A Conversation About The Nature Of Giving
I know of some serious needs that I feel rather sure that God would want my church to help meet. A widow, of meager means, needs tires for her car. A man out of work needs help with his insurance. And a single mother would like to provide Christmas for her children. I've told our Deacons about the specifics of these matters and we decided to ask the church to help. Our desire is to keep the specific identities secret, for the sake of privacy and respect. So I've mentioned the matter to the congregation and asked that those who feel impressed to help to pass along their contributions to myself or one of the deacons. And, so far the response has been minimal.
Last night, at a small gathering, I was asked how things were going with this situation. I told the group I was a bit disappointed that more help has not come along. Some questions ensued, along with conversation, and I developed a bit of uneasiness with the matter. One lady started asking about personal identities of those in need. I've made a solemn commitment to try to keep their identities private. Why does this person need to know? Then another lady said that she absolutely will not give cash. She said to simply pass along the money and not be directly involved in the transaction is "to be robbed of the joy of giving". Most of those sitting around nodded with agreement. I asked if this was a matter of trust? These people have entrusted me with the responsibility of being their pastor. I have an eight year track record of being a person of integrity, and so it seems to me they can trust me with connecting the needs with the funds.
And then I looked toward this person who seemed quite settled in her insistence that the joy of giving is in the transaction. I told her that, in my understanding, the pure essence of giving is to insist upon no recognition. I mentioned Matthew 6:3-4,
"But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing that your alms may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will repay you." It seems clear to me that we are not to be seeking recognition or affirmation when we make a gift as an expression of our faith. It is a sacred matter of worship.
As I usually do, I analyzed the matter to death. Even as we continued to converse, I quickly surmised that my ultimate goal was to help some needy people, not to defend my trustworthiness or to lecture others concerning the nature of giving. So I compromised! After more conversation, we decided it would be best to mention the needs and to keep the recipients anonymous. Someone needs two tires and a front-end alignment. Another needs help with an insurance bill. And, another would like to provide a merry Christmas for her children.
One man said he would just go buy the gifts, give them to the mother, and then the mother could pretend they were from her! To me, this was still too much an effort for recognition on his part.
Am I being too insistent about the nature of selfless giving?
11.25.08 (10:03 pm) [
edit]
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
11.25.08 (7:49 pm)
No. You are not. If it isn't selfless, frankly, it isn't giving. It's part of my bellyache with all things "Christian". If the parishioners need to feel the "joy of giving" (read: See what I can do for you? See how generous I am?) then they've missed the point entirely. Try not to compromise on this point.
The drag is, of course, that if the only way to supply those you've identified with what they need, then? - Hmmm.
How dare your parishioners put you in that position.
posted by:
auntconi (
reply)
post date:
11.25.08 (9:06 pm)
I am afraid I feel the same here (as surrogate) ~ "how dare the parishoners put you in such a position" ~ they should give for the sake of giving to help someone in need if they are able to do so.
My church did this ~ we contributed to a 'fund' and the pastor used the funds and helped those in need. I do not remember anyone questioning 'who' and 'what for' ~ sorry you are in this predicament!
posted by:
IntricateGirl (
reply)
post date:
11.25.08 (9:25 pm)
It sounds like to me they don't want to give as much as they want to be recognized for giving. :(
posted by:
fractalmom (
reply)
post date:
11.26.08 (7:35 am)
and how, exactly, would the 'generous' man know what the kids would want? or where the best front end alignment and two tires bargain can be had? sounds to me like your flock is glory seeking, not giving.
we have often, perhaps not this Christmas, simply taken two hundred dollars to a church, or a school counselor, and handed it over and said, "please give this to the person who could most benefit from it."
I have never known who got it, if the counselor or church kept it, or what happened to it.
And I don't want to.
No, your flock is not stepping up to the plate at all.
and, you are dead on right.
posted by:
timm17 (
reply)
post date:
11.26.08 (8:33 am)
Hey PastorDave: Upon completion of reading your article the realization that trust is a virtue that is to be unspoken, rang quite loudly. The true nature of all charitable offerings is that the recipient of such assistance is able to maintain their own sense of integrity and in the same instant not have to be singled out often resulting in embarrassment for said "party".
There is no doubt whatsoever in my mind at least, that your concept of what trust is and should be is entirely accurate. This person that you refer to as wanting to know who the recipient is perhaps more concerned with the image of appearing "saintly" towards the other members of your congregation than the actuality of the offering. To me it is very similar to those who frequently donate with a condition always seemingly attached that they require a tax receipt for tax purposes. If one has to ask for a receipt of any kind dimisses the idea of what the word charity means and how it may be defined.
Of course there must be accountability in all finances and for them to want to know who the individual is that is receiving their benevolence, is a betrayal of yours as wells as their integrety also. The anonymity of such gestures is what true charity is all about. Please continue PastorDave in maintaining your position with respect to your stance with such things, for anything less would be the ultimate betrayal of the true nature of giving. In all the time that I have been on "Tblog" this perhaps is the finest "blog" that I have had the opportunity to view. Absolutely outstanding work on your part. Within this article your integrity is well noticed. Take care and have a great day Pastor Dave.
