Edward And His Wild Kids
Edward joined our church a little less than a year ago. There is so much about him that is attractive, and some things that make you want to quickly walk away. Sound like anybody you sometimes see, in the mirror? His three kids are a mess! They are hyper, and tend to roam the church facilities unattended. The middle child, a pre-teen, seems to have some serious social issues. He is a bully, rather defiant, and sometimes says alarming things. Edward is very defensive about his children. A couple of weeks ago, his youngest boy insisted upon attending a class inappropriate for his age group. When the teacher reasonably refused, Edward grabbed his kids and went home, in a huff. During a fellowship meal, one of his children dashed ahead of the rest of the crowd into the front of the line. One of the workers politely pointed him back to his place. Edward became indignant, and did not attend for a few weeks. The most recent incident involves his kids going out to the playground, unattended. A fellow church member was concerned about the matter, and asked Edward if he thought the kids should have adult supervision? Edward again became angry and offended, and promptly loaded his kids into the car and left the premises.
Saturday night I talked with him for a while. And I asked if he would be at church the next day. He said no, that he is tired of his children being “picked on” by some of the people of the church. He is finally moving toward a better relationship with his wife, who has adamantly insisted upon no connection with the church, and simply cannot deal with these issues right now. I talked with him a bit about the challenging nature of all human relationships, including those at church. Naturally in a larger group of people some personalities will come across as less attractive than others. I encouraged him to doggedly stick with his commitment to church, even with the occasional negative event, because it would be beneficial in the long run. With sadness and honesty, he said that he really likes me, but cannot accept the ill treatment of his children. And, he did not attend church on Sunday.
This man and his family have a disturbing home life. He and his children have difficult lives, which I believe most likely includes abuse. Of course these children are not normal. They need love and structure, and I know our church can be beneficial in these areas. I think counseling of a more professional orientation is needed, which I cannot provide, but I can gently lead them toward as our relationships progress. However, his rigid defensiveness gets in the way. These mild efforts at restraining his children, for the good of the wider church community, have been well-intended and mostly appropriate. Of course, sometimes people do not handle situations with the best of method and communication skills, especially when overwhelmed.
Edward and his family deserve and need a patient love from our church family. I think we can deliver. I hope he will give us a chance. I will seek to keep the lines of communication open.
