The Fantasy Of, One Day, Simply Disappearing
So, just what do they have to be angry about? Dad died in a canoing accident in 2002, his body never recovered from the sea. Mom and sons grieved. Mom collected on the life insurance policy, and moved to Panama to start a new life. Now, amidst allegations of fraud, Dad walked into a police station in London to proclaim, “I think I am a missing person”.
Life Insurance companies are probably quite adept at spotting and investigating fraud. They would have to be. A key would be to follow the money trail, necessarily attached to the surviving benefactors. This guy and his wife apparently were not very smart. They cheerily agreed to have their photo taken with a real estate agent, which was placed upon the internet, and inevitably ended up on the computer screen of a fraud investigator. Perhaps the sons are not only angry with the callous rouse of their parents, but also with how incredibly dumb they have proven to be. The only thing worse than a crook is a dumb crook.
Do you ever fantasize about one day simply walking out the door and disappearing? You have a fight with the spouse/kids/parents; you come to strongly dislike your job and long for a major life change. Or, in my fantasy, I’m accused of a hideous crime of which I am absolutely innocent, yet facing sure incarceration. Where would I go?
It is a favorite theme of movies. Castaway. The Majestic. The Fugitive. Terms Of Endearment Guy. Shawshank Redemption.
Of course, would have to change my appearance. Mustache. Contacts. Hair coloring.
Would this be a good look? 
I’m healthy and fairly fit. I am confident I could find a new line of work. Fake ID would be easy enough to obtain.
I’m thinking Alaska. I’ve heard that in Alaska nobody asks where you are from, because there are a lot of folk running away from something. Perhaps a job processing salmon, or working the oil rigs. Or, I wonder just how thoroughly the resume and references would be checked for a guy willing to pastor FBC of Nome?
And there is another part of the world that offers a siren call to this wayward stranger. Kiribati. Since reading The Sex Lives Of Cannibals, I’ve thought it to be a fascinating place. The author of said book lived there for a couple of years, lost his health and sanity. But I think I could do better. I could buy a hut on an offshore island and live a subsistence lifestyle. After all, what does it take to make a go of life on a South Sea Island? Actually, it would not be an entirely lonely life. There would be neighbors, and they are no longer cannibals. According to my internet studies, the native people do wear clothes, and somewhere within boating distance surely there would be a dentist. And a McDonalds.
This post will self-destruct in fifteen minutes. But, if someday you read an obituary for PastorDave, or hear that I have escaped while on the way to prison, simply smile. Take a flight to Tarawa by way of New Zealand. Rent a canoe and paddle to the fourth island 40 degrees west of the setting sun. Avoid the jagged rocks and jellyfish. I will be glad to see you. Bring your own toilet paper.
12.06.07 (10:42 pm) [
edit]
posted by:
FinalyFree (
reply)
post date:
12.06.07 (8:06 pm)
If I were actually going to do it (yes on many occasions I've been tempted to just get in the car and drive, lol) it would have to be somewhere tropical. I don't care how un-noticed I might be in Alaska I could just never take the cold.
Nice post :)
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
12.06.07 (8:42 pm)
Surely such is a temptation we all have in common, and more than once. I thoroughly enjoyed the Robert Duvall movie The Apostle, in which he whacks his wife's lover, then moves to Louisiana to start a new church under an alias. My wife is not fooling around, but there are a few people I sometimes- for but a fleeting and sinful moment- would like to kindly hit with a ballbat. Such would not be nice. Moving to Kiribati would be better.
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
12.06.07 (10:21 pm)
Wait a minute? No Internet? But... But...
I think I'd want a satellite dish. Ya know, so I could watch survivor from a dessert island.
posted by:
fractalmom (
reply)
post date:
12.07.07 (11:38 am)
i often think about selling everything and moving to a small hardly inhabited island somewhere in the Caribbean or south pacific. as long as there is a bank and a telephone, dave's pension would follow us. then i realize i cannot do that. damn.
posted by:
bawdy (
reply)
post date:
12.07.07 (1:07 pm)
I bet a lot of people would pay you if only you'd go away!
posted by:
Barnabus1 (
reply)
post date:
12.07.07 (2:30 pm)
I always thought brazil! all the comforts at half the price! might be too warm for me, but could grow any fruit you wanted, and live on fruit!! maybe plant a garden! hehe
posted by:
emerging (
reply)
post date:
12.09.07 (9:38 pm)
Reply to: Barnabus1
I've heard that a diet of only fruit can be hard on the digestive tract!
