The Damn Heard Round The World
In an instant she was gone. And, I panicked.
My mom's apartment is on the third floor. My little 3-year-old granddaughter loves to press the buttons to go up and down the elevator. She is quite proud that she can manipulate the buttons on her own. And so we were leaving mom's apartment with plans to go out for lunch. The little girl ran down the long hallway and turned the corner. I did not think too much about it, for she also likes to show Papa how fast she can run, and she always waits at the end. Mom was moving a little slow. She's 89-years-old, so I patiently walked alongside. When we rounded the corner, Skylar was not there. And the elevator was gone. I quickly surmised she had pressed the button to the first floor, and would likely be there waiting. So we hurried onto the second elevator and made our way to the bottom. No Skylar!
I became very concerned. This is a large building with lots of floors, hallways, and corridors. There are closets with chemicals, and stairways with steps dangerously steep for a little one. The elevators are old, with shafts accessible to the arms and legs of a child. My mind was conjuring the worse. I felt the need to hurry up to each floor to systematically check for my baby. The stairway was far away. And to my irritation, the elevator decided not to move. I guess my rapid-fire pressing of the buttons had confused the circuitry.
And so in exasperation I said, with a long and loud exhalation, "Damn it!"
It seemed an eternity, but in reality only a minute or so, that the elevator again functioned. I checked the second floor- no baby girl. I checked the third floor, and there she stood with two little ladies. Thumb was in her mouth and eyes were red and soaked with tears. The white-haired woman informed me that Skylar told her she wanted her mama. I picked her up and held her tightly, as if a thousand pound load had fallen from my back.
As we returned to the main floor, I was immediately confronted by the security guy.
"You shouldn't talk like that"
"What?"
I took two steps toward the doorway when the Manager met me. Her face was white with stress and hands quivering.
"How dare you talk that way in my building."
I was still quite upset over the last ten minutes of sheer terror. Out of the fog I could see her angry face and hear the conviction of her voice. It had a similarity to me, reminding me of the revivalist who would stand before the church denouncing sin.
Shaking my head, mostly to clear my focus back to reality, again I said "What?"
We do not use language like that around here.
Mam. I do not recall cursing a blue streak. I remember being upset, even terrified, because my granddaughter was missing.
That's no excuse. We're Christian people around here.
It entered my mind, the best I could recollect, this was not a religious community. But I decided not to go in that direction with my comments. And then I became angry at this holy, righteous, Old Testament prophet who was so deeply offended by my verbal indiscretion.
Lady, when you can give me proof that you've achieved perfection in life, then you can stand here and lecture me on my misuse of the English language.
Well, you can just not come here anymore.
Quickly I surmised this was about power. And control. In Christ she can do all things, like ban from the building evil and Satanic persons- like me, a guy who cursed!
You can't tell me that!
I went out to the car, got mom situated and strapped Skylar into her carseat. And then I asked them to wait while I went back to the office.
Please, mam, try to understand. My granddaughter was missing. I feared for her safety, even her life.
That's no excuse. You had me very upset.
Have you never been in a situation where a child or grandchild was suddenly missing?
Yes I have.
And in that moment, did you not respond with panic, adrenaline, and emotion?
I never talked like that.
I want to assure you such is not my usual use of vocabulary. I was terrified. My granddaughter was missing!
I don't care about your granddaughter. I care about the profanity.
And that was the most revealing of statements.
She did not care about my granddaughter...
Her arm could have been severed by an elevator shaft.
She could have fallen down the stairs.
Abducted by a pedophile.
A lost and upset and crying little girl.
And a grandfather who loves her more than life- terrified, thinking of nothing else but to find her, to leap any obstacle in the way.
The safety of this child was not of primary concern.
The aching of a panic-stricken grandfather elicited no empathy.
Her righteous, holy ears were offended by a curse word.
So I knew right then that she was incapable of understanding.
She had God on her side! This was her spiritual stand against darkness. She had set her righteous jaw, and she was determined to win this battle of good and evil.
Mam, I am sorry that I have offended you. Please pray for me.
She nodded, and motioned for me to walk out the door.
This kind of Christian makes me sick.
02.28.09 (12:32 am) [
edit]
posted by:
Ladyg (
reply)
post date:
02.27.09 (10:25 pm)
I can't believe she acted like that.
Thank God that you found Skylar safe.
posted by:
PirateGirl (
reply)
post date:
02.28.09 (12:37 am)
Wow! - yeah
So glad you found your precious grandaughter PD
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
02.28.09 (3:41 am)
"It seems to me you could have found an alternate way to express yourself. Just a lack of respect for others."
Idiotic woman. I'm telling ya, you just can't worry about people like that.
It's not even like you were even "damning" a person. Just the situation.
