The mother of the victim stood to testify before the court at the sentencing hearing. Her eyes were misty and voice halting, and what I heard was not the least bit anger, but rather the bleeding of her heart. With words she shared a picture of her son that we needed to see. He cared about others, especially the elderly. He helped an infirmed man to maneuver his wheelchair, a hungry man with a meal. He proved to be a loyal friend, a good brother, and a good son. This was a person destined for a quality life and to make a difference for others. Sometimes during the recitation she would stop with the story for a while, lingering in silence and tears to regain her composure. At one point she looked over to the perpetrator. With softness to her voice, she told him that she did not hate him and did not want to ruin his life. And likely it was not permissible of the court, but she wanted to offer a gift to the young man. It was her son’s gym bag, to serve as a memory of his life and containing some literature about how one could find peace and forgiveness. This was because she was sure her son would want to make the offer. And when she walked from the stand into the arms of her sobbing family, the courtroom sat together in quiet respect and deep sadness.

The brother spoke also. His words were more mechanical, which seemed to me his only way to make the presentation without being totally engulfed in the emotions. He added more to our understanding of his brother as a quality person. He asked a young lady to stand, introducing her as his sister.   She stared strait ahead with face and eyes revealing no emotion. He told how she once was a vibrant and alive and fun young lady, but now seemed just a shell of her former self. Her life and energy now gone. He told us matter-of-factly that the same day he lost his brother, he also lost his sister. I sat stunned.

The defense now offered their testimonies, intended to encourage the court toward leniency. First the father slowly walked to the bench. I could not help but notice how much he had aged in the last year and now looked so very old. He told of how his son was raised in church and was active in High School sports, and never previously been in trouble with the law. He told of how proud he was when his son joined the army, later to serve in Afghanistan. Then he spoke of how his wife died of cancer about a year ago, of how devastating this event proved to be upon the whole family. I heard the ache in this father’s heart. I knew he drained his savings to try to help his son, and approached me several times to pray for his son. This dignified man looked the judge in the eye and begged, yes begged, for leniency. It seemed to me the judge looked down, unable to maintain eye contact with the hurting and sad man.

The next two witnesses wore military attire. They were his officers while in training and also in combat. They wove stories of a conscientious soldier doing his duty well. One gave a stomach churning account of warfare , of seeing a comrade blown to bits and the shocking effect upon the defendant.

Then the perpetrator of the deed stood to testify. To me he looked a bit awkward, in an ill-fitting suit and mussed hair. Obviously he gained a lot of weight in the last several months, probably a product of worry and depression.  He was not a smooth speaker; just a boy, in way over his head.  And he spoke from a broken heart, wiser but too late.

The story was told matter-of-fact, without excuse. I think we all appreciated the honesty.  He was home from military duty, soon to be married. It was the night of his bachelor party. The evening was intended for fun and drinking, with a designated driver enlisted. All went well at first. He had a drink and a nice chat with his dad, and then with his friends went to a bar. The place offered free drinks to those serving in the military, and this young man and his pals took full advantage. There was some fighting. Sometime in the evening the designated driver also started drinking. A friend became highly intoxicated and was asked to leave. And, this boy/man/soldier found himself in a dilemma- his driver was gone, and his friend needed to go home.  He told us all, at that moment, that he made the worst decision of his life.  He decided to drive the car, to take his friend home. He came to an intersection at a high rate of speed… and he hit a motorcycle. He did not remember much about the details- who was supposed to stop, how fast he was going, who disobeyed the specific traffic signs. All he recalled was pulling into a parking lot and talking with a police officer.

Then turned to the broken family, and spoke. The words were plain and from his heart. He was so very sorry. His desire was to spend the rest of life making restitution for this tragedy- speaking to groups, helping young people, and never again taking a drink. I believe he was sincere.

And he cried. All through the hearing he cried a bit.  At this moment it disintegrated into blubbering, ugly, deep-from-the-gut wailing. I felt such sorrow. And I noticed the other family was crying, as was the judge and the lawyers.

So much about life, to me, involves a tension between law and grace. This young man committed  a one-time and stupid and terrible act. For the sake of a life now gone, a shattered family, and a lesson to society, punishment had to be exacted. He faced a sentence of up to 30 years of incarceration. This seemed to me to be excessive and a waste of what otherwise still could be a good and meaningful life. More probable would be a sentence of between three and ten years in prison, of which 90% must be served. The judge spoke with eloquence and emotion. Seldom before had she seen such magnanimity on the part of an injured party. And she believed the young man to be a kind and decent person who made an awful mistake.

But she had the reputation of a no-nonsense litigator, and she intended to show respect for the law. Then she scanned the courtroom, and exhaled a sigh tired and sad. A moment of silence followed.

Five years in prison, followed by seven years probation.

