Lying Liar Who Likes To Lie....To Me
Part 3, Toward A Better Understanding Of Substance Abuse
Today, I would like to introduce you to Tim. We will spend a few days getting to know him. He is a nice guy, a drug abuser, and for a while he played me like a fiddle. Sometimes I wonder if he is still playing others, and playing the system?
Tim was a bit intimidating to see. He liked to project himself as a Bad Dude Bouncer. He was bulked-up from heavy weight lifting, his head shaved, and sometimes he would wear safety pins as earrings. But all you had to do was talk with him for a few minutes to realize he was a nice guy- soft spoken, polite.
Sometime he would drop off his daughter for church activities, and sometime we would hire him for landscaping. Often he and I would stand in the parking lot to talk and laugh. And I prayed for Tim. But he never attended a worship service at my church. My intent was to make sure we had lines of communication, trusting God was working in his life and bringing him to the point of true interest in matters of personal faith.
Several months ago he called me on the phone. He gave me a long and rambling story of his challenges: lost his home and business, living in an extended-stay motel, behind on child support, and in others ways victimized by life. His understanding was that he was a good-natured and nice guy, mistreated by a lot of folk, and now facing an unusual streak of bad luck. After listening for a while, I asked if there was any major part of this story that he was not telling? He assured me he was doing everything right. I arranged to help him out as much as I could, and we made plans to sit down and talk. It confused me that he never made it to our appointments. Once I loaned to him the gas-powered trimmer of the church, and he never returned it. But he continued to call periodically for words of support.
Then one day he called, telling me the next day he would be going into a rehab facility for drug and alcohol dependency! I responded with a long and silent pause. For the last several months, over the course of dozens of conversations and prayers, absolutely nothing was said to me about this major part of his life. He was cool. He had it all together. He was just having a hard time. All along, he was missing work, draining his funds, and losing his friends and family because of drugs. I felt deceived and used.
The next day he was gone, headed for a six-month stay at a rehab facility funded by my church and denomination. And I had a decision to make about whether I wanted to continue a relationship with someone who could so readily and convincingly lie to me? Probably, you know my ultimate response.
One thing is for sure. His substance abuse certainly made him a good liar, and made me feel pretty stupid.
02.05.09 (10:27 am) [
edit]
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
02.05.09 (7:39 am)
Goes with the territory, I think.
posted by:
fractalmom (
reply)
post date:
02.05.09 (9:25 am)
yeah, you'll have that.
posted by:
auntconi (
reply)
post date:
02.05.09 (12:45 pm)
"One thing is for sure. His substance abuse certainly made him a good liar, and made me feel pretty stupid."
~~~ unfortunately, I believe many people can say the same thing!
posted by:
bawdy (
reply)
post date:
02.05.09 (1:06 pm)
Who was he fooling if not himself? Why go to such lengths to seek comfort if you're not being honest
posted by:
barnabus1 (
reply)
post date:
02.05.09 (2:22 pm)
There are some who can have nothing to do with truth...Truth is Sacred...and they want nothing to do with th Sacred...We know who the Father of liars is...so that's why they lie?
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
02.07.09 (11:55 am)
I've been thinking about this post for a day or so. I think lies of omission, of the sort Tim specialized in when dealing with you, are sometimes harder to deal with than bold-faced untruths, but I'm not sure I can put my finger on why that is. Maybe it's that you can't check the veracity of that which you don't hear.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
02.07.09 (12:37 pm)
Reply to: surrogate
I've got more to say about Tim's story with my next post. I drove 2+ hours to visit with him, and gained more understanding of him and his personal struggle. It is easier for me to like the guy once I know him better, even with his many faults.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
02.09.09 (1:06 pm)
Reply to: fractalmom
Oh, I've followed your writings long enough to realize that you know this matter quite well. And I am sorry you have to be so thoroughly acquainted with such drug-hazed truth bending.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
02.09.09 (1:08 pm)
Reply to: auntconi
If we tend toward being sympathetic or empathetic, then we truly want to believe the best about another person, and we will tend to trust until the person clearly proves himself to not be trustworth. And, thus we set ourselves up to be burned. Still, better than to go through life too skeptical and guarded.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
02.09.09 (1:10 pm)
Reply to: bawdy
I think the guy was not being truly honest with himself. It's like he plays the part so well he fools himself. And, then ever few days, he will step from the stage to do his drugs, and then promptly return to the acting without hardly missing a beat. It's bizarre, it's irrational, but I think it is the world this type of person creates for himself.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
02.09.09 (1:13 pm)
Reply to: barnabus1
I understand what you are saying. But, that would cast this guy into the category of intentionally being evil. I cannot list him as such. He is deceived and deceiving, he is "sick"- emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. But I do not think he is evil.