F*ck her.
posted by:
emerging (
reply)
post date:
02.28.09 (8:21 am)
Take Surr with you next time you go. If she bursts a vessel, do you think that could be considered "assault with a deadly weapon"?
posted by:
(
reply)
post date:
02.28.09 (8:51 am)
And the truth will set you free.
posted by:
fractalmom (
reply)
post date:
02.28.09 (12:51 pm)
good grief!! It could have been ME there, she probably would have simply imploded..want me to come visit the building??? on a bsd day???? she won't have a liver left but it will be loads of fun.
posted by:
fractalmom (
reply)
post date:
02.28.09 (12:51 pm)
and I am glad Skylar is safe. Long talk in order eh?
posted by:
bawdy (
reply)
post date:
02.28.09 (1:36 pm)
I would have told her to go fornicate herself. What a prude!
posted by:
mimi (
reply)
post date:
02.28.09 (4:57 pm)
lemmeater! lemmeatter! lemmeatter!!!
i'll tie one paw behind me back, but lemmmeeeaattter!!!!
this kind of "christian" give Jesus a baaadddd name!! xoxox
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
02.28.09 (7:14 pm)
Reply to: bawdy
But if she learned to fornicate herself, she probably wouldn't be such a prude - or such a beotch.
posted by:
auntconi (
reply)
post date:
02.28.09 (10:28 pm)
Oh how frightening! So glad you found Skylar safe, even though she had tears and all ~ ((hugs))
posted by:
truthserum42 (
reply)
post date:
02.28.09 (11:50 pm)
Pastor Dave Oh God would have been a more appropriate statement and it would not have been considered profane
posted by:
PirateGirl (
reply)
post date:
03.01.09 (10:56 am)
Reply to: truthserum42
It's just as profane - but that's not the point - i think you missed it
posted by:
truthserum42 (
reply)
post date:
03.01.09 (6:59 pm)
Reply to: PirateGirl Since when is Oh God profane and what are you basing it on. It's definitely not based on scripture. Damned is not profane as long as it describes a condition and not preceded by the word God
posted by:
barnabus1 (
reply)
post date:
03.01.09 (7:19 pm)
I think the woman has lost her sense of humanity!!
If she can't relate to your suffeering and have empathy...something is wrong w/ her! she's lost touch!!
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.01.09 (8:04 pm)
Reply to: Ladyg
In retrospect, I could have reacted with greater calm. I was almost to the point of hyperventilating. Quite upset. I could have also put my fist through a brick wall at the moment.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.01.09 (8:05 pm)
Reply to: barnabus1
Yes. It bothers me, very much, that one can be so "righteous" and yet care so little. It is a brand of religion that I want to stay far from.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.01.09 (8:07 pm)
Reply to: truthserum42
I think "Oh God" is a far too common and cavalier part of the vocabulary of today. For many, including myself, the name of God is sacred. It is not to be used the way so many choose. Reverence, respect should be connected.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.01.09 (8:08 pm)
Reply to: truthserum42
As a prayer, even quickly exclaimed in the heat of the moment, I can understand. And I think that is what you are saying.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.01.09 (8:09 pm)
Reply to: auntconi
Frightening indeed. I found her! Thanks.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.01.09 (8:10 pm)
Reply to: mimi
Sometime in the future, I may have to avail myself of your services. If I can get her in the ring, then I'm pretty sure you can dropkick the woman and pin her to a quick three count. I would cheer wildly.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.01.09 (8:12 pm)
Reply to: bawdy
She held the cards. If I pushed her too far, she could indeed bar me from seeing my mom, and even kick her out of the apartments. She knew this. It was a power she delighted in, and used for manipulation purposes. I'm sure she told her Sunday School class of her ordeal, and maybe even guided her fellow saints in a prayer on my behalf. And maybe, just maybe, she tripped over the carpet on the way out?
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.01.09 (8:15 pm)
Reply to: fractalmom
I just wonder in what world such a person lives? I live in a church parsonage, and work every day with church people, and still I am not overly offended when I go to an apartment building and overhear a curse word. It's just part of life. And, sometimes, I hesitate to say it, but sometimes such a word seems most appropriate. I guess one could substitute something that would sound less offensive, like "darn" or "shoot" or "fiddlesticks". But, when you get right down to it- it's still cursing, I think. No more, no less.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.01.09 (8:17 pm)
Reply to: emerging
Surr, in spite of his carefully crafted persona around here, exhibits some class and gentility in person. I think he would most likely just roll his eyes and walk away. As I should have!
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.01.09 (8:19 pm)
Reply to: surrogate
It is hard for me not to worry about a person like this. They makeup a sizable population of the world in which I live. That make the faith I represent to be rather complicated and often unattractive. They hold power. They are very dangerous.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.01.09 (8:20 pm)
Reply to: PirateGirl
Thank you, PG. Safe and sound! Today we celebrated her 3rd birthday, and it was quite a good time together.
