I Am Mom
My teenage daughter thinks that surely I am the most stupid person upon this earth, even surpassing the legendary dimwit status of her dad.
Her list of my imperfections is huge. I...
*...have no discernment of personality, repeatedly misjudging the quality of her friends
*...am an expert at hindering the pursuit of a good time
*...have the irritating insistence of forcing my morals and religion down her throat
*...repeatedly compel her to hang out with our boring family
As soon as she is able, she will move from this hell-hole. This has been her promise several times. And should she ever dare to have children, they will be raised with a higher degree of wisdom which will include much greater degrees of freedom and fun. Add to these character deficits the inarguable facts that I am boring, old-fashioned, un-cool, and severely lacking in mental facilities. I go by the name of Mom, most often anything but a term of endearment.
I simply sigh, and trudge on, without fanfare. It was not so long ago that I was remarkably like her- brash, opinionated, mouthy, and very sure that I could do a better job. My mom never wore the latest of fashion, and always drove an old car. And she and dad were hopelessly embarrassing.
My daughter, I love you, but sometimes I just do not like you. I think this may be the one thing we have in common at this stage of life. And I am determined to make it through this challenge. You are a great teen, as much as there could possible exist such a creature. And one day you will be a fine woman. Then we will be friends. But, alas, right now my job involves a more important task than to be your pal.
I wish you could work with me as we travel down this untested road. I’ve been there, and I know how tough and dangerous and unpredictable it can be. Remember, but a few years ago, I was You.
*Your latest stinging assault of words hit the heart more than I pretended.
*It bothers me more than you think that I cannot, or will not, enable you to keep up with the material appearances of your more progressive and popular friends/peers.
*I would treasure a simple and sincere conversation, over a cup of coffee or a coke.
This is a tough job and you are not aware of how uncomfortable I find myself. For many reasons you are a great challenge. Perhaps genetics and surely environment converge to make you my particular parenting enigma. Even more so, I have my own issues. Life has not always treated me so gently. And I would surely like to be a more perfect Mom. It is not happening, but I continue to try.
Here I am. I’m Mom. I know that sometimes I disappoint you. I understand it quite well. But here is the most important thing- something you can always count upon, and you have heard it ten thousand times.
When you bumped your toe and skinned your knee…
When you awakened from a bad dream to crawl into my bed…
When you simply found yourself crying for no apparent reason…
When your first boyfriend no longer seemed to care…
When it seemed no one else understood, or cared…
I’m your Mom.
I love you.
05.08.08 (11:25 am) [
edit]
posted by:
mimi (
reply)
post date:
05.08.08 (11:10 am)
what an awesome job of putting your observations and feelings to paper...and doing it for yourself and millions of us out there that are not quite so able to put our own thoughts down...but i can assure you, i have had all of those feelings and now that my daughter is grown and we are friends and she allows me to love her openly and honestly, it is worth the extra effort, so keep up the great work, mom...your reward is just over the horizon : ) happy mother's day, mrs. pastordave! LOL! xoxox
posted by:
bawdy (
reply)
post date:
05.08.08 (11:58 am)
I'm sure it can be a thankless job, only to be appreciated years later when they have children of their own.
posted by:
barnabus1 (
reply)
post date:
05.08.08 (1:02 pm)
I hope you're still around when she realizes the myrid kindness's, and helps you have given her, and she will when she's got kids and finds so called freedom worsens things! Then she can look back with wisdom and understanding!!!
posted by:
Robin (
reply)
post date:
05.08.08 (1:06 pm)
Thanks for this tribute to your wife so that your children can see it.
Awesome.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
05.08.08 (3:03 pm)
Reply to: mimi
It is a great hope to believe that teenage daughters do grow up to one day be your friend. Until then, the task of Mom can be a difficult job. How very much my two girls need their mother. And she is amazing with her patience, love, and selflessness. I hope they remember, one day, to say thanks to her at least a million times. Mother's Day would be a good time to start.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
05.08.08 (3:05 pm)
Reply to: bawdy
My daughter, Skylar's mom, truly thought her parents to be crazy. Now I watch her with her two-year-old, and listen to her plans for her child. She speaks seriously of instilling discipline, church, and respect. Without knowing it, she has come to eat her words rather quickly! And I thoroughly enjoy it.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
05.08.08 (3:05 pm)
Reply to: barnabus1
There is no shortcut to wisdom!
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
05.08.08 (3:06 pm)
Reply to: Robin
Thank you! There are lots of great Moms out there. Happy Mother's Day to all.
posted by:
fractalmom (
reply)
post date:
05.08.08 (4:13 pm)
yep. that pretty much sums it up alrighty!! :)
posted by:
kgurl1166 (
reply)
post date:
05.08.08 (5:41 pm)
this is soo true.. when i was younger i use to feel the same way your daughter does.. but as i get older i realized what they did for my sisters and i ... and how tough it was for them and now i appreciate them... it comes with time..hang in there
posted by:
mimi (
reply)
post date:
05.08.08 (6:18 pm)
Reply to: PastorDave
april hated me at first...took till she was gone and a bit but then she came back and came to realize and now she is my moonbeam....it will happen! xoxox
posted by:
PooPotPie (
reply)
post date:
05.08.08 (6:39 pm)
As I read this post I remembered that this was the way I felt about my mom through my teenage years. I even remember my mother telling me that she loved me but didn't like me. I followed this post and found myself remembering how difficult those years had been for me and my mother.
