Late Night Movie Reviews
Ghost
Sometime in the near future, this movie must surely set a record for number of times shown on cable television. I remember long, long ago sitting in a motel room and crying as Sam said "Ditto" and floated up to heaven. My wife almost caught me, but I was able in the nick of time to flip the sheet over my head. Of course, this time I had no worry, since she was 250 miles away and sound asleep, leaving me to blather in front of a TV at 2:00 in the morning. It's a good flick. I like to see the little demons crawl from the sewers to grab the recently deceased bad guys. I think Whoopi is awfully funny. If you get a chance, see this flick. Heck, of course you will get a chance- it is likely showing on multiple channels at this very moment.
Halloween IV: The Return Of Michael Myers
I did not know this one even existed. And now I know why- it is bad, very bad, even at 3:30 in the morning. I remember the first Halloween movie. It was so scary, and I'm not even referring to Jamie Lee Curtis' face. I guess a good presentation and scary theme can only be milked for so long. The Mummy sequals became digressively worse. Same with Abbott & Costello, and Rocky. Same with the Clintons.
Back-To-Back episodes of Walker, Texas Ranger
It comes on at 9 in the morning, a sufficient companion for breakfast when no one else is around, when you've been isolated on an island far, far from your mate. The quality of the show is portended by the fact that Chuck Norris performs the theme song. He plays a Texas Ranger who kicks the snot out of the bad guys. To paraphrase some president, somewhere: Never before in the history of mankind has so little talent within so bad of a show continued for so long to make so much money for so bad of an actor. Oops- even as I write, I'm reminded of the need to remove the Mike Huckabee sticker from my wife's car.
River Of No Return, Robert Mitchum and Marilyn Monroe
This came on in the middle of the day, so I got me a bowl of ice cream and watched it for a while. These guys managed to float down a raging river upon a raft and fall in love. I cannot remember a lot about the movie, except that Mitchum seemed a bit stiff, and I guess that was the accepted persona of the heroes of the old cowboy flicks. And Marilyn Monroe? Toward the end, just before being swept into the arms of Mitchum and carried back to the ranch, she performed a sad ballad. As I remember she was dressed in a saloon-girl outfit and the camera panned up and down, and very closely. And as I said, I only faintly remember. As I was eating my butter pecan, and thinking about all the rivers to be crossed on the trip back home, I was thinking of how Marilyn Monroe couldn't hold a candle to my sweet wife.
The Jerk: Steve Martin
I saw this one, about 40 years ago. It was funny back then. Now that I am much older, and more mature, and my wife is not around to be a civilizing influence, it's still funny. There's nothing particularly subtle about the film, which I think was the first for Steve Martin. I'm sure his family films are considered touching and heart-warming by many, and equally sure they have made Martin a ton of money. But he is not particularly gifted as a serious actor. Like Robin Williams and Eddie Murphy, he is a comic, and that's where he shines in performance. I'm ready for Jerk II, and would gladly sit in a motel room and watch it on late-night television.
Timecop: Jean Claude Van Damme
It is supposed to be a peek into the future. Can you believe how hideous looking is the supposed car of the future? It makes my Chevy Vega look absolutely wonderful. I think Van Damme is the prototype for Arnold Swarzeneggar. He cannot act, but I do like him. And he has a knot on his forehead. I kid you not- just "google" an image and check it out. It is big, probably the result of a kick in the head at a karate meet somewhere in the past. I watched the entire movie. The bad guy was a crooked Republican politician trying to cheat his way to the top- surprise! More than once he knocked Jean Claude in the head, with no results other than an ugly knot. After the movie, I went to the mirror to check out my own forehead. No knot. And if I had a knot, and if my wife were present, I wondered if she would even notice.
Later, I went to the movie theatre to see Rambo and Cloverfield. Since I'm running a bit long, I will tell you about those movies later. (Hint: Save your money on the latter).