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
03.01.09 (8:39 pm)
Reply to: PastorDave
Maybe someday you'll understand why I don't want these sorts elected - ever - and just on principle.
posted by:
fractalmom (
reply)
post date:
03.02.09 (8:58 am)
Reply to: PastorDave
sigh. they walk among us. all over. i wish i was that perfect.
posted by:
RebeccaNelle (
reply)
post date:
03.02.09 (11:24 am)
I like this. And I agree totally. These kinds of attitudes have put me off 'christianity' for some time now.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.02.09 (11:39 am)
RebeccaNelle
I was struck, even floored, by the obvious and stark contrast between her preening righteousness and her utter lack of empathy. I've seen it before. From my culterual settings of the past, I've encountered scores of people who practiced a devout love for all things God related, and yet had absolutely no love or concern for fellow humans who happened to have a different skin color. It oozes of hypocrisy, of the Pharisee variety so utterly detested by Jesus Christ himself.
Thanks for the visit, old friend from High School days!
posted by:
RebeccaNelle (
reply)
post date:
03.02.09 (12:09 pm)
Oh, I'll be back around. I think I'm gonna enjoy it here. :) I haven't gone to church in years, not out of laziness or lack of character, but simply because so many of the churches house people like the woman in your story, and I just can't abide it. So I have a different kind of church in my heart, and it's how I've raised my kids as well. God is so big, He's bigger than the limits people constantly try to put on Him, and would NEVER indulge in some of the things that are practiced in His name!
posted by:
Barbara (
reply)
post date:
03.04.09 (6:54 pm)
At the risk of being attached as self-righteous, your kind of Christianity scares me. Do you not realize you have murdered this woman on the world wide web. And the sad thing is that her version and your mother's version of the incident varies greatly from what you wrote. Or were you just taking poetic license? This is really troubling to me.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.05.09 (6:36 am)
Reply to: Barbara
Dear Barbara, first you need to explain "poetic license". I'll be the first to admit that sometimes what we perceive, since we look through the lens of our own perspective, will be different from what actually happens. It is an imperfection we all live with. Including yourself, I can assure you. I've tried to relay the story best I can recall.
Secondly, I've murdered this woman? This lady represents thousands upon thousands of persons who live within a bubble of their own righteousness and absolutely forget the requirement of compassion. Just a cursory study of the scriptures will find a lot of space taken up in opposition to such. The Old Testament prophets, the New Testament missionaries, and especially Jesus spoke against such. Basically, to not have compassion for a person is to be far from the Kingdom. So, yes, I've tried to use this format and my limited writing skills to make that point. The incident is an opportunity to deal with something much more important than a little personal spat.
Murdered? I've put no names or faces to the matter. No businesses, no addresses, etc. are named. This could very well be a parable, a manufactured story, and still the point would be valid. But it is the truth. That is, as I've already admitted, the truth as I perceive it.
Murdered? Life goes on. This person "won". Don't you get it? She held all the cards, and she got her insisted-upon apology, and she ended the day feeling she had done everything right and stood her ground in a matter of important righteousness. She is not capable of debating the matter. She feels no pain, unless an epiphany were to come her way.
Now. let me address this matter to you on a clearly personal basis. This is between myself and this supervisor. You are not an investigative reporter. It is not your business to interject yourself into the matter and complicate my relationship with this supervisor or with my mom. I intend to travel weekly to this venue and spend time on the premises, and the last thing I need for you to do is to make things any more challenging. You can share with me your opinion and I will listen, and perhaps learn something. But otherwise, you go too far.
posted by:
RebeccaNelle (
reply)
post date:
03.05.09 (12:25 pm)
So...you have your detractors. :-) You handled it well.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
03.05.09 (1:51 pm)
Reply to: RebeccaNelle
Oh, there's lots of tit-for-tat around here. This one caught me totally off guard. The "murder" stuff is interesting, and I'm o.k. with the debate about whether it is fair to criticize someone who does not have equal opportunity to give rebuttal. The point I am trying to make concerns far more than just this person, but all persons who understand faith/righteous to strictly be a matter of keeping the "law", and overlooks what I consider to be far weightier issues of compassion and love. It would be a good discussion.
What truly zings me, in this person's comment, is the inference that I am not telling the truth. This person further implies some kind of "inside" information to that fact. So, it is an attack on my character. And I can handle such when it comes from someone who does not know me. But...
I need to move on, and I have another piece in the works.
posted by:
barnabus1 (
reply)
post date:
03.05.09 (2:51 pm)
Damn it...it's not really a curse as it has no where to land...it's not really vulgar...nor foul...what's her complaint???
posted by:
jackum (
reply)
post date:
03.07.09 (5:51 am)
You did the right thing by allowing her to keep her supposed power. So she thinks she's running something, who cares? She's hurting herself more than anyone else. Remember 1Cor13., without love it's worthless.
posted by:
jackum (
reply)
post date:
03.07.09 (6:11 am)
I feel I need to say more. First off, thank God, you found your granddaughter. I should show love, too. We should love this woman. By bowing out and avoiding further trouble, your can continue to tend to your mother's needs. If you continue to show kindness to this woman, she may eventually see how God's love operates. I'll try to remember in my own life that God's not done with me, nor is he done with you, or that woman.
posted by:
RebeccaNelle (
reply)
post date:
03.07.09 (10:09 am)
Very insightful, jackum. I like that approach and attitude. I like it even better than my own first reaction. :-) Keep loving. Love. Always love. Because God IS love.