I just wanted to say that after it is all said and done. I look back at those memories realizing that my mother was only doing what was best for me and that she was protecting me not only from myself but others. Now I can't say that my mom is my friend but she did do an awesome job at raising me. It may have taken med getting hurt many time to learn but she never gave up. I hope that oneday I will be as good a mother as she was. She still teaches me things to this day and I love her for being my mom and not my friend.
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
05.09.08 (3:24 am)
very nice. And universally true, I'd guess.
posted by:
Barbara (
reply)
post date:
05.09.08 (10:35 am)
Who ARE you talking about? Surely, not K or K? I can't figure this one out. But if it had been true, it'd been right on.
posted by:
MeAgain (
reply)
post date:
05.09.08 (11:19 am)
Now if you had substituted son for daughter, you would have described me and eldest son a few years ago before he went away to college. If he hadn't gone to college when he did, one of us would have surely killed the other. But they and we do grow up and learn when to fight (only when we know we can win;) And I was a daughter who thought little of my mother (and daddy) as a teenager but now I think they are the best parents to walk the face of the earth. I'm getting to spend one whole week with my mom, one on one, just by ourselves at the beach next week. What a gift! Now when I was a teenager, to have to go on vacation with my parents was like punishment. What a difference time makes in our relationships.
posted by:
auntconi (
reply)
post date:
05.09.08 (7:00 pm)
"Happy Mother's Day"
to Mothers all over the world!
((hugs))
posted by:
spook102956 (
reply)
post date:
05.09.08 (9:43 pm)
This spoke volumes to me. I have two daughters. Each so very different from the other. I love them both but my 16 yr old is much the harder teenager and it's not just the age difference, just different personalities. My 21 yr old dau just has never given me fits like her sister. But my "little one" makes life interesting and I love both my girls. This blog also made me think of my mom whom I think of every day. She's been deceased 16 yrs but she's still very much in my life. I feel her presence and remember her wisdom. On her deathbed I told her she had been the best mother anyone could ask for. She replied, "We had a whingding (meaning great time), didn't we? Yes, we did indeed have a whingding!!
posted by:
userfriendly (
reply)
post date:
05.10.08 (3:11 pm)
wish mine could write something like that... truthfully anyway.
posted by:
lorischuster (
reply)
post date:
05.11.08 (10:48 am)
what a truly wonderful (and accurate) post. I remember the day the lightbulb went off in my head. It was after I asked for her car keys in violation of curfew. Her response--"No."
Thrown for a loop, I stood there while she went upstairs. Enter revelation..."WHY DO I CARE IF SHE LIKES ME???" Wow. How freeing. So, I marched upstairs, "Megan, I don't really care if you like me." and then I tackled her and took the car keys. Now she is 22 and we are friends. It is something you live through and try to survive. Great job PD. thanks for your insight.
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
05.11.08 (5:13 pm)
Reply to: lorischuster
Somehow, I can't picture you tacking anyone. Even your daughter.
posted by:
lorischuster (
reply)
post date:
05.11.08 (6:34 pm)
Reply to: surrogate
In fact, I have tackled her twice, then and on the front lawn of a church...in front of her friend. I went home with leaves stuck in my hair. It was great.
Mom's need to be full of surprises.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
05.26.08 (7:05 am)
Reply to: lorischuster
I'm sorry I let this amazing comment slide for so long. You tackled her, on the front lawn of the church? I so very much would love to have witnessed the collision. I'm thinking there comes that time, in every relationship between teenager and parent, when such a tackle is necessary. One day I actually had to forbid my daughter from coming to church. It's a long story, but I made the proper decision. She defied me, in front of her friends. I literally picked up the teenage girl and toted her back to the house. This was in front of many people, who stood with mouths agape. Nobody said a word to me about it.
So, congrats on the tackle.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
05.26.08 (7:06 am)
Reply to: userfriendly
Perhaps, you and mom should have a conversation about things?
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
05.26.08 (7:07 am)
Reply to: spook102956
Whingding! That is a priceless, great description. I'm sure the memory of those words will comfort you for the rest of life. What a great mom.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
05.26.08 (7:09 am)
Reply to: Barbara
The mom, for whom I write in this post, is no one in particular but a composite of most moms in my day and culture. Now, there have been rough times with all my kids. Surely any honest parent could say the same?
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
05.26.08 (7:12 am)
Reply to: PooPotPie
Mom, but not friend? I'll have to consider this for a bit... Here's my thinking- As a dependent/parent connection, there is little room for endearing friendship. However, I think the friendship among equals relationship has room to develop and be a healthy way to relate. Of course, I think there should always be the cultural deference toward the parent. But, and especially I see this among mothers and daughters, there can develop an intimacy and bond where the two indeed are best friends.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
05.26.08 (7:14 am)
Reply to: kgurl1166
Here's what I want to do- bottle up your attitude, and give all three of my kids a big dose of it. I'm impressed, and I'm sure your parents are most blessed to have you as a daughter.
posted by:
kgurl1166 (
reply)
post date:
05.26.08 (10:14 am)
Reply to: PastorDave
believe it our not this is a new attitude for me.. i was just like your kids but the older you get and the more life throws lemons at you .. your attitude changes and you become aware of what is good for you and what you thought was good for you... i constantly get a reality check from my friends .. and that helps me stay in tune w/ whats good for me and what i think is good for me..and i am thankful i have good friends