Charles was handcuffed and taken away.  I hugged the family.  And cried.  And walked to my car in silence.

Nobody wins.

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posted by: Ladyg (reply)
post date: 08.31.09 (10:43 am)

This is a heartbreaking story that goes on almost daily in our courtrooms PD and you are right,
nobody wins.

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posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 08.31.09 (11:44 am)

Almost daily. How loudly that resonates with me. Such pain. Needless and stupid and.... I understand the call for a tough sentence on the one who would do such a thing. But, then it is more difficult when I actually know the person involved.

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posted by: bawdy (reply)
post date: 08.31.09 (12:59 pm)

This happens often enough that simply saying he should have known better is not enough. He knew better and now deserves to pay the consequences. But it is injustice that Donte Stallworth served only 30 days in jail for the same crime. There are always many victims stemming from such tragedies, and it is always sad to hear about.

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posted by: barnabus1 (reply)
post date: 08.31.09 (3:50 pm)

WE had a guy here, a friend of my brother, called Mr. DWI He had over 20 DWI's and spent most of his life in prison, but as soon as he got out, he hit the bars...this last time he got 10 years, but cirrhosis of the liver got him and he only served 2 years before he died! It's really terrible when both parties are normally really decent people...but had a party!!

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posted by: fractalmom (reply)
post date: 08.31.09 (7:01 pm)

Very sad. The saddest part perhaps, is the fact that there is something so simple, so basic, and, in short, why God sent Jesus down here to us.

Be very careful in the choices you make. Every single time. Every single choice.

We have raised our children to do just that. As all children, they have ignored most of what we tell them.

A little over a month ago, my youngest daughter, age 20 went for a ride with her best friend, a young man of 19 years. He is a boilermaker and makes really good money. He owns two cars, one, a jeep wrangler and the other, a Porsche. they are young and everyone was broke. They had smoked a bowl or two before leaving for Wal mart. The jeep was low on gas, but the Porsche had a full tank. they zipped over to get the porsche.

Three people in a two seater car. Bad choice.

At a red light, he turned to my daughter, who was 'riding the hump' and said "do you trust me?"

she replied, yes.

37 seconds later, on a freshly paved road, with a light drizzle, they hit a tree doing 90+ miles per hour.

He was killed. She has a broken neck and brain trauma. The 15 year old girl that was with them was only thankfully, bruised and battered.

He was her best friend since 6th grade.

The thing is, YOU don't ever know when the CHOICE you make is going to affect someone else.

Hitler's mother didn't realize that HER choice to have unprotected sex would result in the deaths of over 6 million people. To her, it was just a choice that she thought would affect her.

My daughter didn't realize that HER choice to say yes, or say "no, not really, the roads are slippery cuz they just paved it and it's raining" or HIS choice to accelerate rapidly up a hill in a fast car... or their choices to use an illegal substance before driving..or any of their choices to not wear seat belts...would result in one death, one extreme trauma and one little kid who will never forget her first ride in a porsche.

the jails are full of people who made the wrong choice ONE TIME ONLY.

sometimes, sadly, choices have consequences that last a lifetime.

this sounds like one of them.

Very sad.

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posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 08.31.09 (7:32 pm)

Reply to: fractalmom
I am so sorry for your pain, and all the suffering that goes with yur story. Just... stupid decisions. I'm not saying anyone is, necessarily, not smart or sharp. But, any person can make a bad and fatal choice. It doesn't take long.

I pray for recovery for your daughter. For peace for his family.

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posted by: kurtmaddox (reply)
post date: 08.31.09 (8:47 pm)

Gut-wrenchingly poignant and illustrative that there aren't always "solutions". Grace, it seems to me, is the alternative reality needed when there's "solution" possible.

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posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date: 09.01.09 (5:25 am)

God, I hate drunk driving. I just don't get it. I cannot imagine people who've been drinking being still "sober" enough to have the thought to get behind the wheel, but not sober enough to remember that there aren't many happy stories associated with that sort of decision. I know it's the "it'll never happen to me" deal at work, but GEEZ...

Sad story for all involved.

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posted by: Katie Lyle (reply)
post date: 09.01.09 (10:06 am)

2 young men, best friends, 24 and 22 years old get in a car to go home after a night at the bar. Home is within 5 miles away on the windy, policeless roads of Berkely Lake, so no worries. Turning a curb 2 streets down with the house in view, the 22 year old swirves off the road hits a water pipe, a mail box, and flips the car. He continues to drive a couple more minutes in hope of not being seen and turned to the passanger. 24 year old Clint is dead.
22 year old Chris, only months away from college graduation is sitting in prison for vehicular homocide of his best friend.
24 year old Clint, in the peak of his life, just took over the family business, just moved off on his own is resting for enernity 6 feet under.
This is the funeral I attended not even months ago.
These things happen and even though they are tragic for the ones who pass, we must keep in mind the ones who make the mistakes. None of us can imagine the thoughts going through Chris's head today as he sits in a cold jail cell.

