How To Kill A Cat
Here is a confession: I have been directly instrumental in the untimely demise of our family cat, Scooter. Were the victim a human, likely a court of law could not formally convict. But even with acquitted in the courtroom, this perpetrator likely would receive dirty looks from the gallery, and meet outside with protesters wielding signs scribbled “Cat Killer!” As it is, my family seems kind and understanding. My wife says he was old and it was simply his time to pass. And my daughter foregoes the manipulated logic, simply pining with pity, “Poor daddy”. But I have to live with myself. I did not like the cat and spent little time with him. I fed him, petted him on occasion. And then I killed him. Sometimes I feel bad about it.
Scooter was our cat for 18 years. Overall he was a gentle and forbearing creature. Early I had him neutered. Likely he never fully understood the dastardly deed, but from that moment he never wielded to me the title of owner. My job was to feed and house the critter. Others were reserved the privileges of petting and purring and his ghastly habit of drooling. And that was o.k. with me. About ten years ago he started the particularly annoying habit of entering my bedroom at around 2 a.m., to scream me awake. I did not like it and let him know with a broom. The habit continued, but followed with a dash to a preplanned place to hide. Months later he quit. But sometime I would see him, sitting on the arm of my favored chair, staring at me with disgust as he shed fur and emitted gases. We did not like one another. At times I would mumble bad things, but I really did not mean it. Honestly.
The kids dressed him in doll clothing. The neighboring felines beat him to a pulp. My son and his friends spent a few days baptizing the poor creature. Rocking chairs pinched his tail and heavy shoes sometimes mashed his toes. Still he prevailed.
A month ago, on a rare occasion, I was rubbing his back and scratching his cheek. Drool flowed freely upon my sleeve. I felt a rash along his back. With the best of intentions I went to the drug store to buy a spray medication, and generously doused his skin. Later I learned from the vet to never use human medications upon animals! Just a few minutes after the application, a series of sad events unfolded before my eyes. The cat tumbled from the arm of our new sofa- the arm he had been using to sharpen his claws- onto the carpet. There he lay with legs pointing rigidly into the air and tongue hanging out. Eyes stared blankly toward the ceiling. Scooter was paralyzed. After about five minutes he rolled to his side, vomited, and staggered from the room. He went outside to sleep under the shrubbery, something never done previously. I guess it was as far as he could get from me?
For four weeks he refused to eat. He would drink a bit of water, and milk. I tried force-feeding, and all kinds of goodies and treats, to no avail. The vet said his kidneys were shutting down and he had entered a death fast. He spoke with his usual detachment. But while carrying the emaciated cat from the room and out the door, I am sure his sweet female assistants looked at me with contempt.
Today he is gone. We took him to the vet to have him put out of his misery. To be specific, my wife took him. I was a coward to the very end. She brought him over to me, wrapped in a blanket, warm and purring. I scratched his cheek and rubbed his head, and told him I was sorry. He didn’t seem to be angry.
Should I hear a familiar screech in the middle of the night, I’ll not reach for a broom. It would be fitting retribution.
09.16.09 (3:24 pm) [
edit]
posted by:
bawdy (
reply)
post date:
09.16.09 (12:47 pm)
Sorry for your loss, but damn, that was an entertaining read. It's good that you can maintain your sense of humour through your remorse. Your intent was honourable, so I'm sure the cat bears no ill will towards you.
posted by:
barnabus1 (
reply)
post date:
09.16.09 (2:49 pm)
You should have had the honor of blowing him away, so you could proudly say, "There I showed you who's boss!" well maybe not!! Not a whole lot of satisfaction in that! Anyway, kitty has gone to his great hunting ground in the sky!!
posted by:
auntconi (
reply)
post date:
09.16.09 (3:14 pm)
Oh ... poor Scooter! And you were only trying to help. Let that be a lesson to us all ~ no human medication treatment for animals.
And, Poor PastorDave.
I know you wouldn't really mean any harm to Scooter. You have a huge heart and would not do that on purpose. I am totally convinced!
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
09.16.09 (3:35 pm)
Great post. Good intentions gone awry; so goes life.
