You Can't Unscramble Eggs
She truly has a pretty smile, but it is so seldom seen these days. For months her husband has been gone. Together we have sought answers and made efforts toward reconciliation. I have talked with both parties, many times. At this point after so much has been said and done it is a jumbled mess. There is no clear-cut bad guy, or good guy. She and I have just had a time of prayer, asking for God’s guidance and again for His miracle. And as she is walking out the door I am thinking this is not good. Likely the marriage is gone.
It did not have to be this way. For years she glibly walked her way through this marriage and he soldiered along. He was empty and she seemed not to notice, or care. In desperation he reached out to the church for help. At that time she came to consider the church to be an enemy, an intrusion. And one day he could not take it anymore. He left. Then the story got even uglier. As seems often the case, Infidelity made her presence known. A good and decent person should not take the hand of this person. It is not good. But I know that ultimately She is not the culprit.
Now this forsaken wife is grasping for answers. I find it curious that she has turned to me for help. Until this thing blew up, I thought I understood her. She was cold. She was a manipulator. But now we have talked many times, and there actually seems a warm, kind, and thoughtful person there. Too bad this person was not available for her husband. And, then again, maybe I’m being played?
I know that two people, who have fallen out of love, can rekindle the flame if they work hard and ask God for help. It is not easy, but God can turn the water into wine. But this man no longer cares. He just wants out! He should be stronger. He should pray harder, and try harder. Right?
07.13.09 (2:49 pm) [
edit]
posted by:
RebeccaNelle (
reply)
post date:
07.13.09 (12:34 pm)
You answered your own question. You can't unscramble eggs. Sometimes you can make them into something else edible, though, so in that respect, there is still hope.
posted by:
bawdy (
reply)
post date:
07.13.09 (12:52 pm)
Sometimes people choose to ignore the red flags for too long. The phrase a stitch in time saves nine seems to apply here. If problems were addressed before the marriage was broken, it may have been fixable. Then again, maybe not even then.
posted by:
barnabus1 (
reply)
post date:
07.13.09 (1:39 pm)
Somewhere down the line, communication was broken!
When your not free to communicate truthfully and freely, It's a sign that things aren't going to get much better! Are they even willing to attempt to re establish real communication? or has one or the other been shut out too long?
posted by:
OldSchool (
reply)
post date:
07.13.09 (5:10 pm)
You do not mention children, so I assume there are no children affected by this situation.
That being the case, then sometimes people grow apart. Just like you can fall in love, you can fall out of love. The most important thing is to recognize this before it is too late. They might be able to put their lives together separately and still find happiness in the end.
I do not believe in giving up. But on the other hand, I do not believe in suffering for the sake of suffering. Like I said, they both might find real happiness in the end (and they might not). But at least they have a new chance to find out.
If kids were part of the equation, I would have a totally different opinion on the matter.
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
07.13.09 (7:36 pm)
With considerable experience behind my statement, I can assure you God does not meddle in such things. We can ask for help, and I assume he listens, or at least hears the requests, but it comes down to OUR decisions. When it goes the way we want, we can give God thanks - but alas, that has no more to do with his intervention than the outcome of a game in which the victorious players thank God. When things don't go the way one or the other hopes it ought, we console ourselves with the notion that God has other plans for us. It's all rubbish, of course, but what else can we do?
Sometimes I'm convinced that, when it comes right down to it, the only real challenge of life, once we're fed and sheltered, is learning to deal with our inevitable losses in such a way that we're able to make it through our days and nights - along with recognizing and being thankful for any lengthy gaps between our losses; in other words, when they're separated by enough time that life can feel quasi-normal for some good long stretches between occurrences.
