Away From Her - Thoughts About The Movie, Alzheimer's, And Unconditional Love
Away From Her is a disturbing, and I think brilliant movie about the challenges of Alzheimer’s. More appropriate for this column, it presents to us the complications and beauty of true love.
Fiona and Grant have a wonderful marriage of 44 years. They are retired, living at an idyllic lake house. Both begin to notice her memory lapses. She dries the skillet but places it in the freezer. She takes a walk and cannot remember the way home. Matters sadly digress. An examination by a physician confirms the sad diagnosis.
Thus Fiona chooses to move to a care facility so as not to be a burden to her family. There in the Nursing Home the Alzheimer’s slowly, but surely overtakes her life. She forgets that Grant is her husband and comes to view him more as an inconvenient visitor. She fixates upon a male patient in the facility, choosing to become his caretaker and friend. “He needs me”, she tells Grant. Grant visits the nursing home everyday, to the astonishment of the nurses and even his wife. Often he sits and watches as she tends to her new friend. There are flashbacks when Fiona remembers matters from the past. Such are the moments her husband cherishes the most. Sadly, they are few.
The film ends with Grant doing a remarkably selfless act for his wife. I will not spoil it by giving you the details- you absolutely must rent the video! In the midst of his great act of sacrifice, the haze clears for a moment, and she remembers. She reaches out to hug her husband- something she has not done for many months. As they embrace, she speaks of her fear that he will cease to love her. Simply, he replies, “It’ll never happen.”
When we marry, we think we know what love is about. In reality, we are just beginning to know. Add to the relationship the complications that come with time and life, and you understand a little more. When the other person can no longer serve you, or perhaps even love you in return, then you get to the heart of the matter. Love is not about being served. It is not even about being loved. To love is to give.
No wonder the Bible says, “God is love.”
