Interview With PastorDave of t-Blog Ministries Inc. - Part I
SETTING:
He has an elaborate ministries headquarters in Palm Springs, complete with a lobby ceiling covered with 217 hand-painted cherubs and a swimming pool in the shape of a cross. “A ministry deduction- for baptizing converts,” quickly quips the Pastor. He has a similar headquarters in Boca Raton, Florida, with extensive oceanfront property. When asked why this property is necessary, he replies, “It’s all about prayer. You, the good people of America and the world, send me your prayer requests- along with checks, wedding rings, and food stamps- and I spend time praying for you along the same ocean that Jesus walked. It’s not about the mansion, but the Master; not the property, but the prayers.”
However, this interview like most others takes place at his Atlanta headquarters, a modest home adjacent to the little church he has pastored for several years. “Why here,” we ask? With a sigh, he replies with outstretched arms, “I’m a man of the people!” As the arm is lifted, a $25,000 Rolex slides down the wrist.
During the interview, quite noticeable outside the window is a work crew busily replacing the church sign. The modest old sign is being discarded, and in its place is a bright, neon , flashing “PastorDave Church, Inc.”, lettering of 6-foot dimensions. Several times, the Pastor flashes a broad smile as he gazes toward the window.
A WORD OF CONCERN FROM PASTORDAVE AS THE INTERVIEW IS TO COMMENCE:
“I do not like this. Senator Grassley and his Committee are persecuting me. However, I’ll humbly bear this cross. It’s my church I worry about. And, the little people. I’m not surprised. The Bible says we will be thrown to lions, and sawn asunder…”
INTERVIEWER: PastorDave, please, let us get on with this. Perhaps you should unbutton your collar? Your face is getting red.
PASTOR: Another thing- I don’t like you. You’re out to get me-
INTERVIEWER: Now, now, Pastor. Grab that rubber Jesus on your desk, and squeeze a bit. Yes, like that. Feel better? Here we go…
________________________
INTERVIEWER: PastorDave, I understand you have a private hairdresser and had a recent face-lift?
PASTORDAVE: I’m on television, you know. I have to look the part. Besides, there are no ugly faces in God’s kingdom.
INTERVIEWER: What kind of car do you drive?
PASTORDAVE: You can see it out there by the church sign. 2005 Chevy Aveo. Manual transmission. I even have to roll-up my own windows!
INTERVIEWER: But, Dave, isn’t it true this car simply sits in the driveway, and is only driven by your yardman, Willie?
PASTORDAVE: So?
INTERVIEWER: And, isn’t it true that your ministry purchases and makes available for you a 2007 Lexus SC sports car with a retractable top, valued at $83000? Your wife drives a Mercedes-Benz S55 AMG sedan. Your three children have matching Jaguars with leather trim and dual exhausts.
PASTORDAVE: So. (PastorDave appears agitated. Then reflective. Then angelic.) I don’t think God intends for His children to live in an apartment and drive a Volkswagon. I’m setting an example for my followers of how God blesses. Besides, I have a Board Of Directors. They prayerfully consider and approved every ministry expense.
INTERVIEWER: Yes, tell me about this Board Of Directors.
PASTORDAVE: Totally independent.
INTERVIEWER: Of whom does it consist?
PASTORDAVE: Persons of the highest integrity. They watch over the flock.
INTERVIEWER: It’s entirely handpicked. It consists of yourself, your wife, all three of your children- all paid workers- as well as six of your closest blogging friends.
PASTORDAVE: So.
INTERVIEWER: In preparation, I asked Board Chairman and fellow blogging-minister Kurt Maddox about the lavish spending tendencies of the ministry, and with a sheepish smile he replied, “We do a lot of back scratching around here.”
PASTORDAVE: I am not amused.
(INTERVIEW WILL CONCLUDE TOMORROW)
11.12.07 (10:32 am) [
edit]
posted by:
squirrelzone (
reply)
post date:
11.12.07 (7:57 am)
Tell me Pastor Dave, How can I be selected as a board member? Do I need to cut a check, er I mean donation?
posted by:
LadyG (
reply)
post date:
11.12.07 (9:35 am)
LOL PD, can I join the family?
posted by:
bawdy (
reply)
post date:
11.12.07 (10:56 am)
Very entertaining. I'm now considering starting my own ministry.
posted by:
heavyarms (
reply)
post date:
11.12.07 (11:49 am)
I don't get it.
posted by:
emerging (
reply)
post date:
11.12.07 (12:07 pm)
I, too, feel completely qualified to be a member of your board of directors. I've wholeheartedly embraced the notion that the King of Kings should be represented by nothing less than the grandeur to which the name implies. I'm even willing to undergo an extreme makeover - all for His glory, of course. I believe God has called me to Lasik, liposuction, certain augmentations, and of course a tummy tuck. Aesthetics must be important, or He wouldn've have imparted such wisdom to plastic surgeons.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
11.12.07 (2:03 pm)
Reply to: squirrelzone
I appreciate your interest, but the current Board is doing a great job. The ministry, and especially my portfolio, is in fine financial condition. Stop by sometime, and I'll give you a tour of the place.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
11.12.07 (2:04 pm)
Reply to: LadyG
We need a tutor for the kids. Pays minimum wage, but you do get to socialize with me.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
11.12.07 (2:07 pm)
Reply to: bawdy
If you truly are considering your own ministry, then I advise you to first order my PastorDave Bible. It's my own version. Highlighted and in bold print are all the "faith finance promises". And, I've felt lead to exclude all that negative stuff about taking up your cross, and selling all that you have. It probably wasn't in the original language, anyhow.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
11.12.07 (2:10 pm)
Reply to: heavyarms
Senator Chuck Grassley has sent an official letter to 6 prominent ministers, asking for an accounting of their finances and expenditures. The implication is that they are taking money from the public and using it on lavish lifestyles, instead of ministry. This could mean a lot of trouble for myself and my five other magachurch pastors. We're just humble ministers of the gospel. My blogs are an attempt to offer a defense.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
11.12.07 (2:11 pm)
Reply to: bawdy
Oh. The Bible is $99.95. Plus shipping. Forego a few meals, or don't pay a bill- just consider it an investment in the kingdom.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
11.12.07 (2:16 pm)
Reply to: emerging
I like the way you think! It's all about humility. You are obviously willing to humble yourself, so the Lord can lift you up. And if His people choose to do that with money otherwise spent on children and food, then who are we to argue?
I think you are ready for my Purse Of Faith. It's a burlap bag. I'll send it to you, C.O.D. $29.95. You fast for a week, and place within the bag what you would normally spend on food. Send that to me (cash, please). It'll support my ministry. And, you will be blessed.
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
11.12.07 (10:54 pm)
This is getting interesting. I'm waiting for the tearful admission once you're found out. Of course this will only lead to a gradual rehabilitation that will end up making you richer still and, therefore, even more reprehensible. Now for the sex scandal. What was the name of that nubile young concierge of yours?
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
11.13.07 (5:27 pm)
Reply to: surrogate
Found out? You mean, when I am entrapped by the legions of Evil. Then I will simply repent, and of course all good persons absolutely must forgive and restore. And I'll have a great story to tell and sell. There is lots of money in Ministry Restoration. As a matter of fact, I specialize in guiding fellow pastors through the experience. 20% commission on all proceeds.
posted by:
ggirl (
reply)
post date:
11.15.07 (5:49 am)
During the early days of outlaw border radio (right across the border from Texas in Mexico), some of their preachers sold autographed pictures of Jesus. Why don't you have any? I need one of those.