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posted by: emerging (reply)
post date: 09.01.09 (8:15 pm)

My father was an alcoholic. He drove drunk more often than sober. I can remember being 10 or 11 years old, begging him not to drive. Even at that tender age, I understood it was wrong. It is ONLY by God's grace that my father didn't have a similar story to tell. I still don't understand why some people "get away" with driving under the influence and others don't. I still don't understand why some people become alcoholics and others don't, but I do know that my father never got away with anything. He lost the respect of family and friends - myself included. My brothers and I made a conscious choice to cut him out of our children's lives because of his choices. I don't even know for sure that it was his choice to drink away his life. Either way, complications related to alcoholism claimed his life shortly before his 51st birthday.

My children will never know their grandfather. I will never have more than a childish understanding of my father.

Nobody wins.

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posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 09.02.09 (6:34 am)

Reply to: bawdy
I guess the legal and political process leading to justice is inexact, at best. Stallworth had the best lawyers and a sympathetic court and a multi-million dollar career at stake, and the media. This poor kid had none of those things, so he got at least what he deserved.

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posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 09.02.09 (6:38 am)

Reply to: kurtmaddox
I understand that God is all about grace and forgiveness, while the law is supposed to be about justice. I've often said that I want society to be held to a higher standard than I would hold myself. If I were a member of this injured party I might want death for this drunk driver. As a friend of his family, I was wanting mercy. It was the responsibility of the court to judge with a higher standard than either. I think the Judge did well.

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posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 09.02.09 (6:41 am)

Reply to: surrogate
I've limited experience, but as I recall, when one is inebriated he does not have the same reasoning capacity. It is easier to decide, "Hey, let's all get in the car and go for a ride!" How stupid, of course.

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posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 09.02.09 (6:45 am)

Reply to: Katie Lyle
And, I would say, you will continue to be a needed friend for Chris. He's got a lot to work through as he comes to grips with what he has done, his friend's death, and how to find forgiveness in his own heart. I hope some people truly stay in touch with him and help him through this process.

I remember you telling me about this story. It is so sad. Another reminder to not drink and drive.

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posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 09.02.09 (6:53 am)

Reply to: emerging
I would like to think that your dad had some worthwhile qualities, and could have ben a fine father and grandfather. You'll never know because he chose, not to be an alcoholic, but to let it consume and destroy his life. I know what I say is a hard and controversial opinion. But I understand there are strong physiological and emotional additions with alcoholism. It is an awful kind of cancer. But unlike physical cancer, there is always a matter of choice.

My family has its share of alcohol abuse and sad stories. It sounds to me that you, like myself, have seen the ugly picture and made a conscious decision to do better.

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posted by: Shirley (reply)
post date: 09.02.09 (9:51 am)

Reply to: PastorDave
You have done a great thing hear by opening up peoples eyes to drinking and driving.As Christan it seems to me that we can do so much more to help people and so can our leaders.I to can relate to a family full of alcohol abusers.Who drink and drive and who do not care about their life or others.I have a cousin who is one of the sweetest ,loveing,caring people God ever made ,he finished high school in 1987 he could have played pro football,be he chose to fight for his country that he loved and for our freedom so he went to the marines he severed 4 years of his life fight for his country he got leave to come on for Christmas and he was going to rein list when his leave was up.Christmas evan he was coming open to suppourts his mom for Christmas.He was 22 years old.A car drove by a woman with 4 children and a husband decide she wanted to get so drunk that the policeman said she had enough alcholo in her system to kill her without the reck.My cousin who had on his seat belt and a air bug who had never drunk anything in his life who hated drinking as much as i did because of other family matters.On his way home on leave for Christmas was hit head on by this lady the ladywas killed on inpact a mother of 4 all very young children without a mom a husband lost his wife why???Would someone frink so much enogh to kill them and not care about their life .Their famlies are the lifes of others.Why that is the Question that should be ask in the court rooms.these people need help love and gudieness from us.It i was a leader i would band alcholo close down all bars and allow drinking in the home.If they can band smoking they can band drinking.It is time we made a stand asgainst drinking and drinking not just talk about it but do something about it.My cousin is parliess from his nack down he has been in the V.A.hostpial in huntsville for almost 20 years of his life he will be 41 in november.All he ever wanted to do was make this world a beeter place to life for everyone.The net reck we read about could be one of our children lets come to can make a change toghter we can ,do all things throw christ my brothers and sisters .God loves you God bless you one and all.Love is the greastest Gift we can give lets come toghter and give it (Please)

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