 2 nights ago!!! Now I`m going through hell not understanding what happened to him in that 1 yr, and missing him sooo much!!
