I'll Be A Good Christian & Help You, But First I'll Expect You To Grovel A Little...
I told Randy I would give him a ride to Men's Breakfast, scheduled at the church for Sunday morning at 8:00. My Sunday was extremely busy, as usual, with all kinds of deadlines and performances and matters demanding my attention. And so I was building up a resentment at having to give this guy a ride. He lives over ten miles from the church with no direct route to his house. As usual I was running late. Certainly I exceeded the speed limit along the circuitous route to his home on the other side of the County. He was waiting in the carport, and a bit anxious that I was not on time. He entered the car and immediately started pressing buttons on his cellphone, his normal routine for the trip. There was little small talk, and again no acknowledgment of thanks for my effort of time and inconvenience. By the time we pulled into the parking lot, ten minutes tardy, I was rather agitated at Randy. He got out of the car and walked on inside, without waiting for me. And he ate a lot of breakfast. To the amusement of most of the men, he consumed three helpings. And I noticed, when the basket was passed, that he did not pay.
Along the day, I thought quite a bit about Randy as I examined my irritation with him. He is around 30 years of age, and mentally challenged. He is unable to drive because of seizures. I've highly admired the fact that he works regularly, riding his bicycle many miles to the local Mervyn's where he serves as a stock boy. He attended our church many years ago when he lived in the neighborhood, and continues to seek the connection even though in my estimation he lives too far away and should find a local church to attend. Most Sundays his mother will bring him, but of course she is not going to get up early for Men's Breakfast. My service to Randy does not seem to earn me brownie points with the congregation. He is not capable of leadership and does not understand the concept of giving. It would likely be easier to help him, if there were some kind of clear payback for the effort. But he is not related to anyone else in the congregation. He is not particularly attractive or fun to be around. And, irritating to me, he does not say thanks or express appreciation for what I do for him. I wonder if he even thinks about it?
As I considered the matter, I came to realize the real problem is not with Randy, but my attitude. As a follower of Christ, why should I give and serve? And I know the answer, enforced by countless Sunday School lessons and sermons. Giving should be from the heart, selfless. It is to be motivated by love with a pure desire to honor Christ. With Randy, I sure was drifting far from such ideals. I was demanding what I perceived to be worthiness and acknowledgment on the part of the recipient. He was supposed to be grateful and sweet, and certainly give me credit for the noble effort! And I almost fell for it, until I felt a rather sharp slap to face by an unseen hand. "Dave, just love the guy. Forget about acknowledgment and praise. I know, and that's all that matters."
Indeed! Oops. My phone is ringing. I think it is Randy, wanting to chat. Good grief, I've got a million things to do.....
01.17.09 (1:27 pm) [
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posted by:
emerging (
reply)
post date:
01.17.09 (10:35 am)
Ever heard that song, "Thank You", by Ray Boltz?
posted by:
Ladyg (
reply)
post date:
01.17.09 (11:12 am)
That was a good lesson PD.
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
01.17.09 (11:47 am)
Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing if, as a part of your service to him, you worked to teach him some manners, and explained why you're doing so. He needs some rudimentary social skills regardless of his limitations, even if it's for no other reason than because not many people will put up with that sort of thing for long. -And since it's apparent he's going to require help from many people over the years, it's really stuff he going to need to know, isn't it? Or are his mental difficulties so severe that he just wouldn't get it?
posted by:
PirateGirl (
reply)
post date:
01.17.09 (12:27 pm)
Yes, a very good lesson PD
- Our reward is not here...but in Heaven :)
posted by:
bawdy (
reply)
post date:
01.17.09 (1:02 pm)
He probably doesn't know any better, but perhaps surrogate is right..a little constructive criticism could be beneficial.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
01.17.09 (1:40 pm)
Reply to: emerging
Yes. An oldie but a goodie. I know, in my heart, we are making an impact on many that we do not recognize in this life.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
01.17.09 (1:41 pm)
Reply to: Ladyg
Thanks. It seems I'll never graduate this School Of Life.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
01.17.09 (1:45 pm)
Reply to: surrogate
He just does not reason in a normal manner. A few days ago, he was telling me that he was looking for an apartment of his own. His parents are charging him $80 per week for room and board, and he says it is too much. I replied that an apartment around here would be at least $650 per month, plus utilities. Then he would have to pay for food, etc. I was trying to make the point that he has a very good deal with his parents, for only $80 per month. He totally did not understand, and now continues to be unhappy with his current living arrangements.
I'm convinced some people I can't change, and perhaps cannot even be changed. I just have to accept.
posted by:
Ladyg (
reply)
post date:
01.17.09 (1:45 pm)
Reply to: PastorDave,
We never stop learning PD.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
01.17.09 (1:46 pm)
Reply to: PirateGirl
Yes. The greatest and yet most undeserved for all of us would be to simply be there.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
01.17.09 (1:47 pm)
Reply to: bawdy
Perhaps. We talk at least once a week. I'll try.
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
01.17.09 (2:09 pm)
Reply to: PastorDave
Wow... Too bad. Good thing you're as patient as you are.
posted by:
auntconi (
reply)
post date:
01.17.09 (5:58 pm)
You are earning valuable points ... wait, do we need points?
posted by:
fractalmom (
reply)
post date:
01.19.09 (2:27 pm)
which is why YOU are a man of the cloth.....and I am NOT !! You are a good man PD. One of few truly, but a good man.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
01.19.09 (2:49 pm)
Reply to: fractalmom
Ah, but serving and loving others, selflessly, isn't relegated to the clergy! Perhaps you are a nun in training?