posted by:
emerging (
reply)
post date:
12.09.07 (9:42 pm)
I suppose if you looked like Hulk Hogan in his prime, you wouldn't really feel too bad about running around naked - unless you went the easy route and took steroids (I've heard the side effects can be almost as brutal for men as an Alaskan winter, as far as shrinkage is concerned).
posted by:
ggirl (
reply)
post date:
12.10.07 (11:58 am)
I think everyone secretly, at one time or another, wishes they could walk away and start over. That's why there are so many movies and books about it. One thing I know for certain, wherever you go, you take yourself with you. You bring your old ways of relating to people, of dealing (or not dealing with problems), etc. I've decided to just deal with myself here.
For me, American food would be a must. Clothing for the natives would be a requirement, too.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
12.10.07 (4:23 pm)
Reply to: ggirl
Wherever you go, you take yourself with you? I hate that. One time, long ago, I had a church in Hawaii expressing some interest in me as pastor. It never developed very far. But, I would have gone. At that time of my life, I was far more inclined toward such an adventure. However, my desire is to one day retire from the pastorate with a pension from my 403b plan. Then, I want to move somewhere far away where I am needed, and do whatever ministry is needed. That would be nice. Perhaps, Kiribati?
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
12.10.07 (4:25 pm)
Reply to: emerging
I'm not sure what to say.... church folk just may read these blogs! At least they know that, indeed, I DO look like Hulk Hogan in his prime. Except more hair.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
12.10.07 (4:27 pm)
Reply to: Barnabus1
Brazil? Interesting. After the Civil War, thousands of Confederates moved to Brazil and established communities. I could move into one of their establishments. Of course, as I understand, they are inbred and imbecilic and deeply impoverished. Sounds like my kind of place.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
12.10.07 (4:28 pm)
Reply to: bawdy
Shall we take a collection for that purpose?
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
12.10.07 (4:29 pm)
Reply to: fractalmom
Raise those kids, and then you can make the move. You guys are about my age. Let's make a pact. In 15 years, we all move to Fiji. They have phones and banks, and lots of beautiful beaches.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
12.10.07 (4:31 pm)
Reply to: surrogate
Pacific Islanders probably watch CSI and Oprah. Actually, I remember reading of a guy who just chucked it all and moved to some remote isle far, far away. He opened up a movie theatre, and it was a success, since most had never seen a movie before. You could do that.
posted by:
emerging (
reply)
post date:
12.10.07 (7:02 pm)
Reply to: surrogate
Which kind of dessert? Cheesecake perhaps?
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
12.10.07 (7:11 pm)
"At least they know that, indeed, I DO look like Hulk Hogan in his prime. Except more hair."
Well, you DO have more hair... Something I resent.
posted by:
emerging (
reply)
post date:
12.10.07 (7:19 pm)
Reply to: PastorDave
Oops....sorry! With my twisted sense of humour, I have a tendency to take things a little too far sometimes. I caught a little of Joel Osteen's broadcast, though, and his message convinced me that I should embrace the person God has created in me :) Perhaps I should've listened a little longer in case he added something in there about allowing the Holy Spirit to work in me to smooth the rough edges?
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
12.11.07 (10:20 am)
Reply to: PastorDave
I'd serve really good popcorn... My first film? Castaway, of course.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
12.11.07 (1:20 pm)
Reply to: emerging
I want to say a couple of things to you about this particular reply. Lots of what I have to write within this blogging community is of the surface variety, likely good to forget soon after reading. However, I want you to hang onto this reply- at least give it some consideration: The "rough edges" of your personality, including your sense of humor as portrayed around here, are due no apology to anyone. You are a lot of fun. You make this place a good diversion, a little "coffee shop" where we can all sit around and talk and sometimes even open up our hearts and minds. I sure don't want Joel Olsteen or a bunch of prim-and-proper church folk to ruin that. For too long I've stifled my personality for the sake of safety. Of course, there are settings where we must behave ourselves. But, not here. I think we should always make an effort to be kind- and you are very good at such. Still, if I can presume to speak for most of us around here, and I've been doing this long enough that I've the privilege of such presumption, we want you to stay witty and acidic and surprising with your honesty and candor. We will enjoy it.
