Useful Advice For The Bride
On our wedding day, my bride was quite nervous. Can you blame her? Look what she was getting into, and with whom. I'm just glad she did not have a good set of tennis shoes, or I would have never been able to catch her and bring her back. Anyhow, in her frazzled state she had a hard time remembering the different places to position herself on the platform. The minister conducting the ceremony was quite sympathetic. After all, look what she was getting into, and with whom. He expressed condolences and then gave simple advice to help her to get through the day.
"When you enter the church, keep focused upon the aisle. Think to yourself: 'Aisle! Aisle! Aisle!'"
"When you get to the front, focus upon the altar. Think to yourself: 'Altar! Altar! Altar!"
"Finally, before the exchanging of vows will be a hymn. Think to yourself: 'Hymn! Hymn! Hymn!'"
It worked beautifully. She looked amazing on that day. But several people were surprised to hear her muttering, as she approached the front of the church, "...aisle, altar, hymn..., ...aisle, altar, hymn..., ...aisle, altar, hymn..."
And, so has been her mantra for 26 years of marriage.
05.15.08 (12:32 pm) [
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posted by:
jjsmom (
reply)
post date:
05.15.08 (9:53 am)
lol, took me a few moments to realize exactly what the mantra was, lol..... good advice though!
posted by:
bawdy (
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post date:
05.15.08 (11:47 am)
Did you make that up or is it an old joke? It's very clever, so I'm guessing the latter!
posted by:
barnabus1 (
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post date:
05.15.08 (12:47 pm)
FUNNNNY!!!
posted by:
mimi (
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post date:
05.15.08 (12:59 pm)
i'm going with bawdy! excellent! isn't that what they say about male dogs...alter/neuter! LOL! xoxoxo
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
05.15.08 (2:44 pm)
Reply to: bawdy
Like almost all church jokes, this one is "as old as the hills". I put a bit of personal flavor to it, of course. Glad you liked it.
posted by:
PastorDave (
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post date:
05.15.08 (2:45 pm)
Reply to: jjsmom
You think it is good advice? Hah! Lots of guys and gals go into marriage thinking they will alter their spouse. Most often it never happens. So, I think, the lesson: Know well what you are getting before you make the purchase.
posted by:
PastorDave (
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post date:
05.15.08 (2:46 pm)
Reply to: barnabus1
Coming from a jokester, that's a compliment.
posted by:
PastorDave (
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post date:
05.15.08 (2:48 pm)
Reply to: mimi
Poor old dogs. And I've known a few guys along the way who would great benefit society by being exposed to the same procedure.
posted by:
jjsmom (
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post date:
05.15.08 (2:51 pm)
Reply to: PastorDave
As true as that may be, to know what you are getting, if you think of it in the terms of all the changes for the better once you are married.... spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.... that was what I ment by the good advice comment....
posted by:
squirrelzone (
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post date:
05.15.08 (3:22 pm)
Great advice. Somebody should have told me how long the wedding kiss should have been. I was waiting the phrase, "And,.....release."
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
05.15.08 (3:26 pm)
Reply to: squirrelzone
How long should the wedding kiss be? Please allow me to quote scripture for the answer:
"When thou kisseth at the conclusion of thy wedding, verily it shall last longer than a peck and yet be much shorter than the slobbering and groping variety. Verily I say, to not heed is to heap coals of fire upon thine head."
I can give you chapter and verse if you would like.
posted by:
userfriendly (
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post date:
05.15.08 (3:37 pm)
yeah.. "you may now stop kissing the bride" would have been nice..
posted by:
squirrelzone (
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post date:
05.15.08 (3:54 pm)
Reply to: userfriendly
The minister did whisper, "get a room" but we had set up fireworks to be shot off when we kissed and there was a long delay so we kept smooching until we herd the familiar sounds of fireworks being cooked off. No one knew that we had fireworks planned so it all came together.
posted by:
squirrelzone (
reply)
post date:
05.15.08 (3:55 pm)
Reply to: PastorDave
Is there a fireworks clause in that verse? The kiss wouldn't have been so long if there wasn't a big delay in the fireworks being deployed.
posted by:
mimi (
reply)
post date:
05.15.08 (6:06 pm)
Reply to: PastorDave
oh, dear friend o'mine, i could not agree more...my youngest son would be one of them! xoxo
posted by:
fractalmom (
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post date:
05.15.08 (7:06 pm)
i have heard worse advice LOL
posted by:
kgurl1166 (
reply)
post date:
05.16.08 (3:45 pm)
Congrats on the 26yrs .. not a lot of ppl make it that long..