Timm17
posted by:
bawdy (
reply)
post date:
11.26.08 (1:07 pm)
It sounds like the Pharisees are alive and well and prominent. I think a sermon is in order on selflessness and humility.
posted by:
Ladyg (
reply)
post date:
11.26.08 (3:42 pm)
I really can't believe their attitude on this.
Do your church take up a benevolence offering on Sundays to have on hand to help those in need?
we do and that is always there but there is a cap on what is given, they will not pay a house note with it, last week a member called wanting to know if she could borrow $3000 to help her buy a house, it is not set up for that purpose.
We should not want to be recognized for giving.
Good Luck on getting that across PD.
posted by:
jackum (
reply)
post date:
11.28.08 (4:50 am)
I believe that once a gift, monetary or otherwise leaves my hand, it is out of my hands as to what happens to it. I receive the blessing from God for having given the gift. That doesn't mean that I should just give haphazardly, but in your case, the people should just give and leave the rest up to God, including the blessing they receive.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
11.28.08 (8:51 am)
Reply to: surrogate
So much about life necessarily involves the need to compromise with the ideal. And it's a disappointing part of getting along with others. Maybe that's why some people become old and cantankerous. At a certain point, I guess, you can finally just tell people what you think without worry about the consequences. I think, as I move along with life, I'm moving toward the point of just being cantankerous right now- not waiting until life is almost over. So you get fired, so some people hate you, so you do not attain success as measured by those around? At least you can live with yourself, and sleep well at night.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
11.28.08 (8:55 am)
Reply to: jackum
You hit the nail on the head, my friend. If you are buying something with the "gift", then call it what it is- a transaction, an exchange, a purchase. Am I purchasing your gratitude? Am I buying a good feeling and a warm heart? Am I needing approval, and willing to pay for it?
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
11.28.08 (8:58 am)
Reply to: Ladyg
We do. Well, it's a budget item, a smidgeon of our entire budget. We truly fall short when it comes to the stewardship of our church budget, with almost all of it going to direct and self needs. And many of the leaders feel, should we get some breathing room with our budget, it should go into savings for the next rainy day need. I'm feeling, as I digest this post and the comments that are so truly helpful, that a real need from ministry is to lead my church to be greater in it's selfless giving to others. It's a big and dangerous task!
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
11.28.08 (9:00 am)
Reply to: bawdy
Pharisees? You know, the Pharisees were the religious conservatives of Bible times. They weren't all bad. They simply had a big problem with exalting self in the place of God. Sounds familiar.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
11.28.08 (9:02 am)
Reply to: auntconi
Well, I'm still working on my approach to this matter. I think I'll go through the Deacons and the Benevolence Committee. And I'll preach a series of messages about the connection of Christmas and giving. It should be interesting. The key is to be kind and non-antagonistic in my approach, while still be of integrity with the messages. We shall see...
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
11.28.08 (9:04 am)
Reply to: IntricateGirl
Interesting, to me, is that generally those who give the most do so with the least fanfare. Most would be surprised who gives the most to the church.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
11.28.08 (9:06 am)
Reply to: fractalmom
Not stepping up to the plate? Ouch...
In my personal Bible reading, I am in the middle of the Old Testament prophets. Today I'm in Jeremiah. Wow, those guys were quite straight in "telling it like it is". But, of course, Jeremiah was placed into a hollow log and sawn in half.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
11.28.08 (9:07 am)
Reply to: timm17
Thanks, timm. I've a t-mail coming your way, as soon as I sit down and carefully consider what I want to say. It's been a long time coming...
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
11.28.08 (2:35 pm)
Reply to: PastorDave
Easier when your children are grown and - in my case - when I found myself single. I was JUST talking about this very thing with Sweet Lady's brother not five minutes ago. There's a certain irresistible freedom in being able to say, "F*ck it," and mean it, that only comes with freedom. What's the old song? "Freedom's just another word for, nothin' left to lose..."
On the other hand, I suppose it's good to remember that the gal who sang those words died of a heroin overdose at far too young an age...
posted by:
fractalmom (
reply)
post date:
11.29.08 (6:54 am)
Reply to: surrogate
she sure did, but MAN, what a set of pipes she had. Gak!! I miss her singing. Think I'll go pull out Bobby McGee and listen to it. Thanks for the mems surr!!
posted by:
truthserum42 (
reply)
post date:
12.01.08 (10:19 am)
If you don't want a gossip outbreak in your congregation maintain your principles. Tell those nosey congrent that God blesses inspite of them and not because of them and that it is more blessed to give than to receive and what blesses assurance it is to a giver to know that only God knows what he or she has done.
posted by:
spook102956 (
reply)
post date:
12.04.08 (6:20 pm)
I think everyone's response on this situation has been excellent but especially timm17 and Bawdy.