The most sinister thing I've seen associated with this post so far isn't anything you admitted in the telling of your tale, but instead is the way that evil bastard, bawdy, spells honourable and humour. I swear, sometimes I think he's a damn foreigner er' somethin'.
posted by:
Mike Hale (
reply)
post date:
09.16.09 (5:24 pm)
hmmm ??.... so Dave?...You are on the cat death panel and czar?...lol...jk...sorry for the loss
posted by:
LadyG (
reply)
post date:
09.16.09 (6:03 pm)
PD so sorry about Scooter.
posted by:
Toztee (
reply)
post date:
09.16.09 (10:46 pm)
Poor Kitty...Bye Bye. Feeling Guilty yet? Ya know that cat had a way of living through lots of things. You certain it's gone this time?
posted by:
0hdgk7 (
reply)
post date:
09.17.09 (12:06 am)
O_O I feel for you PD, and Scooter and your other Family members...For 18years! I can't imagine!
The last two paragraphs..esp the part before his departing made my chest and throat tight. It's beacuse of that part that I don't keep pets..
We can see how deep your feelings run for Scooter-even if you say otherwise-with the way you've got this post up-it's clear: You an your family deeply loved him.
If Scooter is able to read this post, he'd be so proud to be the Cat that you and your family owned. I'm sure he's proud of you and your family as well.
And I'm sure you know it too.
By the way I love that name: "Scooter"
Awesome name for an awesome Cat.
May he rest in peace.
-DG
posted by:
inkspector (
reply)
post date:
09.17.09 (6:52 am)
Sorry to hear of Scooters death but he had a long life!
When animals hide, it usually means they are on their way out.
I think he had the kidney disease long before you applied the OTC med so I don't think you really killed him off like you think.
posted by:
bawdy (
reply)
post date:
09.17.09 (11:55 am)
Reply to: surrogate
I know you Americans like to save your u's for a rainy day, but you're still a drip either way!
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
09.17.09 (6:11 pm)
Reply to: bawdy
Thanks for the kindness. It was really a stupid thing for me to do. I'm smart enough to know that human medications can be deadly to animals. I've heard it, I've even prescribed to the matter previously. It was a bad lapse in judgment. Rest In Peace, Scooter.
Hey, contrary to surrogate, I like your varied versions of spelling.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
09.17.09 (6:12 pm)
Reply to: barnabus1
Blowing him away? I sense someone who dislikes cats a bit more than myself!
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
09.17.09 (6:14 pm)
Reply to: auntconi
It is a lesson needful to be remembered. And, by the way, don't give animal medications to humans. My son still had fleas, and developed a rash around his neck from the flea collar.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
09.17.09 (6:15 pm)
Reply to: surrogate
Nothing sinister, huh? I'll try to do better next time.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
09.17.09 (6:17 pm)
Reply to: Mike Hale
Do you remember my boyhood dogs, George & Blackie? They followed us around the neighborhoods quite a bit. Do you remember when your neighbor, an old man with a permanent scowl, hit Blackie with a brick as the poor dog lay asleep in the man's yard? The good ole days- but not always so good for Blackie.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
09.17.09 (6:19 pm)
Reply to: LadyG
Thanks for your sympathy. Any flower arrangements in sympathy for a deceased pet? In California, I suppose it's a safe bet.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
09.17.09 (6:20 pm)
Reply to: Toztee
Lots of guilt. Hey, since you know me, you likely know that Guilt and I are good friends.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
09.17.09 (6:24 pm)
Reply to: 0hdgk7
So you think "Scooter" is a good name for a cat? My kids gave him that name. At the time I was wanting to give him a more dignified title. "Haynes" was the name I preferred. I was outvoted.
Yeah, the cat was around here long enough that he was a comfortable part of the family. It is true and that he and I were not the best of buddies, but sometimes he would give the privilege of petting him for a little while.
My wife says we will have no more cats. But, I've a suspicion, sometime in the future a stray will come along. I'll feed it and pet it for a few weeks, and he and I will work together to wear down the resistance of my spouse- and we will have another pet. That's been my strategy in the past.
posted by:
PastorDave (
reply)
post date:
09.17.09 (6:25 pm)
Reply to: inkspector
That's comforting. I'll go with your line of thinking!
